Gransnet forums

AIBU

to object to this type of invitation?

(167 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.

AIBU?

leyla Wed 10-Jul-19 07:05:31

I think a dress code is perfectly reasonable. Lots of events have a dress code - it gives attendees an indication of the tone of the event.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:11:45

I feel the same about the commentary this morning about making Wimbledon available for " disadvantaged young pupils ". Why mention disadvantaged when the young girls themselves would have been aware of what was reported ??
The speaker then went on to say that tennis wasn't only for " white middle-class citizens ".
Was there any need to have said this ? Is it any wonder there are divisions in this country ?

Kitty, I'd be appalled too !

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:13:23

I should .maybe have said that the school draws from a wide and quite diverse area.

harrigran Wed 10-Jul-19 07:14:50

I see where you are coming from kitty but there are areas where people need to be guided.
I have been at GD's school and witnessed large ( polite ) men in shorts and t shirts with flip flops, even DH has been heard to mutter " plebs ".

mumofmadboys Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:02

Perhaps it's just to stop parents turning up in shorts and t shirts or vest tops?

absent Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:25

It's a very special occasion for the students and probably the school would like the achievement and formality recognised. We do dress appropriately for other occasions and the school feels that parents dressed in slightly more formal clothes than jeans, t-shirts and flip-flops would be right. Seems good to me.

I always make an effort to look reasonably tidy and respectable when attending my grandchildren's school events.

mumofmadboys Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:39

Cross posts

Peonyrose Wed 10-Jul-19 07:16:59

Perfectly in order to have a dress code. whats wrong with standards? It doesn't take money to dress smartly.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:18:41

I think we all know our places in society without being told.

Grammaretto Wed 10-Jul-19 07:19:08

Congratulations!! Proud Ps and GPS.
I dont object to a dress guide. I hate turning up looking conspicuous.

Perhaps they are worried the warm weather will bring out shorts and sandals or worse - tattoos.grin

Alima Wed 10-Jul-19 07:19:22

I would welcome the tip of what to wear. It will be a celebratory evening with the recipients of awards in their uniforms. Some parents could have gone all tarted up looking like refugees from Ascot. Some may have chosen to go in knicks and flip flops, tattoos proudly on display. You can never be sure nowadays. Hearty congrats to DGS Kitty.

PamelaJ1 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:20:15

In an ideal world everyone would know what was appropriate. Unfortunately it’s not ideal.
The school have tried to make sure that the children realise it’s a special occasion.
I have often been grateful to be given an idea of what I am supposed to wear. I am, however never grateful if the guidance suggests fancy dress.

Bellasnana Wed 10-Jul-19 07:22:45

Personally, I can’t see a problem at all. hmm

Sara65 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:29:45

I fail to see any problem, I think smart /casual is perfectly acceptable, I think actually it’s quite nice, the school is making it a special occasion for the students.

No sorry, really can’t see your problem

Grannyknot Wed 10-Jul-19 07:31:19

This is interesting. When I grew up there wasn't much money, but my single parent mother would wash, starch the collars of our school uniforms and iron them (until high school when I did it myself). I only had two uniforms so there was a schedule of quick turnover. My blazer came from the school second-hand shop. I often won prizes at school and at prize-giving events, my mother would dress like any proud parent, in her best clothes.

So perhaps the shock is that nowadays people need to be reminded how to dress for what is a special occasion.

('re the Wimbledon commentary, that is just awful).

Ellianne Wed 10-Jul-19 07:38:01

I think that's very commendable of the school and quite brave! Sometimes parents need to be told how to behave just as much as their offspring pupils. If the kids have to come in smart uniform then it would be disrespectful of a parent to turn up as a scruff.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:42:50

Wouldn't parents know that? Presumably they know how special it is and will do their best for their child.

I found it patronising!

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 07:43:30

Advise of dress code nowadays is essential as many people don’t know how to dress for different events. T-shirt and cargo pants with sandals seems to be very acceptable for many wherever they go. Everyone has enough money for a smart pair of pants and shirts.
Could have understood this post if school had requested black tie.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 07:49:03

This letter by the school indicates that they have had negative experience in the past for them to have to mention to dress well.

Iam64 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:49:28

kitty, maybe it is patronising but it may well be based on the school's previous experience of parents turning up in their going out pyjamas, or skimpy shorts and those wife beater t shirts.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:50:16

I doubt 'everyone has money for a smart pair of pants and shirts' lumarei.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:53:03

Being told what to wear would bring out the devil in me. I'd have to deliberately turn it into a joke so I'd probably turn up in a lacy dress, huge hat and wellies (but then I'm super confident and a known eccentric).

Calendargirl Wed 10-Jul-19 07:55:58

I just think years ago even hard-up families would have realised not to go in ‘working’ clothes. Nowadays people wear anything and everything to events, funerals, whatever. Particularly this time of year some might have gone dressed for a day at the beach,

Marmight Wed 10-Jul-19 07:56:04

Congratulations to your dgs 🏅
I don't find a dress code patronising at all; I find it helpful. I'm going to a celebration at the weekend which is 'casual' . Useful to know, as I would normally have turned out in more formal attire for the occasion. Now I know, I can dig out the flip flops, strappy top and baggy shorts wink