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Have you had an operation and how did your husband cope with helping you at home

(84 Posts)
Sadgrandma Thu 27-Jan-22 16:01:28

I had a hip operation last Wednesday and DH is looking after me at home. He's always been very good at cooking and housework so no problem there, he's also tackled a little bit of ironing, under supervision, but helping me into those awful stockings has been a struggle and I'm amazed at simple little things that he doesn't know how to do. I asked him to find me a clean pillow case from the airing cupboard and you'd have thought I was sending him on an exploration! 'What colour'? Doesn't matter but not the ones from the matching duvet sets, 'I don't know which ones they are'! But you've slept on them for years! And so it went on for 5 minutes until he brought one, too big but I bit my lip! How did your DH's cope

silverlining48 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:13:07

Hope your op went ok sadgrandma. This afternoon I signed the consent firm fir the same operation, though goodness knows how long i will have to wait. Hope not too long. It hurts, but you probably hurt too, only being a few days post op.

If your dh is ok on housework and cooking ( as mine is too) I think the expressions is don’t sweat the small stuff.
Do hope you recovery goes well, and it’s not too painful.
Best wishes flowers

Sago Thu 27-Jan-22 16:17:11

I had cancer when our children were 6,13 and 17.
I was in hospital for some days and then needed care at home.
My husband went to pieces.
He just cannot cope when I’m ill, his immediate reaction was to get my mother, she was a narcissistic witch and the last person I wanted near me.
My mother came and made everything worse.

My fear of being ill is more about how he will deal with everything rather than the illness itself.

In every other way he is a great husband.

janeainsworth Thu 27-Jan-22 16:18:25

Your DH sounds brilliant sadgrandma.
My DH had a hip operation a few years ago and those stockings were a b*gger to get on & off.
I hope your recovery is uneventful but please count your blessings!

silverlining48 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:23:54

My dh had surgery a while ago and I hated those stockings....Impossible things

tanith Thu 27-Jan-22 16:24:24

My husband was great when I had my hip ops including the dreaded stockings. He took care of basics food cleaning etc not to my standard but it was perfectly adequate while I was unable to do it. My only complaint was his lack of laundry hanging skills 😱 out on the line I was itching to rehang it but managed to contain myself.

tanith Thu 27-Jan-22 16:25:39

Didn’t anyone else get shown the simple trick with putting on/off those dreaded stockings?

silverlining48 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:26:58

Was that to do with a plastic bag?

silverlining48 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:29:04

I think it was mentioned at the point he could do it himself....a bit too late for me.

tanith Thu 27-Jan-22 16:30:38

Yes that’s the one

Blossoming Thu 27-Jan-22 16:33:14

Mr. B has had to look after me on many occasions, starting with my return home post brain injury. A steep learning curve for both of us, but we were quite young then. I’ve had to look after him sometimes too, which can be difficult thanks to my impairments, but I manage smile

I honestly wouldn’t care which pillowcase he used though.

BBbevan Thu 27-Jan-22 16:36:29

I had a hysterectomy when I was 37. Six weeks convalescence in those days.Children were in their early teens and DH was great. Did most everything with help from the children.

BigBertha1 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:37:30

* sadgrandma* I hope your recovery n is going well. DH looked after me well after my ops but it was the little things as you say so I had be very careful not too upset him as he did get very tired and worried especially about meals as he is not a cook. I wouldn't not have managed without him so small breakages and spillages passed without comment.

MerylStreep Thu 27-Jan-22 16:45:43

Touch wood I’ve never had an operation while ive been with OH ( 42 yrs)
If I’m ever unwell he is a marvellous nurse. He’s done the food shopping and cooking for 20 yrs+ so that’s situation normal.
Asks me constantly if I need anything, how am I feeling.
When it comes to housework 🤔 that would just be a Hoover and the kitchen.

Kali2 Thu 27-Jan-22 16:49:09

Have had 2 knee replacements, one very complicated due to very old injury and damage- and he was brilliant with care and cooking. But thank goodness my neighbour and cleaning help did 1 hour twice a week rather than just the once.

welbeck Thu 27-Jan-22 16:55:26

think i would say the same to you about the pillowcases.
and has he never made the bed, changed linen before, done the laundry; if so, was that because you cornered all those tasks.
what does it matter which pillowcase he brings, set or not.
maybe he took so long because he anticipates criticism or a kind of suppressed sigh at having failed at the task.
don't know nuffink about you OP obviously, but i have come across many women esp my age and older, who insist on doing everything domestic themselves, and have an attitude that men are useless, because they cannot grasp the intricacies or importance of the precise rules their partner have imposed on the household.

Barmeyoldbat Thu 27-Jan-22 16:57:09

Had knee replacement and Mr B was excellent, mind you he didn’t marry until he was 40 so was use to looking after himself and I haven’t changed it. He does his own ironing,, can change the bed mind you he doesn’t put matching pillow cases on but so what. He even went to the Dr surgery at 8 in the morning to get the dr to do a home visit because I had been so ill during the night.

annsixty Thu 27-Jan-22 16:57:23

Oh how lucky you have all been.
My H and I had a long and happy marriage but physical caring was something he couldn’t do.
I had a baby at home, several ops including two for cancer but he did nothing.
It didn’t phase me really as I looked after him for five years through dementia and a major stroke until at 81 it all became too much for me and he went into care.
I felt it was my role.

annsixty Thu 27-Jan-22 16:59:22

Having now seen welbecks reply I was one of those women.

Ladyleftfieldlover Thu 27-Jan-22 17:02:04

Over the years I’ve had a number of operations and injuries ranging from knee replacements, badly broken arm, D&Cs, breast cancer, broken back… OH has been excellent. He can cook and do the shopping. However, when the children were small and I had broken a bone in my back and could barely move, he got a cleaner in! Those damn stockings though! An absolute nightmare. At least with my second knee replacement they had reduced the time from 6 weeks to two.

Hellogirl1 Thu 27-Jan-22 17:04:40

I had a knee replacement in 2013. When I went for the pre-op consultation, the nurse told hubby that when I came home from the op I didn`t have to do anything for 4 weeks. She said to him, "Will you be able to manage the housework?", he said "No, she does all that", the nurse looked flabbergasted. I wasn`t surprised, he was one of those men who just didn`t do housework.

Deedaa Thu 27-Jan-22 17:06:26

When I had my two knee replacements DH greeted me with nice meals when I came home and was very good for a few days. The novelty soon wore off though

Serendipity22 Thu 27-Jan-22 17:07:39

Ohhh heck.... i am fiercely independent, i haven't had an operation but i do have MS and there are certain things that i cant do anymore and i loathe with a passion my husband having to do it opposed to myself because basically, he doesnt do things as i would or it takes him days and DAYS what i would have done in the blink of an eye.


TillyTrotter Thu 27-Jan-22 17:12:26

I’ve not had serious operations but whenever I have been off my feet DH is very capable and caring.
Maybe things aren’t done the way I would do them, but I was just grateful he did them with a willing heart.
When he had a knee replacement I cared for him.
It’s what we promised to do when we got married - “in sickness and in health”.

EllanVannin Thu 27-Jan-22 17:13:03

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.