Feeling surplus to requirements AIBU

Oh dear, it’s sad but it’s life! I think you just have to accept that life changes and suck it up!

I can definitely see why you are upset.
This was your ‘job’ for 18 years!! And now in the finale stretch it’s been dropped with no warning.
I am sorry they weren’t more considerate.
Even if they did choose the friend I think it would’ve been a kindness to at least let you know in advance.

Why not make her a special birthday cake but a smaller one and share it at your house? I can understand why you are upset, but it isn't worth losing a relationship with your dd and dgd over.

Bibbity

I can definitely see why you are upset.
This was your ‘job’ for 18 years!! And now in the finale stretch it’s been dropped with no warning.
I am sorry they weren’t more considerate.
Even if they did choose the friend I think it would’ve been a kindness to at least let you know in advance.

They did let OP know in advance. They gave her 3 weeks notice. How much notice are they required to give?

Sorry OP but things change and it's normal. Terribly sorry your feelings were hurt

This is going to be the first in a long line of withdrawing on your granddaughter’s part and you will do well to deal with it in a graceful manner.

You’ve been very fortunate to have played such a huge part in her life but loosening those ties was always going to happen and you need to be careful that you don’t lose her completely by making a huge fuss over this.

I can really understand your feelings but please say nothing. Just let it go and continue to enjoy your relationship with your DD and GD. Maybe a friend offered and your GD didnt like to say no.

It’s what happens when our DGC become older ( also Grandma’s house becomes less of an attraction)? and is entirely normal.
I do understand how you feel Armoria we can’t help our feelings, can we? Let it go, it may be the last of your special cakes for your DGD or she may ask you to make her one in the future ( make one only if you want to).There will be other occasions to come for special cakes in the future anyway.
Am sure she has loved your cakes for all those years.
We are not just valued for our cake making skills ( we hope) enjoy taking a back seat and doing less?

Can you talk to GD, tell her how much you’d like to make a cake, not the actual 18th cake. Tell her it can be any design she would like.
I’m sure it would get eaten. Don’t forget to warmly congratulate GD’s fiend on their skill!

AKA Sussexborn:

Something we all have to deal with at some point I guess. We are an important part of their lives and then gradually they become more independent in much the same way our children have, hopefully, done.

Try to let it go and move on. If your daughter is likely to get huffy it's not worth rocking the boat over. I don't think people who never bake realise how time consuming these cakes can be but hopefully you enjoyed the challenge!

It sounds as if you are close to your GD and you always will be I'm sure. I agree with the poster who suggested making her a smaller cake at your own house. That is a lovely idea.

Lovely Freudian typo Elrel I like the idea that the rival cakemaker is a fiend! !

Just as we lose importance in our children's lives as they grow up, so the same is true for grandchildren, a sad fact of life. We have to find something to fill the gaps.

Life changes and it's a strange time for everyone anyway. Maybe it would be good for your GD's friend to make the cake and something they can enjoy planning, maybe GD would like a change.

We aren't in control of GC's lives when they are older in the same way as when we looked after them when they were small. It's all about letting go, let them do their own thing without getting upset about it.

Just adapt, let go. No one's stopping you from making another one and sharing it another time/place.

I know how you feel as I've been brushed aside myself by a GS I was extremely close to...but it's best to ignore it, accept it and don't get too upset. Not worth having words about. Glad you vented on here.

How about contributing something else to the party? A pavlova for example.

I understand why you might feel put out, but surely what is most important is that she gets the cake she loves?

I’m sorry you are hurt

Yes, please don't make a second cake -it will certainly not go well!!!
?

As others have said things change, even before Covid! We used to be involved in DGC birthday parties only to be replaced by friends, which is understandable. Go with the flow as they say!

My thoughts exactly Grandmabatty.
I bet Gd would love it too.

Your Grand Daughters friend is making the cake, I think it’s sweet that someone she is friends with is doing it, please don’t overthink it.
Unless she is having a second party at your house, don’t make a second cake, that just comes across as trying to prove that you can do better.
She knows you do lovely cakes, but she wants a change.
As for the rest of your post , she has grown up, and is now a woman, I’m sure she loves you just the same but she has grown up and isn’t a little girl anymore, make sure you are always her loving Grandma that she loves to visit, not surly and jealous.
God, I was married when I was 18 (well 18 and three quarters) and certainly wouldn’t have wanted family squabbles about a cake.
But who did I want to make all my children’s cakes and pastries? My Mum (didn’t have a Granny) she will come back to you, don’t worry.

We have to accept change as we get older; bite the bullet and smile.

Think about it like this - she has a friend who wants to do this for her and that means that she has good friends to be by her side in this new phase of her life.

Take a deep breath and keep smiling!

Maybe when they see the friend's cake they will wish you'd done yours! I remember my son's first birthday. I'd been having cookery lessons and proudly made his birthday cake. Then mum arrived with one of her cakes. She had assumed I wouldn't be making one. She should have asked but really it didn't matter. From then on I left cake making to her.

Armoria I can feel your hurt through your sentences and I want to give you a big Hug. ?
I don’t have grandchildren but I would feel the same as you.

Are we over-sensitive? Possibly. But isn’t that what makes us kind and caring humans? and you seem like an excellent grandma.
As others advise, try to get over it - be there to celebrate your GD’s 18th Birthday and have a good time with your family. ?

Hello.
I also don't think a second cake is a good plan - getting into a competition with your GD 's friend doesn't look good. However why not ring GD, ask what type of cake friend is making and if it is ok if you make some little cakes that are different from birthday cake( choc brownies, muffins, merengues, rice crispie cakes etc etc). Generally , I find, people like cake at parties and there is rarely any left over. Try not to be hurt - it does sound thoughtless but not ,I think, designed to be hurtful.

Grandmabatty

Why not make her a special birthday cake but a smaller one and share it at your house? I can understand why you are upset, but it isn't worth losing a relationship with your dd and dgd over.

Definitely don't make any sort of cake! It will look like you're in competition and determined to have your own way.

As others say, you feel disappointed but these are things that happen as a young person breaks away into adulthood. Keep up your good relationship with her, that's the main thing.