Gransnet forums

AIBU

to object to this type of invitation?

(167 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.

AIBU?

leyla Wed 10-Jul-19 07:05:31

I think a dress code is perfectly reasonable. Lots of events have a dress code - it gives attendees an indication of the tone of the event.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:11:45

I feel the same about the commentary this morning about making Wimbledon available for " disadvantaged young pupils ". Why mention disadvantaged when the young girls themselves would have been aware of what was reported ??
The speaker then went on to say that tennis wasn't only for " white middle-class citizens ".
Was there any need to have said this ? Is it any wonder there are divisions in this country ?

Kitty, I'd be appalled too !

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:13:23

I should .maybe have said that the school draws from a wide and quite diverse area.

harrigran Wed 10-Jul-19 07:14:50

I see where you are coming from kitty but there are areas where people need to be guided.
I have been at GD's school and witnessed large ( polite ) men in shorts and t shirts with flip flops, even DH has been heard to mutter " plebs ".

mumofmadboys Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:02

Perhaps it's just to stop parents turning up in shorts and t shirts or vest tops?

absent Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:25

It's a very special occasion for the students and probably the school would like the achievement and formality recognised. We do dress appropriately for other occasions and the school feels that parents dressed in slightly more formal clothes than jeans, t-shirts and flip-flops would be right. Seems good to me.

I always make an effort to look reasonably tidy and respectable when attending my grandchildren's school events.

mumofmadboys Wed 10-Jul-19 07:15:39

Cross posts

Peonyrose Wed 10-Jul-19 07:16:59

Perfectly in order to have a dress code. whats wrong with standards? It doesn't take money to dress smartly.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:18:41

I think we all know our places in society without being told.

Grammaretto Wed 10-Jul-19 07:19:08

Congratulations!! Proud Ps and GPS.
I dont object to a dress guide. I hate turning up looking conspicuous.

Perhaps they are worried the warm weather will bring out shorts and sandals or worse - tattoos.grin

Alima Wed 10-Jul-19 07:19:22

I would welcome the tip of what to wear. It will be a celebratory evening with the recipients of awards in their uniforms. Some parents could have gone all tarted up looking like refugees from Ascot. Some may have chosen to go in knicks and flip flops, tattoos proudly on display. You can never be sure nowadays. Hearty congrats to DGS Kitty.

PamelaJ1 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:20:15

In an ideal world everyone would know what was appropriate. Unfortunately it’s not ideal.
The school have tried to make sure that the children realise it’s a special occasion.
I have often been grateful to be given an idea of what I am supposed to wear. I am, however never grateful if the guidance suggests fancy dress.

Bellasnana Wed 10-Jul-19 07:22:45

Personally, I can’t see a problem at all. hmm

Sara65 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:29:45

I fail to see any problem, I think smart /casual is perfectly acceptable, I think actually it’s quite nice, the school is making it a special occasion for the students.

No sorry, really can’t see your problem

Grannyknot Wed 10-Jul-19 07:31:19

This is interesting. When I grew up there wasn't much money, but my single parent mother would wash, starch the collars of our school uniforms and iron them (until high school when I did it myself). I only had two uniforms so there was a schedule of quick turnover. My blazer came from the school second-hand shop. I often won prizes at school and at prize-giving events, my mother would dress like any proud parent, in her best clothes.

So perhaps the shock is that nowadays people need to be reminded how to dress for what is a special occasion.

('re the Wimbledon commentary, that is just awful).

Ellianne Wed 10-Jul-19 07:38:01

I think that's very commendable of the school and quite brave! Sometimes parents need to be told how to behave just as much as their offspring pupils. If the kids have to come in smart uniform then it would be disrespectful of a parent to turn up as a scruff.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:42:50

Wouldn't parents know that? Presumably they know how special it is and will do their best for their child.

I found it patronising!

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 07:43:30

Advise of dress code nowadays is essential as many people don’t know how to dress for different events. T-shirt and cargo pants with sandals seems to be very acceptable for many wherever they go. Everyone has enough money for a smart pair of pants and shirts.
Could have understood this post if school had requested black tie.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 07:49:03

This letter by the school indicates that they have had negative experience in the past for them to have to mention to dress well.

Iam64 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:49:28

kitty, maybe it is patronising but it may well be based on the school's previous experience of parents turning up in their going out pyjamas, or skimpy shorts and those wife beater t shirts.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:50:16

I doubt 'everyone has money for a smart pair of pants and shirts' lumarei.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:53:03

Being told what to wear would bring out the devil in me. I'd have to deliberately turn it into a joke so I'd probably turn up in a lacy dress, huge hat and wellies (but then I'm super confident and a known eccentric).

Calendargirl Wed 10-Jul-19 07:55:58

I just think years ago even hard-up families would have realised not to go in ‘working’ clothes. Nowadays people wear anything and everything to events, funerals, whatever. Particularly this time of year some might have gone dressed for a day at the beach,

Marmight Wed 10-Jul-19 07:56:04

Congratulations to your dgs 🏅
I don't find a dress code patronising at all; I find it helpful. I'm going to a celebration at the weekend which is 'casual' . Useful to know, as I would normally have turned out in more formal attire for the occasion. Now I know, I can dig out the flip flops, strappy top and baggy shorts wink

Calendargirl Wed 10-Jul-19 07:57:15

Hetty58
Think you would be a huge embarrassment to your children or grandchildren then.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:58:06

Kitty, that's my argument too. Some families have nothing and I feel for the children of these families. It upsets me. I see families who try their best and I could cry-----unless it's just me ?!

Sara65 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:58:44

I don’t think it’s patronising Kitty, I think they’re just trying to make it a special evening for your grandson, and all the other prize winners

Pantglas1 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:59:25

As other posters have commented, years ago most parents automatically wore their ‘Sunday best’ to attend parents evening/open day etc but these days some people think it is acceptable to drop their children off at school in pyjamas. Who wants to see that?

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 08:05:06

Kittylester. I roam charity shops every week and there are always smart clothes for sale for a few pounds.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 08:10:14

Scruffy clothes cost money, too.

leyla Wed 10-Jul-19 08:10:54

It’s only saying smart casual, not ball gowns! It just means a minimum of washed and ironed, cover up and ideally not denim, or at least smart denim...I would have thought that achievable for most parents.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 08:11:00

This isnt a 'social' invitation though! It's a school dictating to parents. I wonder if they would refuse entry to parents 'inappropriately' dressed.

MawBroonsback Wed 10-Jul-19 08:20:38

I don’t exactly share your horror kittylester although I know that I would always dress smartly for an awards ceremony of any sort. Certainly secondary school but even for Primary you would hope people did not appear in distressed jeans/skimpy shorts or vest t shirts. The trouble is that so many people feel what is virtually beachwear is appropriate for other things (e.g. bare chested supermarket shopping!)
I remember one parents’ evening at my last school when it was admittedly a sultry night and I had a dad in front of me in a vest t shirt and shorts that were scarcely more than speedos. He didn’t exactly have a “beach bod” either!
Our parents’ or grandparents’ generation might have erred on the side of too formal but I think there are too many who go too far the other way. Actually I think we need more dress codes!

cornergran Wed 10-Jul-19 08:23:26

It’s an interesting one kitty. I’ve not heard of it before, certainly depending on the timing it could be awkward for anyone needing to go straight from work whether work requires a suit or very casual clothing. One of our sons works shifts over a 7 day period and so could well need to attend a school event without the opportunity to return home and change. Has anyone asked the school for their reasoning? Maybe an attempt to make it ‘special’ for the children celebrating their achievements? Smart casual can mean many things and I suspect will trigger a wide range of clothing and no, I doubt any parent will be refused entry. Many congratulations to your grandson, you must all be very proud of him.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 08:35:01

Calendargirl, me, a huge embarrassment? Hardly. Funnily, once you're respected in your field (education) the rules no longer apply!

BlueBelle Wed 10-Jul-19 08:39:52

I personally think it well in order especially as I ve seen parents turn up in all sorts to ‘dos’
It may seem patronising to you kitty because you know how to dress and what is expected of you but not all parents do and they may have had them turning up in all sorts so a little mention hurts no one but is a guidance to those who aren’t so on the ball
Enjoy it

Minniemoo Wed 10-Jul-19 08:48:00

Maybe they've had experience with people turning up in scruffy attire. I wouldn't be upset with being asked to wear smart/casual at all. It's just a couple of words and could be helpful to some.

wildswan16 Wed 10-Jul-19 08:48:32

Lots of people find "dress codes" helpful. Many will have never been to a graduation or other similar event - do you wear jeans and t-shirt, or a posh frock and a hat? Do men wear formal suits or is it OK to turn up in their work dungarees?

It's always helpful for all participants to have a hint.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 08:54:44

I think that the people who understand the importance of this event won’t need to be reminded what to wear and those who have a more casual approach won’t pay the slightest bit of attention and will wear what the like, dress code or no. Is the school going to turn people away if they turn up in casual clothes? Smart casual is quite vague anyway and open to interpretation...

sodapop Wed 10-Jul-19 09:11:33

Very well done to your grandson kittylester You must be proud of him.

I really don't see a problem with the school giving guidance as to dress code. As others have said they want to make it a special occasion. Not everyone is aware of the social niceties.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 09:18:43

It's a school for goodness sake not the Queen's garden party.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 09:19:37

Of course the school would not turn anyone away! They are not the police. It’s an attempt to give this event the decorum and respect it deserves to make the children feel special. It may make a few people think and consider to find their best clothes in the wardrobe.
To feel that they have been dictated to and wear something totally inappropriate is only embarrassing for the children and the sign of someone who has not grown up.
I thought “feeling offended” about everything was a snowflake generation problem and not a baby boomer one.
There are real problems in this world.

Grandad1943 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:20:10

I have to agree that the statement of an appropriate dress code is acceptable on such an occasion as that under discussion. In the not too distant past, people seemed to have a better knowledge of what is appropriate wear for such events. However, that knowledge and acceptance now seems to have been lost.

Indeed the lack of any sense of "suitability and smartness" in clothing, Is I feel a sad loss to our society, especially within my own gender, that being men. These days in pubs and restaurants men are all too often to be seen in shorts, flip-flops and slogan tee shirts that look as if they have been worn for many days without even being washed.

With women, the situation is better I believe, but even in that you still see on occasion instances of inappropriate dress, especially at funerals etc.

In workplace offices, the code of men having to wear suits and ties was generally relaxed a few years ago. However, many companies have now reinstated a written dress code of "smart casual" for both genders and laid out precisely what that clothing should consist of.

Many employers feel that they have been made to enforce the above due to the abuse that has taken place in recent times of the relaxation of the previous more strict dress code rules.

DoraMarr Wed 10-Jul-19 09:21:37

So your grandson has won a prize which is to be presented at an awards evening, and your take away from this is.....to be annoyed by the letter outlining the evening? I was a teacher and was often surprised at how a minority of parents would turn up for school events, even when they were held in our local church, so, yes I do think it was a good idea for the school to indicate appropriate wear. As a previous poster said, the school is recognising the importance of this occasion for the children, and treating them with respect, and they hope the parents will too.

Missfoodlove Wed 10-Jul-19 09:27:44

At my daughters graduation a mother arrived in a sequinned dress and stilettos.
A dress code is acceptable and takes out the guess work for the less worldly parents.

Gonegirl Wed 10-Jul-19 09:27:48

I think it's a bit much for a school. Are all the local dignitaries going to be there? The Mayor with his chain of office? Local lord of the manor?

Just welcome the parents as they are I say.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 09:29:23

Dora, you will see from the OP that I said we are all very proud of him. DH is particularly proud as the science gene missed our children totally.

Our own grandchildren are very privileged in lots of ways but I wonder how embarrassed the less privileged children feel if their they know that their parents either will not or cannot conform.

EthelJ Wed 10-Jul-19 09:30:30

I agree kitty what does it matter what they wear? People are much too worried about appearances. This type of invitation really stresses my DH what does smart casual actually mean anyway? He has casual clothes ie jeans and smart clothes ie suits or smart trousers and jackets he doesn't have anything in between so never knows what to wear!
What matters is that the children's loved ones will be there to celebrate with them. Congratulations and i hope you all enjoy it.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:30:41

Schools have to be very image conscious now. They have endless problems recruiting appropriate staff too. Therefore, they tend to regularly set a bad example by using a blatantly disrespectful, dictatorial tone with students and parents alike. Of course people know how to dress - or don't care. Instructions make no difference.

I once had the pleasure of being on a panel interviewing a 'young lady' for a university job. She wore a vest top (no bra), tiny shorts and flip-flops. She had an impressive selection of piercings and tattoos. (Dare I add 'She was a big girl' too?) Although very well qualified we rejected her application on the assumption that she didn't really want the job!

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 09:34:30

I agree kitty. I can understand that the school wants to make this a special occasion and perhaps a dress code will focus the attention of some parents, but there will be some who don’t understand smart casual, or can’t afford new clothes for the family, or who will make a point by turning up in whatever they like. I hope that their attendance will be seen as the most important thing - and that the attention will be on the pupils rather than the parents choice of clothing.

henetha Wed 10-Jul-19 09:35:30

Smart causual is perfectly acceptable I think. It cover a lot of scope. It's not like they are saying Evening Wear only.

jura2 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:45:48

Hetty58 'I once had the pleasure of being on a panel interviewing a 'young lady' for a university job. She wore a vest top (no bra), tiny shorts and flip-flops. She had an impressive selection of piercings and tattoos. (Dare I add 'She was a big girl' too?) Although very well qualified we rejected her application on the assumption that she didn't really want the job!'

how sad - she probably would have been excellent, and as you said, well qualified. Had a similar experience and gave the person the job, as she interviewed brilliantly, had great experience and a fabulous personality. Once she had settled in, I asked why she dressed like that for the interview. She laughed and said 'isn't it obvious' and went on 'I truly don't want to workk for narrow-minded people who can't see past the 'uniform' and it worked, no?' She was amazing.

Juliette Wed 10-Jul-19 09:48:40

Is it maybe the venue that is specifying the dress code kitty not the school?

WadesNan Wed 10-Jul-19 09:52:00

Bearing in mind I recently saw two women in the supermarket wearing pyjamas and dressing gowns at 2.00pm perhaps the school have had previous experience of parents not knowing what was suitable.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 09:54:53

It's a shame that a school has to direct parents/carers in their dress code but sadly its probably just a reflection of society today. At my DGC's primary there are parents who bring their children to school in the most inappropriate clothes and wouldn't think for one minute that they should dress any differently for a prestigious event. I'm not saying that this is what happens at your DGS's school kitty . Oh and very well done to him for winning the Science prize. My son won a Science prize when he was 11 and was treat to a VIP day at a power station. He was in his element, no coincidence that he went on to be an Electrician. smile

rafichagran Wed 10-Jul-19 09:55:33

I would not object to smart casual dress for parents. I work with people who some people would describe as not in a good financial situation, but they are clean, tidy and they dress appropriately.
Why look for Some thing to be offended by. Smart casual is often put on invites for social occasions. I find it patronising to even bring people's social status into it.

Grandad1943 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:56:22

Jura2, company offices are places where the customers of the company often visit. What they see in the persons that work there can then affect work gained and in that everyone's future employment.

Therefore how the staff look and dress in those offices is important to all, and in that no one person or minor grouping should be allowed to jeopardise the future of all.

Riverwalk Wed 10-Jul-19 10:00:26

I'm with Kitty on this one - it's not for the school to suggest a dress code for such an event.

It was probably aimed at the vest & short wearers who'll take no notice, or likely not turn up anyway.

GrannyGravy13 Wed 10-Jul-19 10:03:48

I am just happy to get an invite!!!

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 10:05:53

I don't think it's about "affording new clothes" at all . It's probably more a case of "please do not turn up in shorts or pj's" .

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 10:16:07

I too think you ABU kitty. Why would it offend you? IF you turned up in your scruff and people were dressed nicely wouldn't you then ask why you weren't informed of a dress code? Dress code doesn't mean expensive, it just means putting a little effort into it and in my book it is showing respect to these lovely young people in the same way you dress for a wedding or funeral i.e. to show respect.

Recently on holiday there was a simple dress code for evening meals and I was appalled at the amount of people grumbling that the couldn't wear their swimwear! Another topic but some people will just argue for the sake of arguing when there is nothing to get upset about.

Congratulations to your DGS and I am sure you will do him proud.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 10:24:06

Who knows if it’s a case of being able to afford new clothes? The parents that can’t afford them don’t tend to advertise the fact. Not adhering to a dress will be a for a myriad of reasons as I said in that post.

jura I’m really surprised that you gave someone who turned up to a job interview dressed in similar clothes to a vest top and shorts. We’re a pretty casual team (although professional) but I wouldn’t give a job someone who couldn’t be bothered to make the effort with their clothes at an interview - even if they have a great interview (although we always have a huge number of applicants so they all tend to be great candidates by the time they’re at interview stage). The rule of thumb is dress more formally for interviews and then scale down to fit the team once you’re in the job. She was taking a real chance there!

Whitewavemark2 Wed 10-Jul-19 10:27:13

If we expect our children to have an acceptable level of standard in their uniform, then parents should act as the role model and do the same.

Greyduster Wed 10-Jul-19 10:27:53

Well done to your GS for winning his science prize👍. The parents are lucky they were invited. GS went to a school sports excellence awards ceremony last night at a local hotel and parents were not invited. They were accompanied only by teachers. As their school uniform is a non blazer affair, they were asked to wear either a suit or some smart clothing and I understand all the children were very well turned out. I assume that had parents been invited they too would have stepped up to the plate, but you never know. People’s attitudes to what is acceptable dress are very different. I never get upset about dress codes. I hope your GS enjoyed his evening.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 10:34:58

Jura2, we're not too much in disagreement as I wear whatever I like but for an administrative, customer-facing role the 'rules' still apply, unfortunately. Sometimes I'll dress very smartly and other times casually (never boringly) depending on the weather, my mood and where I'm going. I must admit, though, to an aversion to the baring of flesh (except on a beach). I shouldn't mind but find it repulsive!

Nannarose Wed 10-Jul-19 10:39:31

This happened at our DGCs' school and I had similar mixed feelings. No-one seemed to object, indeed, I think many were grateful for guidance.
At a tactful school (and ours is excellent) someone will be making sure that there will be a quiet word to anyone who is struggling to find something appropriate. Mostly though, it is not about cost (there are only a very few who don't have / can't get plain trousers & shirt from a charity shop) but about the kind of inappropriate dressing described above.
Personally, I don't really care, but as posters have pointed out, a 'laissez-faire' attitude may mean the kids have no idea as they get older, and it can hamper them.

Having said that, when our kids were at school, in a very mixed area, the parents dressed appropriately, apart from one dad who was an 'on call' breakdown driver. We all knew this, he was as neat and clean as possible, given he was in work clothing, and we were glad to see him there. Easier for the district nurses and midwives whose 'on call' clothes looked more normal.

I also think there may be some children whose parents don't want to support such events, and I hope the school can be helpful (it was, as many of us recall, always thus)

As for Tedber's point - they had a choice as to whether to book that holiday or another one!

rockgran Wed 10-Jul-19 10:47:10

Well done to the Dgs. I find a dress code helpful, not patronising. There are so few events in everyday life that merit a bit of an effort. Smart casual isn't difficult to achieve but it is a step up from shorts and a teeshirt. I'm always happy to bring out the pearls...but perhaps not the tiara!

Beckett Wed 10-Jul-19 10:47:38

I do think some people do need guidance on what is suitable these days. I recently attended a funeral and a woman showed up wearing a very short white lace dress.

trisher Wed 10-Jul-19 11:18:17

Is "smart casual" "prescriptive"? I would have thought that it left a huge variety of choice and just ruled out turning up in shorts, flip fops, jammies or workwear. I think many parents would welcome the guidance, after all turning up at an event in something inappropriate is embarassing for everyone including your child

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 11:26:41

Nanarose my POINT was that people will take offence/argue about anything even reasonable requests (who goes to a restaurant in a bikini? smile.....the holiday was irrelevant.

Aepgirl Wed 10-Jul-19 11:30:32

How refreshing that people are being asked to dress smartly. I am sick of seeing people wearing ripped jeans, scruffy t-shirts and dirty trainers. It’s a lovely opportunity to dress up and make your grandson proud of you.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 11:35:55

when our kids were at school, in a very mixed area, the parents dressed appropriately, apart from one dad who was an 'on call' breakdown driver. We all knew this, he was as neat and clean as possible, given he was in work clothing

Oh dear I daren't say what I would really like to say to this comment nannarose shock I wonder did you put newspapers down for him to stand on ?

Lizzies Wed 10-Jul-19 11:46:45

On Saturday morning I saw children and parents heading for the school speech day of a local fee paying school. All the children were in smart school uniforms, but the dress of the parents varied between smart casual and shorts and sandals. This was mostly males I have to say.

Annaram1 Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:10

I think it is very good of the school to make it into a special occasion for the pupils. Well done to your Grandson Kitty.
As for parents not being able to afford smart clothes, haven't they ever heard of charity shops? You can get a nice dress for £5 or so, smart men's trousers for about the same, and men's shirts for about £3. When my husband died 3 years ago I donated his clothes to a charity shop and went in about 2 weeks later, I saw the prices then, and also noticed that his black scarcely worn DJ was only £8!!!
I hope you have a lovely day.

Crazygran Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:41

I think we should see more of that as it is dreadful the way some people dress these days, especially in the Hot weather .you don’t have to wear expensive clothes but who wants to see half naked bodies except on the beach !!!!!
That’s better been wanting a rant about that for ages .

4allweknow Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:45

No problem here. Sure school wants to try to mark the occasion as being special. Smart casual usually means try not to turn up in track suits and trainers.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 11:57:34

A fiver for a dress, £3 for a shirt, £5 for trousers, the bus fares to get to the charity shops, etc etc - it all adds up. My DC went to a very socially diverse school (far more so than the one described upthread with midwives and district nurses and one delivery driver grin) and a fiver was what some kids got for their entire week’s lunch money. There were levels poverty that I was shocked by - and yet a couple of miles away there were families like us living in very different circumstances. I’m glad they had the school experience they did, it made us all very much more aware of the real challenges faced by some families.

knspol Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:40

What about if you can only get to the school straight from work in your overalls to see your child pick up a prize??? You should be denied entry due to an effort to stop morons turning up in vests, shorts and flip flops???

knickas63 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:41

Smart Casual is a generic description that covers a lot of things. I think it is basically to ensure no one turns up in bikini tops and shorts, or shirtless in the case of men. Don't take offense - I am sure none was meant. And this is someone who is pathologically opposed to being told what to do!

Kim19 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:35

I pretty much decide what I'm going to wear to a function on receipt of the invitation. I consider myself able to manage 'occasion appropriate'. However, I'm perfectly happy with guideline suggestions. What happens if someone is considered to be inappropriately attired? Are they excluded? And.....who decides?

maddyone Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:40

Perhaps the dress code is to stop people turning up in their pyjamas. When I was teaching, parents actually turned up to collect their children in pyjamas!
I agree with issuing a dress code because all too often people don’t understand the unwritten standards of dress and turn up to places dressed as if ready for bed, or for the beach.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:02

You could always stand at the back on newspaper knspol wink

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:55

grin

icanhandthemback Wed 10-Jul-19 12:07:20

It seems it is reasonable to be offended by anything these days. A dress code just gives a heads up to what would be appropriate to wear. My son's school, (an independent school where money would be less of a problem for 95% of the parents and who tend to dress in a conservative fashion), state a dress code on most of their events.

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:09:58

I'm always glad of guidelines. Perhaps if they had said it was only a guideline as some folk may not have enough money to have a smart casual outfit.

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:10:55

I used to love dressing up for the theatre /orchestra. Now I look conspicuous if I do!

sandelf Wed 10-Jul-19 12:14:56

I guess there might be some parents/guests who genuinely do not realise this is a 'make an effort' occasion and this is a simple way to make it clear that no, your usual ripped jeans will not do. smile

aonk Wed 10-Jul-19 12:18:20

I’m a retired secondary school teacher. I and my colleagues used to make an effort with our appearance for Parents Evenings. Some teachers would even change after school for this. This showed that we felt that meeting the parents was important to us. I only wish that some of the parents felt this way about meeting their children’s teachers! A special occasion deserves an effort no matter what type of school it may be. After all we’re strict about the students’ uniforms so not to dress appropriately is the height of hypocrisy!

BassGrammy Wed 10-Jul-19 12:22:34

I actually think it’s very useful to be given a dress code. How many times have we been to events where we haven’t known what to wear! Smart casual indicates the type of event it is, people will interpret it differently anyway. Those who want to go in shorts and flip flops, still will, and they won’t care, but those who would like to know have been told! I’d far rather that than turn up inappropriately dressed.

Griselda Wed 10-Jul-19 12:23:44

Wouldn't parents know that? Presumably they know how special it is and will do their best for their child.

I think their idea of doing their best may be different from yours. I went to a school carol service in my gd's local church and several men did not remove their headgear. I found the red baseball cap sideways particularly offensive. I tried to tell myself that at least the man was supporting his child, but I failed !
Like you I live in north-west Leicestershire.

Jaycee5 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:39:15

I agree with Marmight. A dress code is so that people aren't embarrassed. For day wear it wouldn't make that much difference for women but it would be a bit annoying as a man to wear a suit and tie and then learn that you didn't need to.
Smart casual is fairly wide description.

dragonfly46 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:43:29

I quite like dress codes - when I read them! I once went to a company do in a posh chiffon dress and should have read the dress code was office wear. I felt a proper 'nana.

sodapop Wed 10-Jul-19 12:48:32

Oh dear things are getting a bit heated over this. I assume the school was merely making a suggestion and there will not be bouncers on the door to prevent those who are improperly dressed from entering.smile

Nanny27 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:04

I agree with most other posts who support the dress code but for the opposite reason. I would guess that a lot of parents might expect to dress up for a prize giving (my father would have definitely worn a suit). This 'smart casual' suggestion is to allow parents to be a little less formal.

Danlan Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:12

I’m always grateful for a nod towards what’s expected from us in the clothes department. Being a veteran of numerous ceremonies I’ve loved seeing proud grannies in their hats smiled at laid back dads in smart chinos and a crisp shirt. I now know exactly what to wear but that’s because I’ve been to more than one ceremony.

Theoddbird Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:29

I see no problem with it at all. It gives a sense of occasion to the event which is so important for the students.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 12:58:04

I rarely go out anywhere special and last month my cousin offered me and my sister 2 spare tickets she had to a charity night on behalf of the RNLI . It was a river trip. I knew my sister had been on a few so I asked her what sort of thing I should wear. BIG MISTAKE ! she told me …. "no-one dresses up. Its all jeans, jumpers etc. and a thick warm coat as its freezing"

So there's me in my jeans, boots, jumper (with tee shirt under), padded coat etc. and everyone else was dressed up to the nines including my bloody sister ! I met 2 girls I used to go to grammar school with who were always way out of my league anyway, but looking like the clip I did, I felt like a piece of shit on their high heeled sandals. grin

It wasn't funny really !

grandtanteJE65 Wed 10-Jul-19 13:01:01

These days it is very difficult to know what to wear at various functions, so I would be pleased and not hurt by a dress code in an invitation.

Congratulations on the clever young man.

Septimia Wed 10-Jul-19 13:02:21

In a way, it's making sure that the event is special and that the children's efforts get the respect they deserve.

When you get individual people turning up for weddings or funerals (not themed events, which are a different matter) in football shirts and jeans, some guidance is perhaps needed.