Gransnet forums


Baby sitting

(158 Posts)
MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 11:00:06

Well, child sitting, seeing as my grandson is 11.
My neighbour/friend agreed that she would help out if I needed to work and wouldn't be home, which happened yesterday.

I worked until 10.
I came home to find grandson had put himself to bed (and was lying awake) and my neighbour had bought him down a microwave burger at dinner time.

She was sitting upstairs in her flat, and he was in mine, on his own.
I had shifts booked for the next two days, but have cancelled them, as I wouldn't have been home until 11.

I feel like crying...

In defence of my neighbour, she is a funny old stick and a bit eccentric, but I expected a bit more from her.

She knocks at mine several times a day to tell me every detail of everything that is going on with her life and that of her adult children, and I think I am more than patient.
I just feel really let down.
My first shifts and I have had to cancel..

I suppose I just wanted to get it off my chest. sad

Jaxie Fri 08-Feb-19 19:08:46

Isn't it great having sympathetic Gransnetters to turn to when life bites us? I was a latch key kid from the age of 11: we were a single parent family, my disabled mother was frequently hospitalised and my brother( 3 years older) and I lived alone. Neighbours would not get involved and relatives lived too far away to help. My advice is to employ a nice six form girl to stay with your grandson in the evenings to give him a sense of security. Leave dinner and some snacks for them both. Redundant apostrophe added when the dang thing posted itself!

Jalima1108 Tue 22-Jan-19 20:43:41

We can ask to have a thread which we started to be deleted but it is not our property so GN has the right to refuse to do so BradfordLass.
However, as this has been done for some I do not understand why others are refused.

Iam64 Tue 22-Jan-19 20:26:20

Yes bradfordlass, just ad you say, it’s a public forum

BradfordLass72 Tue 22-Jan-19 19:10:11

What about the Privacy Act, don't you have one in the UK or have we, by agreeing to accept the GN rules, allowed all our griefs and anxieties to be bandied about in any public forum?

Iam64 Tue 22-Jan-19 18:49:27

good move RachelleGransnet - to delete the Twitter thread, not all posts are suitable for that kind of publicity and this one definitely falls into the unsuitable category. MissA has been offered some sensible, supportive and warm support here. that's enough isn't it.

MissAdventure Tue 22-Jan-19 11:58:52

It wasn't a matter of being identified.
It was a matter of insensitivity.
It felt like my despair had been put up for everyone to 'rubberneck' at.
Its a most uncomfortable feeling, but thank you for deleting the Twitter thread, which had been put up in "error".

RachellaGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 22-Jan-19 11:40:12

Just popping in to let everyone know that we are looking at this.

It's always worth bearing in mind that this is a public site and all posts can be seen by anyone, regardless of whether they are on social media or not. It's generally a good idea to avoid any kind of identifying detail, especially when talking about personal issues.

Urmstongran Tue 22-Jan-19 09:10:02

That’s awful MissA It seems an insensitive thing to do by GNHQ. Did they tell you they’d done it? How did you find out? Sorry, too many questions. Ignore them.
However, you are now feeling vulnerable in case you are identified.
So put that now onto your list of woes. Just what you don’t need right now.
I really feel for you with all this on your plate.

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 23:26:22

I've just bumped the thread. Its called 'building a profile page'.
Have a read, Urmston

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 23:21:25

I did ask, Jalima, and they said no!
Urmston the forums here are open, meaning that anyone can 'lift' the contents.
I'm not sure how it works; whether Twitter lift it or gransnet put it there, but it means all this info is out there.
Obviously I've not said anything definitely identifying, but my circumstances could possibly identify me.

Jalima1108 Mon 21-Jan-19 23:14:12

Oh no, how could GNHQ do that without asking you first.

I think I'd ask for it to be deleted MissA - this one, the twitter one and on FB if it's on there too.

How could you be so insensitive GNHQ?

I am going to report my own post to bring it to their attention.

Urmstongran Mon 21-Jan-19 23:10:51

Sorry, I’m a bit of a philistine MissA - could you please explain what it means to have something put on Twitter? How did it get there and does it compromise you in any way?

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 22:09:27

Thank you all.
I'm not ignoring questions, but suffice to say some of the options suggested aren't options, and as this thread was put onto Twitter I'm wary of giving too much more info.
You've all been very kind and supportive, so thank you. smile
You've made me feel a lot better than I did. thanks

anxiousgran Mon 21-Jan-19 18:22:27

MissA what an upsetting situation to be in. you must have been devastated to come home to find an 11yr old on his own after having to work, and assuming he was in reliable hands.
Other posters have given you practical advice, so hoping it gets sorted out for you soon flowers

alchemilla Mon 21-Jan-19 15:09:39

I think the FE/nursing/childcare training students who've been properly checked sounds the way to go. Of course, if you have an FE establishment near by. I'm also concerned that you're being left to look after your GC and have to go out to work for money - are you getting an allowance from his father? Can you get to CAB to ask for advice about carer's payments etc? The last thing your GS wants is to be alone after all his (and your) losses. And the last thing you want to advertise on FB or other social media that links to your address openly is that your GS is alone and your house otherwise unoccupied. Glad to hear you're not going to offhand your older neighbour - in extremis, if he needs to be up there with her at some point it might be useful.

notanan2 Mon 21-Jan-19 08:30:38

Sitters (the online babysitters agency) is good. I knew someone who used to do the regional interviews for them, they are v stringent. And I have used them and never had anyone who wasnt in childcare or teaching in their dayjob too. You can rank your preferred sitters so that your child gets consistancy

It will cost you more than you are paid in your care work if you use them for a full shift, but to bridge between after school till bedtime it could work. You should be able to claim some back on the childcare element of UC

NanaElaine Mon 21-Jan-19 05:48:08

Hey which part of the country are you hun? I would help out if you are near me. Sending you lots of good wishes and hoping you get something sorted that suits you both. x

GabriellaG54 Mon 21-Jan-19 05:19:43

On a very early rota at Sams, hence the time. Idly reading through some comments whilst having tea and toast, I saw yours (12:50)
Anyone reading it would have to think, as I did, how petty are the things we sometimes get upset about or grumbles we need to share.
Those 3 lines were...well, heartbreaking, as was your original post.
Whatever is said on GN, whatever opposing views we may hold, I salute you. Those who know you best must be richer indeed for having you in their lives. flowers

BradfordLass72 Sun 20-Jan-19 20:18:51

MissAdventure I don't know whom you consulted about your rights and entitlements, but here, people are often given incorrect information by state agencies - as the rules are so horribly complicated.
So is there anything like a Beneficiaries Advocate Service you could consult?
Unlike the individuals in state services, they are usually au fait with all the changes and rules.
You may have already done this of course.
Gosh, I wish I lived nearer, I'd be there in a flash. smile

Jalima1108 Sun 20-Jan-19 20:05:05

Here's hoping.

Iam64 Sun 20-Jan-19 20:03:51

Yes it could Jalima.

Jalima1108 Sun 20-Jan-19 20:02:36

Can this be done retrospectively?

Iam64 Sun 20-Jan-19 20:00:55

One of the many infuriating things about Miss A's circumstances, is that she stepped in to care for her grandson, as so many other grandparents do. This meant the State, in the form of Children's Services didn't need to make steps to assume parental responsibility. If they had the matter would have been before a Family Court and an assessment of potential relative carers would have been the first thing expected of the local authority. No doubt they'd have concluded that the little boy should grow up with his grandmother. Grandmother would have been legally represented fees probably paid by l.a. as instructed by the Judge. Special guardianship Order made, along with support package presented to the Judge for consideration. A package of financial support would have been part of that. Mss A having typed this rather crossly - I've PM'd you.

Jaye53 Sun 20-Jan-19 17:55:49

So sorry you have lost your dear daughter
I hope you can make some will help you and your dear

MissAdventure Sun 20-Jan-19 13:03:46

I think that would only apply if I was caring for someone with a disability.
I did check out all the options when I first found myself in this position.
Something will work out, somehow, I'm sure.
Just frustrating, because I thought it was starting to.