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Speaking of other halves ...

(131 Posts)
Ninarosa Thu 22-Aug-19 19:04:44

Do any of you lovely ladies have a secret ' leaving ' fund ?
I have, although it's woefully small as I can't seem to stop buying Gabor shoes.
Serious/not serious question !

Doodle Thu 22-Aug-19 19:06:14

In a word, no. I would be lost

TwiceAsNice Thu 22-Aug-19 19:08:42

No I didn’t have a secret fund but was very glad I was financially independent when I did leave. Set up a new bank account to pay my salary into a

silverlining48 Thu 22-Aug-19 19:10:44

Oh yes, my running away money....I had saved since leaving school at 15 and kept it for the first 40 years, now cant run fast enough so it got swallowed up in the joint account.

crazyH Thu 22-Aug-19 19:13:30

No I didn't have a secret 'leaving' fund but I knew the courts would be very fair to me and they were.
And, btw, he left, so he probably had.

notanan2 Thu 22-Aug-19 19:22:50

Not as such but I have always maintai ed my financial independance and my earning potential as well as a close eye on deeds etc.

Every woman should.

Nortsat46 Thu 22-Aug-19 19:32:57

Ninarosa I don't have an 'escape' fund, but I did google Gabor shoes ... who have a sale on. Thanks for that.
In return do have a look at Moshulu shoes, who also have a sale on.

I have about 6 pairs of Moshulu and they are really well made and comfortable. My partner has 4 pairs too. 👡👟

MiniMoon Thu 22-Aug-19 19:43:26

I ordered the most beautiful pair of Moshulu shoes. Unfortunately they were like boats on my feet and I had to send them back. 😓
I never had an "escape fund", as I never felt I would ever need such a thing.

kittylester Thu 22-Aug-19 19:45:06

What for?

midgey Thu 22-Aug-19 19:50:40

Kitty -basically anything you want! Might be a running away fund might be that treat for the other half who knows!! Your own stash grin

Gonegirl Thu 22-Aug-19 19:52:28

Far too late for any running away now. I'll stick with the old bugger.

Luckylegs Thu 22-Aug-19 19:53:40

My mum always advised me to have a little money put away at the back of my purse, just in case. Just in case of - you want to do a bunk, or buy yourself something or treat someone, etc. Good advice I have always followed when I could.

Ngaio1 Thu 22-Aug-19 19:56:42

I wish I had known about an escape fund. I most certainly have set one up. Drunken husband was always leaving trousers on the floor with money in the pockets! He had no idea how much money he spent through the day and evening and would not have known if had taken some.

Maggiemaybe Thu 22-Aug-19 20:02:55

I'm the finance manager in our house, and despite my best efforts, I can't get the other half to show any interest whatsoever in what goes in and out of the bank accounts. I have warned him that if he doesn't buck up and we ever split he'll be out of here without a pot to p--- in. He thinks I think I'm joking. hmm I am - I love him dearly.

NanaandGrampy Thu 22-Aug-19 20:04:15

Never had a secret fund of any sort. Having said that I have always had my own bank account . We have a joint account that whilst I was working we both put in a % of salary to pay bills, mortgage , holidays etc.

My money in, my account is just that - mine. My husband doesn't ask me about it , if we needed it for something then I would be fine with that but I have always maintained my financial independence and after 43 years I see no reason to change.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 22-Aug-19 20:05:33

My maternal grandmother advised me to have a “slush fund” for whatever emergency may arise.

I have always had one, Mr.Gravy has always been aware of it. We have a joint bank account for household bills, several joint credit cards but I have always had several personal credit cards to ensure my individual credit rating.

If you are only a “secondary” card holder and have no accounts/cards/ bills in your name it can cause problems if/when your husband dies.

cornergran Thu 22-Aug-19 20:11:03

Our mothers must have been related luckylegs, mine said exactly the same thing. I’ve always carried a little extra cash ‘just in case’, although I’m not sure in case of what. It feels a bit ridiculous now but habits die hard.

M0nica Thu 22-Aug-19 20:32:20

I never had a slush fund but I was always capable of earning my living at a professional living. My mother was insistent that all her three daughters should have professions. Her mother and grandmother had been widowed in their 30s with young children and as Irish immigrants life for them was very difficult.

I have always had a personal bank account and all our savings accounts were joint. For most of our working lives, DH travelled abroad a lot so all the family finances were in my hands anyway.

Grannybags Thu 22-Aug-19 20:43:03

As my Mum used to say "What's his is ours and what's mine's me own!"

sodapop Thu 22-Aug-19 21:01:45

Yes same as notanan2 I always maintained financial independence, my ex was unbelievably mean with money so I kept my own in self defence. So glad I did it made leaving so much easier.

SalsaQueen Thu 22-Aug-19 21:36:30

No, he's always had more money than me (and kept me and our 2 sons for years when I was a stay-at-home mother. We've got a joint account, and he doesn't begrudge me anything. (I'm very lucky to have him)

Sara65 Thu 22-Aug-19 22:57:30

Every time moshulu send me an email, I buy another pair of sandals, they are so comfortable, I wear them all day at work, and have some to match every outfit, love their boots too!

Regarding the escape fund, I’m the worlds worst saver, but I always used to have an escape route in mind, not for any reason, just felt if anything happened, I’d have a way out. I advise my daughters the same.
We all work together, so any break up could be awkward to say the very least!

Joyfulnanna Thu 22-Aug-19 23:02:45

Oh yes I have its what keeps me sane

callgirl1 Thu 22-Aug-19 23:43:48

I never had a "leaving fund", but every time we hada row I`d sit down and decide what furniture, etc., I`d take if I left! Mind you, I never did.

Nicolaed Thu 22-Aug-19 23:54:54

Forget the escape fund, try gin, it solves any problem!

GagaJo Thu 22-Aug-19 23:57:13

I was married at 18. By 19 I knew he couldn't be trusted with money so cancelled the joint account.

Yes to an escape fund and very glad I was always financially independent. A few years of poverty after I left, but mostly financially stable now.

Sara65 Fri 23-Aug-19 06:25:43

In my experience (not personal) even the loveliest of men can become extremely difficult when a relationship breaks up, best to be prepared

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:09:27

Lovely men can also go bankrupt, get arrested, die, get made redundant, get fired, have life altering illnesses or diseases, need residential care, have all savings in his name assessed for care funding etc....

A break up isnt the only scenario a woman needs an escape fund for

harrigran Fri 23-Aug-19 08:22:23

I have always had my own account, copying my mother who called it her "running away fund". The only difference was my money was in the bank but we found mother's under the corner of her bedroom carpet after she died.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:33:53

Lovely men can make bad choices. Hit bad times and spiral downwards.

I havent had an escape savings account because of always having my own income so I could walk into an estate agent tomorrow and they would rent me somewhere based on my salary. But for housewives and stay at home mums it is essential as is their own pension pot.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:36:49

See also: being married!

No woman should ever agree to be the non earner in a relationship where they arent married.

dragonfly46 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:37:42

Never needed one - DH earned the money and I manage it. Never contemplated leaving.

DanniRae Fri 23-Aug-19 09:01:22

Oh Yes! - my darling mum and dad left me a substantial amount of money - all safely tucked away in bank and premium bonds.
I used to work with a man who told me to "Always have someone else lined up just in case!" so I have! (Thank goodness we don't use our real names or I never would have admitted to that!) shock

Septimia Fri 23-Aug-19 09:15:32

We've always had separate current accounts and a jont savings account from which we pay the major bills. Originally we both contributed the same amount to that but, when I stopped working, the donations mostly came from DH and still do.

I realised a short time ago that, while I have an adequate income, the savings (now two joint accounts and one of DH's) might be tied up for a while if anything happens to DH. So I decided that I should start to accumulate some savings just in case!

mokryna Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:12

Yes, thank goodness!

grandMattie Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:21

When I was a young married, stay at home mum, I heard on Woman’s Hour, that every woman should have a running away fund. Now 40 years on, I still have it... it’s a running joke in the family, but I’m very glad for it gave me a sense of security should I have had need of it. My daughter hasn’t listened to me, but since when has she? She’s fine in her marriage, BTW.

b1zzle Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:36

Oh yes! I had a secret leaving fund for fifteen years - and used it last year at the tender age of 70 to finally do the Nelson Mandela walk for freedom and never regretted it!

Diggingdoris Fri 23-Aug-19 10:11:58

When my first husband left I hardly had a penny to my name and vowed never to be in that situation ever again. Now DH and I have separate bank accounts and he never asks what I've got. So I feel secure when things get rocky.

grove1234 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:16:40

Try to be finically responsible .That may mean having your own bank account ,managing your own money .

Davida1968 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:17:47

No, I've never had a "secret fund", but I worked all my life and earned a salary; now I have a decent pension. I think it's really important for a woman to have "job skills" and to be able to earn regular money, where/when possible. Then if you need to "walk away", you have an income to rely upon. (Thankfully I've never needed to "walk away".)

maryhoffman37 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:19:35

No! I wouldn't dream of leaving my lovely man. Of course I have my own bank account as well as our joint ones and I have a SIPP but basically we share everything.

luluaugust Fri 23-Aug-19 10:21:04

No I don't have a secret fund but I have an account of my own where I could get cash pretty quickly if needed. My granny, a Victorian always thought a girl should have a little money of her own.

Minerva Fri 23-Aug-19 10:21:21

Yes but it was pitiful. He on the other hand had squirrelled away enough to buy a home and vamoose. Good riddance. Should have happened 40 years before when he said he had made a mistake on the wedding night. I was an idiot but was never happier than the day he left. Nine years on now.

annep1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:22:03

Well done Bizzle.

Separate accounts for us too DiggingDoris with complete privacy. I pay one third of joint expenditure as DH has twice my income.
Having a "running away" fund is important and so is having your own income

Since when did children listen to advice grandMattie or say you were right mum?. Did we, with our mums, I wonder?

chris8888 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:21

No, but wish l had when l did finally leave.

Annaram1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:48

I always had a small bank account in my name into which I put my earnings as a hypnotherapist (my second job.) My husband knew about it and sometimes we spent a bit of it on a celebration. We had a joint account where my earnings as a Librarian went.
However when my husband died I discovered that he had a secret stash in a Virgin ISA. He had been putting £50 a month into it. Maybe it was HIS running away money. On inheriting it I started spending it on lovely holidays to exotic places, such as Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands, Brazil, and Vietnam. Its all gone now. Thank you darling!

jaylucy Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:57

I wish I had ! I didn't work so had to rely on ex for financial support and he only gave me enough to spend on just what was needed. He didn't even cough up anything to support our son!
My mum had set up two separate accounts that thankfully she had told me about as dad and everyone else seemed to know nothing about - to pay for her funeral and dads too!
Neither had life insurance (this was before every ad break had adverts for it) so when she died unexpectedly at least the funds were there to pay for the funerals.

Nandee Fri 23-Aug-19 10:26:24

My mum once gave me a 1000 pounds and told me to keep it as my "leaving fund". I forgotten about it till I saw this post. I think I used it to start a wedding fund for my daughter. However like someone else mentioned once I had had my family and restarted work and earnt proper money I can remember that great feeling of being able to be independent if I needed to. Unfortunately I my husband died before we could start our retirement together.

quEEEniE Fri 23-Aug-19 10:29:35

what is special about gabor shoes?

Harris27 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:30:57

I wouldn’t say it was a leaving fund more of a contingency plan!!

grannydo Fri 23-Aug-19 10:33:22

Oh yes for years, My Mum always said have a 'you' fund for you and you only, passed this on to my Daughter as birthday money etc always ends up in the house purse.
I use it for holiday extras , theatre tickets or any thing I would like to buy.

LauraMeredith Fri 23-Aug-19 10:33:28

My friend calls it her knicker-leg-pocket fund! She says all women should have one. Can't say I disagree with her.

Jacqui1956 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:36:51

Yes and I’ve encouraged both my daughter and son to have a secret fund. My daughter calls hers ‘The rainy Day fund’ my sons is the ‘Great Escape Fund’.

Apricity Fri 23-Aug-19 10:37:48

Mine wasn't a "running away fund" as I earned enough to fund my own flight if I chose to do that but boy did I have running away fantasies. I daydreamed and planned complex and amazing disappearing acts worthy of a film script.

Did I ever do it? No, I loved my children too much but my ex-husband and I did eventually part in a much more civilised manner. Somehow we are all still friends, both re-partnered, and the kids and grandkids are all doing fine. But some of those fantasies still linger.....the sliding doors moments in life....🌺🤔🍀

TheMaggiejane1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:38:00

I didn’t the first time round - never thought I needed one. I was left with 3 dependant children. My then husband promptly stopped paying the mortgage and all the household bills without telling me, despite my salary being less than a quarter of his. Even when I took him to court to get him to pay the mortgage he didn’t pay the back payments. Within a few months I had thousands of pound worth of debts. Utility companies only chase the person living in the house. He hid any money he had so even the courts couldn’t compensate me, it took me years to get out of debt. This time round I have my own money, we live in OH’s house and I rent mine out, I know exactly how I would survive if needs be and I’d never be dependent on anyone again.

Theoddbird Fri 23-Aug-19 10:40:52

My mother had just left me some money. He didn't want half. Wish I had invested it wisely....sighs

Saggi Fri 23-Aug-19 10:43:23

Welcome to my world Joyfulnanna....I have only had ‘an escape fund’ since 5 years ago when I got my state pension. I found the bravery to open my own account , instead of my money going into our joint account which he totally controls! He screamed every abuse at me for three weeks....but I braved it! I still pay my pension into my ‘escape fund’ and I told him I’d he wants me to keep house for him ..cook for him... do e erythibg job you could possibly kebthink if in our house , then he’ll have to consider it my ‘wages’ ...long, long overdue financial independence.

Artdecogran Fri 23-Aug-19 10:51:13

No I never did but my DS did aged 4, which consisted of 4 tea bags, tube of toothpaste - no brush, an oxo cube, and a roll of toilet paper in a huge suitcase under his bed. Too many Famous Five stories I guess.

JacquiG Fri 23-Aug-19 10:51:54

What a good idea. Women need to keep as much independence as they can.

weenanni59 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:53:50

My mother always had what she called ‘slush money ‘ she advised me to do the same.
I call it my secret purse ... it’s always gone on small emergencies so far ..

optimist Fri 23-Aug-19 10:57:01

I have always worked full time (had three children close together). Always earned my own money had my own bank account. Very different attitudes towards money from my husband. He was a spender/I was a saver. So when he died four years ago he left debts. After I paid them off I am solvent though not wealthy. If we had a joint account I may have been left with no money.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 23-Aug-19 11:19:11

Mr Barmey manages the financial stuff and he is very good at it I must say. Every now and again we sit and talk finances and discuss investments and future plans I have always had my own bank account and some savings but I have no intention of leaving him.

Sparklefizz Fri 23-Aug-19 11:23:36

Good grief CrazyH No I didn't have a secret 'leaving' fund but I knew the courts would be very fair to me and they were.

Trust the courts? That really is crazy! (See TheMaggieJane's post above)

My ex lied to the court, cheated, falsified documents, reneged on legal agreements, bounced cheques on me and lied to the children. I had to find my own way and sell junk at car boot sales to put food on the table and keep a roof over the children's heads. I would never trust the courts.

Every woman needs financial independence.

jocork Fri 23-Aug-19 11:24:04

I didn't have a secret fund and wish I had. When I found out about my ex's affair I didn't kick him out immediately - just into the spare room - but I started stashing away what I could at that point. Unfortunately I was on a very low income so didn't get chance to save much. I was lucky in that he prevented me getting a divorce at first, thinking he'd do better when the children went to uni. In the end he was made redundant and got a new job abroad so instead of me having to sell the house, I managed to keep it as he wasn't looking to buy a home, so I did a deal where I took the equity and agreed to no maintenance. I've ended up with a fairly valuable house and as soon as I retire I'll de-clutter and downsize. I'll be able to enjoy the proceeds in my retirement. If he had stayed in the UK I'd have struggled to keep a roof over our heads!

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Fri 23-Aug-19 11:55:11

Yes not much though but will need it soon as am running away from a miserable, tight fisted, gaslighting husbandsad

GabriellaG54 Fri 23-Aug-19 11:57:59

Nooo, he had and has far more than I do and I was keen to put in the effort to keep the fires burning, so to speak. After 40 years I called time and it paid off. wink

philly Fri 23-Aug-19 12:00:26

Many, many years ago, my very funny Irish cousin told me that on his marriage he put a £10 note under the glass of the dressing table so his wife had enough for the train fare if she felt she had had enough. She never felt the need to use it. He is very much missed.

Nanny41 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:02:26

I have my own account, and Husband doesnt ask about it, as he has his own too.I always maintain financial independance,one never knows!

Magrithea Fri 23-Aug-19 12:03:53

I have my own bank account which is quite healthy and investments in my own name so could be OK!

Kate51 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:16:20

I have always looked after our joint finances. OH has no interest. I have warned him for years I could leave him penniless. Happily married for 34 years . My only worry is if I go first so have a notebook to guide him through the finances. Had our situation been different I would always have a secret fund. I could not hand all financial responsibility over to someone else.

schnackie Fri 23-Aug-19 12:21:17

Maggiemaybe glad to hear you won't leave him, but what will he do if you die first! Both partners should always be familiar with all aspects of family finances. (I should add, that does not include the secret stash. Wish I'd had one when I needed it.)

TrendyNannie6 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:23:31

Nope so far never needed one thank goodness ,

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:24:26

Nope so far never needed one thank goodness

Once you need it its too late to start it

Maggiemaybe Fri 23-Aug-19 12:27:10

Oh, I know, schnackie. Which is why I wrote despite my best efforts, I can't get the other half to show any interest whatsoever. Fear not, I have left written instructions for him! And if he doesn’t remember where they are, I’ve told the DC as well. smile

crazyH Fri 23-Aug-19 12:30:54

Sparkle, I'm sorry you had such a bad deal. So did Maggie and some others.
I can only say, you probably didn't have a very efficient lawyer. On the other hand, I have to say, because I dealt with all the finances of the Practice, he couldn't hide anything. I kept the books. That was my unpaid job. Perhaps that was taken into account. I don't know.

Cambia Fri 23-Aug-19 13:04:22

Nortsat46 that just cost me! Never heard of Moshulu shoes but just had a look and bought a lovely pair in the sale! You should be on commission.

absthame Fri 23-Aug-19 13:39:26

I always insisted that my wife had her own personal account as well as her business account, my account is my business account which she has full access to and we have also have a joint account.

I believe that all wives should be independent persons and in that independence they can be who they want and need to be. Thankfully my wife chooses to remain my wife and best friend. As for me, I have no choice, I stay with the center of my life, my wife, and that is a necessity for me, not an issue of choice smilesmile

Humbertbear Fri 23-Aug-19 13:39:59

My daughter recently went to a financial planning seminar for women and setting up an escape fund was the main piece of advice given. Of course her friend who is in most need of one., doesn’t have one

Ninarosa Fri 23-Aug-19 13:45:18

A disappearing act worthy of Houdini eh ?
I'm pleased to see that so many of you have no need for a plan B, however I'm also heartened by the growing number of you who have this for whatever reasons.
I don't feel such a conniving article now.

Mincub Fri 23-Aug-19 14:05:52

Secret leaving fund. Hmm, now that would be telling, it wouldn’t be a secret then would it? 😉

Damdee Fri 23-Aug-19 14:11:28

I haven't now I am on third husband (yes really!) but I have a home in my own name and some money in savings etc. When I was younger and poorer (and especially with useless husband 2) I used to keep a stash of cash hidden away in the house for emergencies and was often used for necessities.

Psalmody Fri 23-Aug-19 14:39:57

On the way to my wedding my father gave me £50 cash so I could get away for a night safely if needed. I have always had independent savings which I consider a safety net. I have never needed to use it but it has been a close call once or twice! Highly recommend all women to have a little something somewhere.

Dee1012 Fri 23-Aug-19 14:55:30

The night before I married my Dad took me to one side and handed me an envelope containing money.
He told me that he hoped I'd never need it but to keep it safe and add what I could to it...he also advised me never to 'let him know' and never have a joint account.
Sadly, I did need it and if I hadn't have had that safety net, life could have been very difficult for me.

I've worked with many vulnerable women over the year's and it's the one piece of advice that could have helped so many.

Neilspurgeon0 Fri 23-Aug-19 14:59:16

Oh MaggieMaybe I guess you are not my wife, but you could extremely well be, we have always had a joint account, but she runs it. The kids needed shoes and clothes, we all needed food, what I needed I just asked for and mostly she would get it for me, often for birthday/Christmas if it was a larger item. I was at work or at sea so could never get near a shop. Now I am retired, very happy to have it all sorted for me. I guess if she wanted to run she would have done so years ago, so we will doubtless continue as we have for the past forty years and, for my sanity and peace of mind, I almost hope I go first.

Stansgran Fri 23-Aug-19 15:02:20

DH when he gave me my engagement ring said it was a large plain diamond which if inthe event of an emergency I would be able to pawn it and it should see me safe. A kind man then and still kind and thoughtful now but pawnbrokers are a vanished race. But he was thinking of my safety and welfare .

aggie Fri 23-Aug-19 15:42:02

My Mum had her own account and took me to her bank when I started work to set up an account , I kept it going so that when I was working thats where my salary went . When I got married OH would hand me a tenner every saturday for housekeeping , actually at first it was MIL who gave me the money till I objected . Oh then set up a joint account , we used it for utilities tax bill car etc , and I got food , clothes , holidays from my own account as I worked in between children . When he died 16 months ago I couldn't bear to spend "his" money . I still spend my own pension and seldom use the old joint account which is now in my name of course

Scooty413 Fri 23-Aug-19 15:55:37

I didn't have and worried so much that it made me ill. I needed to leave and take the kids with me as my other half had threatened to kill us all. My bank gave great advice telling me they'd immediately open a new account in my name and move everything across (he never paid into the joint account anyway and drank all of his wages). They said to leave a couple of pounds in old account and that he'd not be able to go overdrawn by more than £25. Because they knew situation, I had reassurance about bills and wages, etc. So glad it all worked out and best thing I ever did. Took me a while but I'm debt and mortgage free now and grown up
kids are safe.

JulietFoxtrot Fri 23-Aug-19 16:01:38

Yes, but it didn’t start as a ‘running away’ fund - I started saving £2 coins when they first came into circulation. The pot mounted up more quickly than I expected, and every time I had a couple of hundred quid, I changed it into bank notes (easier to stash around the house!). When our marriage eventually started to go wrong and I thought I might need to leave home in a hurry, I had over £2000 in cash, which I hid in my car, under the spare wheel. The day I left, I was very glad of it, even though I had my own salary and was able to switch that from our joint account to a new account in my sole name the next week.

GinJeannie Fri 23-Aug-19 16:53:13

DD No.1 didn’t approve of, or like, much older SiL No.2 so set up an Escape Fund’ for her younger sister many years ago! DD No.1 now divorced while DD No.2 and husband recently celebrated their Silver Wedding!

trendygran Fri 23-Aug-19 17:30:46

Love moshulu shoes. Always looked in the St.Davids shop when visiting family there. Will be tempted if it’s still there when nearby again in a couple of weeks.

Caro57 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:17:34

Yes - IFA (male) always recommends ‘running away’ fund. Wonder if DH has the same ...........😂🤣

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:20:38

DH when he gave me my engagement ring said it was a large plain diamond which if inthe event of an emergency I would be able to pawn it and it should see me safe

Same. DH got me a ring that I could cash in in an energency. That is why women traditionally collected jewellery.

Current fashions disregard this.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:22:31

*Sparkle, I'm sorry you had such a bad deal. So did Maggie and some others.
I can only say, you probably didn't have a very efficient lawyer*

And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

Sparklefizz Fri 23-Aug-19 18:29:58

And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

You are so right!

and CrazyH I used the lawyer recommended by the Marriage Guidance people (now Relate). My ex was very aggressive and I think she was as unnerved by him as I was.

blue60 Fri 23-Aug-19 18:41:53

No, I dont.

wicklowwinnie Fri 23-Aug-19 19:19:17

My husband had a work colleague who, when his wife died, could not understand why he was finding money in all the pockets of her clothes, tucked away in drawers and cupboards, even little purses in the toes of her shoes.
She had not expected to die first and he thought what a happy marriage it had been. I didn't enlighten them even though I had no idea about her leaving fund. A case of sleeping dogs lie.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:44:36

Wicklow an emergency fund doesnt = an unhappy marraige.

Quite the opposite usually. You built it up when things are good. Its making hay while the sun shine!

Avor2 Fri 23-Aug-19 19:44:49

I have had my 'running away' money in a cupboard in the bedroom for 30 years, sadly I keep dipping in to it for presents, Christmas, clothes, holidays ...................... so I think I have about £20 at the moment. Getting there smile. How could I leave my DH, he is the only one that loads the dishwasher correctly !!!???!!!???

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 20:02:47

Sounds like my emergency "atms are down" drawer Avor... its dipped into more than its added to grin

Grandmama Fri 23-Aug-19 21:06:38

Many years ago I had a 'secret' fund in my POSB (Post Office Savings Account). Not really a leaving fund but just a bit of money in case I wanted to buy myself something. We weren't actually all that well off and I knew that DH would suck it into the housekeeping if he knew about it. However, he became too ill to continue working, we went on to benefits and we had to declare what money we had so my secret fund was found out (and soon spent). sad