Gransnet forums

AIBU

AIBU - Friend borrowing car

(215 Posts)
PinkCosmos Wed 21-Apr-21 16:25:32

At present we have a 'spare' car. We are friendly with a couple who had two cars but chose to get rid of one of them. This was OK until the H started working shifts and weekends.

Since then the wife has been asking to borrow our spare car on a regular basis - to go shopping, to go to the doctors etc.

She always asks my husband if she can borrow it as he is soft and never says no

I probably would also be too soft to say no if she asked me.

However, I am finding it a bit annoying that we are, in effect, providing her with a free car whilst we pay road tax and insurance.

Her husband is adamant that they are not getting another car.

I don't want to fall out with them as they are good friends and we have helped one another out in the past.

However, this has been going on for a couple of months now and I think she is being a bit cheeky.

How do I handle this without falling out with her.

Fleur20 Mon 26-Apr-21 22:34:40

Can't believe we are on page 8!

You don't have to sell the car.
You don't have to sorn the car.
Just say NO!

And tell your husband he is in deep trouble if he says otherwise.

This woman AND her husband are using you... as well as your car.

Silvertwigs Mon 26-Apr-21 20:00:22

Best answer, spare cars, spare houses, where does it stop in this day and environmentally damaging age, please sell the car.

MerylStreep Mon 26-Apr-21 17:33:48

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

I’ve had to car share I don’t know how many times in the past year. Otherwise my ‘elderly’ neighbour wouldn’t have seen her doctor or had her vaccines.
Life goes on.

NfkDumpling Mon 26-Apr-21 17:23:24

If she's using it regularly it may run out of fuel before too long. I hope the OP's DH isn't keeping it topped up for her!

Also no mention has been made of what the intermittent fault is. If the car breaks down en route, who pays to get it home?

Maremia Mon 26-Apr-21 16:41:41

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

CraftyGranny Sun 25-Apr-21 11:49:34

Also, I might add, if this is your son's car, do you or your DH have his permission to let other people use it?

CraftyGranny Sun 25-Apr-21 11:46:41

Surely, if your friend no longer has a car of her own, she would only be insured as a named driver on her husbands car. Therefore, she is not insured in her own right and certainly not insured to drive your car.
Whoever is the named owner of the car could be in an awful lot of trouble if it is involved in an accident.

ExD Sun 25-Apr-21 10:19:58

I really cannot stress SORN. Easily done online, quick, can be undone --- what's stopping you?
Just do it!

FarNorth Sat 24-Apr-21 23:06:26

Why not just tell the truth ? The truth seems to be that the OP doesn’t want to subsidise her friend.

Exactly.

It's a DH problem, tho. What's the use of the OP saying No, and then the friend asks again (on the off chance, you know) and DH says Yes?

PinkCosmos says she'll be talking to her DH about it, this weekend, so I hope she gets him sorted out to just say No.

Greeneyedgirl Sat 24-Apr-21 19:36:06

I’m always amazed how so many, women predominantly, on here are reluctant to be assertive in dealing with people. Assertiveness is not being aggressive, but being honest and straightforward. I think people on the whole respect this, rather than making transparent excuses.

pigsmayfly. Sat 24-Apr-21 11:25:43

Best suggestion is to SORN it or tell her your son has asked you not to use it as he has plans for it.

123kitty Sat 24-Apr-21 10:00:27

In this situation my DH would also have loaned out the car and I can imagine him saying 'any time you need it' to a neighbour, so it's his fault not hers if she takes him at his word. I think you need to sort this out with your DH.

Lovetopaint037 Sat 24-Apr-21 09:48:29

The point is that the insurance she has on their car needs not only to be fully comp but also in HER name and not her husbands. The fact that she is a named driver on her husbands insurance is NOT acceptable. What happens if the cat gets damaged in a car park etc? Let alone in an accident. If they are really friends she will accept your refusal without any bad feeling. Personally, I think she has the cheek of the devil to even ask.

suziewoozie Sat 24-Apr-21 08:13:06

Buffy

How cheeky. In an absolute emergency I can imagine asking to borrow someone else’s car but otherwise no.
As the others say, tell her it needs a service or the brakes are bad. We have a ‘spare’ car but no-one, not even a close family member, has ever asked to borrow it. You’ve given an inch and she’s taking a mile.

Why not just tell the truth ? The truth seems to be that the OP doesn’t want to subsidise her friend. That’s her choice - what shouldn’t be her choice is the OPs apparent indifference to the insurance position.

Buffy Sat 24-Apr-21 08:07:37

How cheeky. In an absolute emergency I can imagine asking to borrow someone else’s car but otherwise no.
As the others say, tell her it needs a service or the brakes are bad. We have a ‘spare’ car but no-one, not even a close family member, has ever asked to borrow it. You’ve given an inch and she’s taking a mile.

suziewoozie Sat 24-Apr-21 07:33:19

As others have said, the insurance issue is key here. Here’s an extract from AA guidance on driving other cars. Why on earth have you not checked out the insurance position? Quite frankly, lending a potentially lethal weapon to someone without checking this out is an act of momentous irresponsibility. I can’t understand why you haven’t considered this - both from your own point of view and from any innocent victims your friend may plough into.

‘What's the punishment for DOC uninsured?

A driver who is involved in an accident or caught without DOC insurance, even if the car they are driving is insured by the owner, will be dealt with severely by the law. They will be heavily fined with up to 8 licence penalty points, and could be banned from driving.

What's more, the owner would also face prosecution for allowing an uninsured person to drive their car. The owner's insurer will have to meet any third party damage and injury costs but would almost certainly cancel the policy. They may then take legal action to recover their costs from the owner, who would also be liable for the cost of repairing their own car.

Insurance companies take convictions for driving without insurance very seriously. Both the owner and the driver will find it very difficult to obtain affordable car insurance in the future. This could be a very good way of losing a friend!’

Alexa Sat 24-Apr-21 07:12:58

leave some dogs' droppings or similar on the driver's seat.

DeeDe Sat 24-Apr-21 03:15:34

What a cheeky friend, if their friendship depends on the
Use of your car, I’m afraid I would prefer my car
You are being taken advantage of..
say no! End of ...

Saetana Sat 24-Apr-21 01:31:13

You need to check the insurance situation as a matter of urgency - whether you continue to lend her the car or not. NO being on an insurance policy for one vehicle does NOT mean you are insured to drive any other random vehicle! I have to admit I fail to understand people who just cannot say NO - whether friends or not. Time to stop letting your husband push you around and stand up to your friend - there are a number of ways you can do this without falling out. Does your husband know her insurance situation?

muffinthemoo Fri 23-Apr-21 23:10:50

Huge recommend for When I Say No I Feel Guilty. It’s not an easy read or re read if you are doing the exercises, but I certainly got a huge amount of insight into my own behaviour from it.

oryx1 Fri 23-Apr-21 23:03:10

PinkCosmos..
I used to have the same problem in not being able to say 'No' to people and still do now sometimes.

I found a good book "When I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith, Ph.D. This book is decades old but you might find some useful advice in it. I did. One quote from the book is 'You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behaviour.' (with saying No.)

Whatdayisit Fri 23-Apr-21 20:20:21

What i don't understand is PinkCosmos calls this a 'spare car' so is there 3 cars between husband and wife?
Does the husband mind that the friend doesn't even put petrol in it ?

MissAdventure Fri 23-Apr-21 19:55:58

Tell her you're thinking of selling it, then that's not even a fib.
You have thought about it, and you can continue to give it some thought; as often as you want, for as long as you want.

Elvis58 Fri 23-Apr-21 19:49:11

Sell it! if surplus to tequirements, give her first refusal.l think she has a cheek!
Even we buy any car will give you something, problem solved.

MissAdventure Fri 23-Apr-21 19:38:30

Blame your husband.
Say "He's nice to your face, then moans about it behind your back". grin

Seriously though, the sooner you do it, the better, and I'm sure you have genuine reasons you could give.