Baby sitting

Like EllanVannin I wish I stayed near you (it seems as though you are in England) as it would give me a focus to help out after the death of my DH. I think it is important for you to be able to continue with your work but I, like many others on this site and yourself, don't think you should rely on your neighbour. I would suggest you contact Social Work Dept who may not be able to provide back-up but could put you in touch with a voluntary organisation who may be able to help.

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say wonderful.
I was just wondering about mumsnet?
Or, going out and scanning the cards in shop windows, maybe?

Oh MissAdventure I can't offer any help but feel for you and your dillema ...you've been through so much and are a wonderful person...is it worth trying to find out if anyone on GN lives nearby and could help out x

Ah, thank you, Ellan.
I just feel a bit defeated.
I love doing my care work; almost 30 years I've done it for, and it feels like its almost impossible now, just for the sake of someone to sit in my flat for a couple of hours.
Mind you, its cluttery!

MissAdventure, believe me but I feel tearful for you x You're one of those people I'd help no problem if you lived near.
I know I'm old myself but I'm still perfectly capable of helping anyone in distress without bending any ears about my life history. I often wish there were folk like yourself living near instead of me being surrounded by people akin to your neighbour.

Thank you all for helping me.
It does me good to be able to have a sensible chat about things. (Wavery.Smile.Icon)

Someone above suggested employing a teenager. That's a good way to go, beneficial for both teen, your GS and of course for you. Maybe contact Guide/Scout or other youth organisations?

She isn't deliberately unkind, its true; in fact she is one of the kindest people I know, but she is strange, and getting stranger as the years pass, sadly.
I would happily pay her, but as I suspected, she isn't up to the job. (I knew really, before we even spoke about it, so that is my fault, with hindsight)

I'm just feeling very sorry for myself these last few weeks, tearful and angry at being pushed out to work.

I'm sure things will get better.

I'm so sorry you've lost your daughter MissAdventure, what a tragedy.

Your neighbour doesn't sound suitable to be looking after a child. She doesn't sound deliberately uncaring but simply not up to the job. The way you describe her, she seems a bit airy-fairy.

Does your GS live with you fulltime? If so, then you need to arrange proper care for him and not have to rely on people's good will. Paying your neighbour might be a better option, as it would be more like a job and not just a favour.

Thank you Marilla.
Unfortunately, the school have been useless, unkind and dismissive of any problems.
Ranging from a teacher coming out to my daughters car to loudly tell her off for not getting out of it to pick up grandson at the gate, to the Senco person saying that since they knew that my daughter was dying they had no problem with grandson missing school as he wasn't playing truant, to still sending him home with letters addressed to my daughter months after she had died.

You are quite right. You and your grandson are your priority and that will take up all your time and energy.
Please keep us posted in how things progress.

I think its safe to say we'll be leaving it.
Also safe to say I won't be helping out with form filling in, moral support, help with appointments, explaining instructions, escorting to hospital and doctors appointments and being an 'in house' shoulder to lean on, cry on, and everything else.

MissAdventure, I have been giving more thought to your problem.
Might I suggest you contact the school your grandson attends and make an appointment to speak with the Headteacher as first port of call. She may be able to point you in the direction of useful contacts. The school may not know you are needing assistance with your grandson.
Please don’t leave him with the neighbour. She just isn’t a suitable person to be in charge of a young lad.

Could you not say to her that there seems to have been a misunderstanding! Tell her that you are grateful for her help but that you are not comfortable for your grandson to be left alone so is she able to come and sit in your flat? If she says yes, then fine! If No, say thanks, we will leave it then!

Well, my neighbour has just been in.
She asked what time I was working today, and I told her I had cancelled.
"Oh" she said, "Well it will be alright".
"Well, I don't want him to be on his own until 11, and he was on his own last night".
"Oh, alright then" she said, then went straight on to tell me about yet more family problems her lot are having.
I think yet another friendship has run its course.

MissA...can understand as I have been in the position when E first came to live with me,the responsibility gets to you to be mum,dad,not forgetting that he had also lost his nan too who then becomes 'mum'..in our case I was a nummy,you would do anything to make life secure for these children,I would have felt the same as you....still do,and she is now almost 20.

I don't know any of the other mums, as my daughters illness just took over both of our lives for the last year or so.
It was very isolating.. just hospital visits and treatments and so on.
My own friends seemed to fade away, too, apart from the odd text.
Its on my 'to do' list, to make at least one friend, just as soon as I get myself straight. Its just taking an awfully long time.

MissA, please do not upset yourself. You did all the correct things in order for your Grandson to be cared for, he was safe in bed when you came home.

Could he not have a "sleepover" with a friend from school when needed, and you could have the friend over to stay with you sometime.

Your neighbour sounds as if she is slightly confused and probably not the most reliable sitter.

Really hope you can get something in place soon.

I think its one of those times when I could do with my mum.
No, we have no input from social services, although I have a court order in place for residency.
I think a teen is the best idea, although I don't know any.
My work is in the care industry, so the hours are pretty unsociable, but hopefully something will come up.
I think my neighbour is quite blinkered in her thinking sometimes.
She was quite obsessed by what time he should have the burger for some reason.. She has mental health problems, so is very set in some of her ways, and has some strange ideas.

I don’t think I would leave my grandson with the neighbour again. Despite your grandson being sensible, there is always risk of a fire or other emergency. Do you know of any older teenagers (sixth form) who would be looking to earn some money by keeping your grandson company when you are working? Or if the care of your grandson is official, can social services offer any advice? If none of these suggestions are feasible, are you able to work during the day rather than evenings? Your grandson is obviously very precious to you and to make this arrangement work, you need to think about a long term plan for the future.

Yes, he knows all that stuff, but I don't want him coming home to an empty house, eating alone and putting himself to bed.
My next door neighbour works shifts too, so no, not able to help out.

I guess if he was in a house and him downstairs and the childminder upstairs it wouldn't be a problem - not quite the same though. Does he have a mobile? would he have been able to call her for help if needed? Does he know not to answer the door to anyone but her? It seems a shame you have to miss work. What is your next door neighbour like? Can they help?

I suppose I just assumed that she would know.
He didn't come to any harm, and it appears that he can be quite sensible, but I don't want him spending hours alone.

Its only a year since his life was turned upside down when his mum died, his brother went to live with his dad, his dog was rehomed and so on.
I just imagined she may take that into account.

BTW - There is no legal age which defines when a child can be left alone. The govt website states 'The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.' It also seems that general thinking is that 12 is the age when they may be mature enough. But of course it depends on the child.

This seems to me to be a simple misunderstanding, but I do feel for you - I would have been upset too. Your idea and your neighbour's as to what constitutes 'child sitting' are obviously different and perhaps you need to explain (kindly) that you had thought she would stay with your grandson and were surprised to find him alone when you got home.

I'm slightly bewildered that you feel you can't explain what is required of your friend because she is doing you a favour. I think an explanation is perfectly reasonable, favour or not.