Seeing grandchild too often

I think you should either tell her straight or tell her your working hours are changing and you won`t know how the new schedule will effect her turning up every night.
It`s going to be difficult either way.
She is being a little selfish/childish tbh.

Bookwormnanny

Do you think the youngest child never really grows up? I think my youngest was spoilt not only by us, but by her older siblings, and they still treat her like the baby sister.

She is very dependent on us, and I can’t see anything changing.

Sorry, pedants, for the missing apostrophe in there!

I would hate that, but like you, be very unsure of how to end it without risking upsetting her in a way that might have long-term repercussions.

Your daughters visits have become so regular that it really needs gently pointing out that she can't expect to be treated
like a guest, with you and DH putting your own routines aside for her.

To avoid potential fallout, you perhaps need to do this gradually.

If they weren't there, what would you do after getting home? Put your feet up? Watch TV? Read?
If it's feasible, come in and do that thing (or anything, really, that will break the cycle), saying that you are really tired and really fancy doing whatever it is that you would do if they weren't there.

See how this goes down , then gradually try to add to it over coming visits.

I am not suggesting that you deliberately make visits unpleasant for your daughter, just that you slowly reshape her expectations.
I know that ideally, you would like her to stop coming as often, but you have to start somewhere ...

Good luck.

I emphasise, I really do.

I love my youngest daughter, and her three children dearly, but her partner is completely useless, and I find myself doing lots of running around with the children, and they are usually here at the weekends.

I work full time, and my weekends are precious, but I know the children love being here, and I feel sorry for my daughter who also works full time , so I say nothing.

I moan about it to my husband a bit, but I’d never say anything to hurt her feelings.

Could you come in , flop in the chair and say you are exhausted after a busy day at work and ask her if she will cook that evening? Could you and DH eat out once a week/ fortnight and just tell your DD please don't come tomorrow we are going out for a meal to celebrate whatever?

Oh dear. What a tricky situation. I don’t know a simple way out but do think you have to free up at least a couple of nights a week for yourselves.

Could you ask her to cook one night and try that. Say you are really stressed and would she cook whilst you have bath?
It might be enough to just make her think. You can praise her for helping out and suggest you alternate cooking - maybe that way she'll gradually realise you need a little more time to relax in future.
As others have said, something needs to happen as this has become the norm.

I can empathise with you bookwormnanny. You are not being unreasonable.

I think the problem is adult children don’t think that their parents want a life of their own too!! I am betting when SHE has other plans she won’t give a thought about you being alone or anything?

Also understand this monopoly over the tv/computer/iPad (got lot more Gc though)
Drives my other half bonkers sometimes! (Meanwhile mum is on her phone lol.).

But I am pretty straight forward and tell them what am thinking. If I need “my time” I just tell them. I think we just have that kind of relationship so I don’t worry, even if they take the huff, they will sulk for long. I don’t know what your daughter would do?

Whichever way you play it you do need to get the peace you crave. It’s all very well people saying it won’t last forever! It is “now” you want to have time to yourself as well as welcoming your family. Perfectly understandable. Good luck

I can understand how you must feel but if it were my daughter I'd be very reluctant to say anything to her about it being a bit much. The last think I would want to do would be to hurt her feelings. Is she managing OK in her own home, moneywise? Maybe she's just lonely? Does she have friends of her own? Does your GC ever have school friends over for tea/playdates? Perhaps you could encourage your daughter to arrange for the odd playdate for your GC, by saying she must get a bit bored just watching tv with her grandparents/mummy, she'd probably love to have a little friend over once or twice a week ...

Whatever you do, don't do/say anything that may upset your daughter ... you don't want to put a strain on your relationship with her. I'd much rather sit it out, and hope that if her relationship with her new boyfriend progresses, you need your company less ...

Firstly, be sure (and very careful) not to upset her and make her feel unwelcome. You really don't want this to permanently ruin your relationship.

Secondly, you need to change things to break the bad habit. Yes, try being otherwise occupied, out, 'ill', away or hosting other people. Ask her to bring food and cook sometimes. (Is she broke?) or get her involved in helping with chores. Are there after school clubs for your GD?

Perhaps the TV could be out of action for a few days 'awaiting repair'? (I did this with my own kids once - replaced the fuse with a blown one - peace and quiet.)

I'd advise against requiring her to ask (or make an appointment) to visit but you could get her to text when she's on her way. Sometimes, you should go to see her instead. She may just crave company at the moment but it's probably only a phase.

Instead of coming home after work, turn up at her place and when she calls and asks where you are, you ask her what's for tea. If you have a key, go in and put your feet up and watch the tv until she returns to cook for you. Then you rummage through her bookshelves etc. until you feel like going home. Do this every day until she gets the message and then you can invite her over when YOU feel like it.

I’d get cheesed of with this too, can’t you and your husband go out for the evening or have friends round even if just for a walk. Tell your daughter you’ll be busy so no point coming round you have to break the cycle.

I do sympathise. I think you should do something about this situation. Does your husband know how you feel? How does HE feel? Might he be the best person to tackle your daughter? One or both of you need to make it clear to her that she is overdoing the visiting and is taking you for granted. You could suggest she limits her visits to a couple of times a week or try telling her in advance that you will both be out on Monday/Tuesday/whatever next week but you will look forward to seeing them both on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/whatever. Good luck!

Nip this in the bud, now.
Sorry but don't know how but this would drive me crazy, much as I love DD and DGC's.
Best of luck
You are certainly not being unreasonable.

I think I would say that next Tuesday you'll be going out, or something along those lines, and gradually increase the evenings you aren't available.

Or, you could just be brave and tell her it's all a bit much?

I know it must feel wearing - but just go along with it. It won’t be forever and how lovely that they can come to you like this.