*sorry-meant brother in laws aunty.
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Husband does not want a party
(152 Posts)My husband will be 70 next week. That's a pretty good milestone I think and most people have a party or whatever. We have an issue however, my husbands sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago, she had kemo and went into remission. About a month ago she was told the cancer had returned and was in her spine from her neck to her pelvis.
There is no cure for this, she is on kemo again which will slow down the disease but that's all.
My husband and his sister are not all that close, in fact a lot of the time he has issues with a lot of things she does but he has decided he does not want a big party for his birthday as it would be inappropriate to celebrate turning 70 when she is not going to reach that age. I don't have a problem with that.
Anyhoo he told me to tell this to our daughters who said ok no big party but how about they just invite us round to dinner on his birthday. I mentioned this to him and he said well ok.
I understand the no big party thing I do, well mostly I do, lets say I understand that's how he feels and its his feelings so he has a right to them. But, I just told him about the invitation to dinner and he said "why" and I said well they just wanted to make you dinner for your birthday. He was less than enthusiastic and said " you told them no big party right". Honestly, it is pizza and chilli on the back deck of our youngest daughters house, there will only be our kids, its not even a party just pizza and chilli. Our girls love him and they want to share his birthdays with him because as our youngest says he's not getting any younger and he has polycystic kidney disease and who knows when his last birthday will be.
Is it unreasonable to want that, to want to just have him over for dinner?
The reality is that his sister is not going to die next week, she's not going to die this year and she may not die next year.
I am wondering if there is something else going on but when I ask him he just says no.
Toadinthehole- not at all- depends how old yours, and the BinL's siblings are- my own 'kids' range from 17- 40, so the two youngest were actually uncles already when they were born and their oldest nephew is older than them& one niece same age as 21yrold! (Same as on coronation street how no one can understand how ken barlows grandson is older than kens son daniel?) So no it doesn't necessarily mean they're same ages.Or even the sister could have married an older man.it does say Brother-in-laws sister doesnt it? Or BiL could have a sister a lot older than him.Does it matter? Yes it is off topic.
i'm 78 and have never has a party to celebrate (did have parties when I was a child) my son used to come and usually bring a cake but no party. i do like to receive cards but a party is not necessary for me.
Sorry yellowcanary, I know this is off topic....but if you’re 60 next year, then wouldn’t your brother in law be around the same age? Your sister’s husband/ or husband’s brother? How is the auntie only 60? I know I’ll have missed something, but it’s making my head simmer!?. Once again, sorry to go off topic.
The thing that 'else' is going on is a world pandemic.- youre being a selfish idiot! Sorry if you came on here thinking we would all agree with you- but NO!
I think he may have it in the back of his head that it’s going to be a surprise party and you are saying it’s just dinner just to get him there. Get your dds to explain to him it’s a simple dinner and he may have different reaction.
Oh Dear! Wherever you are in the world then surely parties of ANY SIZE are NOT a good idea right now?? What is the matter with everyone?Why are they acting like we're not in the middle of a bloody pandemic??!! EXACTLY REASONS LIKE THIS ARE WHY ITS STILL BLOODY SPREADING! Sorry if I'm too blunt, but i'm starting to get annoyed now about folk who think its ok just to do as they used to and carry on as normal, where will it end? When there's no one left in the world except one person? Face facts lady! Your husband DOESN'T WANT a party he does NOT even want a birthday dinner!- its HIS big day- not yours, or anyone elses- he can choose NOT to.I understand your daughters wanted to do something nice for him, but how about they do that by listening to him and what he said in first place and granting him his wish for NO party- dinner, or otherwise!Maybe he's afraid of mixing in a pandemic too right now, especially with age & illness to consider, or have you not thought of that? Or maybe he just does not want one- whatever, its his choice.Not yours.
Maybe he just doesn't want a reminder that he's reached 70 and he's worried about getting old in his eyes.
well dont forget the rule of 6... you cant have a party where theres more than 6 people from different households....why do u think that the rules of CV. dont apply to you
I don;t know what is going on with your husband, Kartush, but when I am unenthusiastic about any get together it is because for one reason or another I don't want to be superficial and chat about superficialities. If this is what concerns your husband he has my sympathy.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You can't have a party anyway at the moment. Rule of 6.
It’s up to him! It’s his birthday!
I will also be 70 in a few weeks time. My husband and I have booked afternoon tea at a nearby restaurant. I am expecting that to get cancelled.
To be honest we have always gone out for a meal for birthdays, no parties for us. Although I would love someone to throw a surprise birthday party for me but that would be unlikely in normal circumstances let alone now.
Parties are off the agenda I am afraid until this pandedemic is over.
You can get together with a total of 4 people plus yourselves to make six. Here in England children are counted in the numbers.
Sounds like you have a lovely, sensitive husband there which is something to be proud of. I don't like the number of times you said 'die' like that. You have no idea how long the poor woman has. Respect his wishes and sensitivities.
Whose birthday is it ?
Because it sounds as if you want a party despite your husband’s wishes , the dangers to his & families health.
You’re being a bit selfish tbh
Can never understand adult birthday parties - to me they are part and parcel of children growing up. Once 18 or 21 has been reached I always felt that was it. Sorry but all seems very childish whether you do or do not have a party, especially if the adult birthday boy/girl is not in favour.
Have put my crash helmet on to deflect the brickbats!! Everyone to their own, luckily - as far as I know - we are still a free country!!
Have you asked him what he wants to do? It sounds to me like everyone has made plans for him and he has to follow, regardless.
I would guess he’s worried you’re going to spring a surprise party on him, once you’ve got him to your daughter’s house. This would be some people’s worst nightmare, maybe his. Could the pizza & chilli take place at your home, with him directing operations?
It reminds me of my 60th when my partner (an avid tennis player) took me to Wimbledon for the day!
Had my 70th in August in a rented beach hut in Amble organised by my daughter! Just 3 of us perfect!
He doesn’t want a fuss so go with it! Be grateful you are not experiencing all the crap we are here in the north of England! It is HIS birthday!!
As the song goes " It's my party , and I'll cry if I want to " For me that means spend the day however you like !
I hate parties and would not ever want one. I would not like it if anyone insisted on it on my behalf or organised a surprise party. Please respect what your husband says. Just ask him if he is really sure, and then if he doesn't want a party or in fact any fuss, go with his wishes. As I said, I would hate it if any kind of party was forced on me.
I was at a surprise 60th birthday party for my brother-in-law's aunty last year - I told my sister then I don't want a surprise party for my 60th next year, I don't mind going for a meal but don't want a "party" as such. It will be my friend's 60th next year as well so we will do a couple of weekends away - if possible.
Surely the one whose birthday it is gets to choose how to spend it?
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