Do I expect too much from a relationship?

My husband became an alcoholic after nearly 20 years and continued until he died - they will find excuses why they do it but I think it is because they like it and it becomes habit forming. When drinking continues it needs a good flow of funds to finance it and they usually find it from somewhere never mind the problems that causes.
You have had some very wise advice * goodnanny* read it again and think about acting on it.

I should have mentioned that he’s getting help for his drinking. He drinks because of a past trauma.

Thanks to all of you. I’m so confused. I love this man and would be heartbroken if we separated. I guess We need to have a conversation and then I need to make a decision.

I agree with greenlady's assessment as well. Time to rethink this relationship and see if you care enough to look after him in the coming years. Tough decision though Goodynanny

Another vote for green lady

The deal breaker for me here is that he is an alcoholic or on the fast lane to become one.
He would need to address the addiction or live on his own.

I don't think you expect too much from a relationship, but I do think you might be wise to reconsider the one you have right now.

Being a cynical old wife, an alarm bell rang in my head when I read that he has moved in with you and now only works part time.

Well and good if he is paying his share of your expenses, not good at all if you are supporting him.

Next alarm bell went off when you say he drinks too much - he shouldn't be drinking at all with diabetes!

Are you glad you are not alone? To me it sounds as if you are not.

In your place I would seriously consider telling him NOW that living together is a mistake and that you would like him to move out.

I doubt it will be easy getting him to agree to that, but unless you are certain that no sex, too much drink etc. is something you are willing and able to put up with, the sooner you break it off the better.

I think cornishpatsy has it right. There are many who would be happy with the relationship that you have with this new man; but it is all about expectations. What he wants may not be what you want. The drinking would worry me more than the lack of sex.

You say that you would miss him dreadfully if he moved out so I am assuming that you still have good times together.

There are many older people in sexless but happy relationships but only you can decide if what you have is enough for you.

I`m with greenlady102.

I don't think you fell in love with him....I think you fell in love with the part he was playing.....and I think you might think this too.....
be really careful is all I will say.

He’s onto a good thing isn’t he? Another chap who needs a housekeeper! His health will likely deteriorate if his drinking continues & you will be his carer. Good luck with that!

None of us are getting any younger. He sounds like a good person with health problems.
Some people I know, who don't want to be lonely in retirement have started an initiative to share a large house and form a community. they are brave
www.facebook.com/choisscoho/

Only you know whether this man and you are happier together or apart.
Nobody knows what the future holds.

I tend to agree with you Riverwalk but I think that, she knew him for a year before he moved in, during which time it would seem to be a very good relationship Now though it would seem not so I think I would rethink it and perhaps just keep him as a friend and companion.

I knew it was coming .....

and moved in with me

I never understand why women allow this! I bet he was attentive and affectionate before he moved in. And he gets to only work part-time too - win win for him.

Personally I would ask him to leave, but I expect you won't do that.

You're only 63 - this man's health is going to deteriorate and then you'll be his carer.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband and wonder whether after 44 happy years together you were looking to fill the void with this relationship. Although you would miss this man's company you would also miss the negativity it brings. By this I mean the insecurity that he may not find you attractive and why he is sleeping in another room. The worries about his drinking and his health. Maybe finances as you said he now works parttime. Is it your own house ? Has he played you for a free home ?
Sorry but there seems to be an imbalance in the relationship. Sometimes it is better to have lonely times on your own rather than within an unhappy relationship.