Photograph of dying Gran

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Yes Maggie- note to self, tell children that this is definitely NOT what I want.

It’s like the Internet seems to have robbed some people of any sense of dignity, privacy morals or bloody common sense.

I fully expect to see a post soon stating ‘my poor bubba has her first period’ for goodness sake.

I suppose the next thing will be for all of us to carry a card stating whether we do or do not give permission to have our last days publicised and discussed on social media.

I'll be saying a very firm no, but there are a few posters on this thread who'd obviously be happy with it. Good for them, but if the lady in question hadn't been consulted, her privacy should have been respected.

Re 'ugly death'. I have been present at several deaths and those very near to death. They have been quiet and sad but never 'ugly'.

I seem to recall a study done some time ago about people at the moment of death. It was found that even those normally surrounded by family seemed to choose to die when alone. Could this be a reflection on how it should be a private moment, not one to be shared with strangers on social media?

Yes but if you use expressions like death is always ugly to anyone other than a health care professional that’s very frightening for other people and it’s palpably untrue.

As a health care worker you have a responsibility to not frighten people.

Mousepotato, I was a nurse and have seen people dying and dead and washed them and dressed their dead bodies in their shrouds ready for the porter to take to the mortuary.

I think that the words you chose reflect your care for the living person and your striving to make their dying as comfortable and quiet as may be.

Mousepotato

Have to say I disagree with you as a nursing sister I have seen many people die peaceful dignified deaths surrounded by family. That’s in a hospital environment.

My mil died in a hospice and again it was a peaceful passing.

I think your comment of its always ugly is very strange and from a hospice worker doubly strange.

I’ve seen many “death photos” displayed far an wide online and in museums. Death masks as well.

Is it the distance of time that makes those less disrespectful? We don’t know that that gran wasn’t ok with photos.

By all means, inform your loved ones you aren’t, but you really don’t know what was and wasn’t discussed

I agree op it’s distasteful and utterly disrespectful but I expect all the poster wanted was ‘you are so brave Hun’

My friends dd posted a picture of her 5 year old having broken his leg waiting for an ambulance in pain ffs!!! Captured my poor baby bloody sick

I am a Hospice caregiver working with the dying. It is my job to give comfort, respect and care to both the patient and the family. People talk about dying with dignity but there is no dignity in dying. It’s ugly. It’s always ugly. In my opinion publicly posting a picture of the last hours of a loved one is the most disrespectful thing a person could do and I would be truly ashamed of this person if they were related to me. Would they want their own picture posted? I think not. They posted this for their own selfish motives I’m sure, and how sad is that. Most people have not watched someone actually die. It’s not pleasant. It’s not like the movies.

Photographing the dying is different from photographing the dead and distributing it among family is different from distributing to the world.

Supposing this lady was not as close to death as thought and recovered. She could be deeply traumatised by the way her supposed dying moments were circulated to the world to gawp and commneted on by others.

We are meant, in these enlightened day to have respect for the individual to the end - and after. This lady did not giver her consent to photos nor circulation.

The difference is sharing the photo worldwide for everyone to gawp at. Is that what you want for your last moments?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t people used to do family photos with the deceased as part of a wake?
They also made death masks that are still displayed.

To me, this isn’t much different than that.

I think the poster should not have published the photo without the older woman's consent and if she culd not give it, it should not have been published. Basic respect, especially as the poster claimed to love her.

I think it was a a classic of virtue signalling by the poster, looking for lots of people to sympathise with her and admire her devotion to her grandmother. It was done, as these things so often are, at the expense of the dignity and human rights of the victim.

No, no. This is an unpleasant trend. Few parts of life are truly sacred, but the most obvious part is our death, surely?
Whilst I feel that as a society we have lost our way when dealing with/talking about death, I don't agree that invading someone's last and most private moment on a public online forum is the way to tackle this!
People often don't get the support and acknowledgement they need after bereavement. I know that to my cost. But attention seeking photos intentionally shocking people in this vile way is going to achieve...well, what exactly?
If someone did this to me, I'd come back and haunt them!!

Sadly, there is no such thing as privacy now, and people have to share every small aspect of their lives and deaths. Just look at the number of ‘celebs’ who post photographs of themselves following surgery/childbirth etc.

I wonder if the real intention of the person posting the photo of their dying grandmother on Twitter was an incredibly crass example of so called "virtue signalling" loudly proclaiming to the world "look at what an amazing, caring person I am posting a photo of my dying grandmother". Sob, sob.

In my view it loudly proclaims the exact opposite. The action is deeply disrespectful to the dying person who was probably unable to consent or even understand what was happening. It was never about love of the dying grandmother, it was all about the poster.

tara A similar thing happened to me, many years ago. I used the 'phone box to ring up my sister at work about something. The woman who replied told me, "She's not in today. Her father suddenly died." He was obviously my father too. It was a terrible shock, and she shouldn't have spoken about it to a complete stranger, but at least it spared my family from the problem of how to contact me quickly.
I think that attitudes to death have changed dramatically since Princess Diana's death. People seem to have a "look at me - I'm grieving" attitude, even about people they have never met. Every time there is a road accident, the local florist makes a fortune from people piling flowers at the site. It's very strange.

Why on earth would you want to do something so insensitive and disrespectful? What a thin excuse for trying to drum up some attention for yourself - it is AWFUL!!

No Jane ,imo you definitely are not overreacting.
It seems that some people can not live in the moment, any situation seems to instantly translate to some that the event must be shared first & foremost . I think it is a very sad human development.

I'd be mortified to think any of my family would put a photo of me dying on facebook. I never post anything on there and my adult children have been told when they take pictures, don't put that on facebook! When my mum died I had a phone call from my brother 2.45 in the morning.I rang our sister and her daughter in America, 6 hours behind us in time. I didn't phone and wake my daughter as there wasn't anything she could do and so I'd phone her when I knew she would be up. What happened? sisters daughter announced it on facebook so I got a phone call from my daughter when she woke up and been on facebook saying to me what's all this about nan dying? I was not pleased with my niece!

I would be very surprised if the person in their last hours was asked if they consented to be photographed and posted on social media. My daughter is in a Hospice and the thought of anyone doing that to her horrifies me.

There is a real taboo around death in many modern countries and perhaps that isn't healthy either.

I saw an exhibition of Maggie Hambling's art at the British Museum the year before last. She had drawn her dead mother. I think perhaps to an artist their art is the way in which they connect with the world and make sense of it. I don't see that as disrespectful. Perhaps it is the same for other people.

I wouldn't want to take photographs of dead loved ones but I wouldn't criticise those who do - everyone has a different way of responding to death and of paying their respects to their loved ones.

I have taken photographs of funeral flowers, the people at a funeral and the messages that they leave. I wouldn't share them with the world because that is not my customary behaviour. Again, if other people want to do it, I can't really see the harm but I don't really understand why people other than those close to the dead person would want to see such images.

What I do think is thoughtless, and possibly disrespectful, is people looking at their mobile phones during celebratory and commemorative events. It implies a lack of interest, emotional connection and attention - and a strange understanding of what is important and what is not.