Dressing gown all day?!

Baring in mind what she has gone through and still is I think it would be petty to dictate what she wears.

How about getting your own office - closed room in your home?

What app do you use for tele calls?
Pretty much all of them offer backgrounds you can use instead of showing your home

Does she understand that she can be seen ? Not ideal.
Does she need to enter that room?
Could you reposition your Laptop so she cannot walk behind you?
Ideally it needs you to solve the problem in these circumstances.

Could you take a screen shot and show her how it looks? Explain it isn't good for your clients / students and could actually get you into trouble / lose business.

If she can't get it, you might have to tell her its a choice between getting dressed OR staying upstairs for as long as you've got your camera on.

In an entirely unrelated/related issue. I teach online and one of my students has a father who at times wanders into view wearing nothing but his underpants.

I can see my student is embarrassed, so I pretend I am busy in our shared document, and that I haven't seen it.

His dad is easy on the eye though. I don't mind at all!

I have a 2 bed house so it's a small space and I'm downstairs working in the open plan area of the house (kitchen and living space). I agree she's just been through turmoil and she needs her R&R, so I'll keep going with it for now and if it becomes a real problem, I'll have a quiet word.

???love it gagajo

Maybe they don't bother about that in Ukraine? Lots of people don't here and I know a lot of people who WFH did that during lockdowns. I would try and position myself so it doesn't pick her up. Doesn't sound ideal if someone who is not employed at your work is present during work video calls though.

I am sorry but I do disagree with some of the comments on here. Does not matter what she has been through at home, she is actually a guest in your house, and does need to abide by some rules.

You do need to sit down with her and politely, but firmly explain that dressing gowns are to be worn in the evening, or early in the morning - but during the day normal dress is required.

When I fostered children -and many of those had been through horrendous traumatic situations, they had to obey the rules of my home. This is no different just because it is an adult - in fact they should be willing to show their appreciation of your generosity in opening up your home to them.

I agree with you Franbern.
For over twenty years I have housed vulnerable young adults in my own home, through an homeless charity, until they are housed.
Part of the agreement they sign is that they will be appropriately dressed during the day, unless in their room or bathroom.
It is better for mental health to get dressed, unless you are ill, even if only a tee shirt and jogging bottoms and we are asked to encourage our supported lodgers to go out of the house most days, even just a short walk, bus ride or trip to the supermarket, to acquaint themselves with the area.
How I would word it Peacelily is to just plainly say that you’re sure she won’t mind you mentioning it but you would like her to be dressed if she comes down stairs during the day, apart from early morning or evening. You don’t need to apologise or give her a reason, just a plain statement.

I agree with DollyD, I think a plain statement is best.

I was astounded yesterday. I was in Newcastle city centre, and two girls were at the bus stop at 12 noon in their pyjamas, one of them had a big fluffy dressing gown on as well.

Well said Franbern, peacelily, this lady is a guest in your house. Walking around in a short dressing gown when you are trying to work and receive video calls is unacceptable. First a gentle chat to explain the situation and see if that has the desired effect - if not a firm approach will be needed. I understand this lady has endured great distress and hardship but the fact remains she must respect your rules. I can imagine being tough is not easy but she is taking liberties ! Don't put up with it and tell her she should dress each morning !

Shandy57

I agree with DollyD, I think a plain statement is best.

I was astounded yesterday. I was in Newcastle city centre, and two girls were at the bus stop at 12 noon in their pyjamas, one of them had a big fluffy dressing gown on as well.

My goodness they must have been roasting in the recent heatwave!!
Yes your home your rules, I would definitely tell her again and say it is not an option to do her own thing.

Franbern ... I agree with you 100%
Peacelily ... are you liasoning with anyone while she is living with you ? If you are mention it to them, as this is not acceptable, out of courtesy to you she she get dressed, you have opened your home to her , I admire you for doing that, but she must abide by certain things, your home & getting dressed is certainly what she she do while living with you

Totally in agreement with Franbern

Another who is in agreement to what Franbern says .

She should get dressed.

No idea why anyone wants to wear a dressing gown all day.

One of the reasons I haven't offered to host a refugee is that for the last 15 years I have hosted young people from all over the world - I have a Czech girl staying now who got up for breakfast an hour or more after I had washed up mine and I realise how intolerant I have become since living on my own so in your situation I would probably tell the dressing gown wearer that I cannot work with this apparition walking through my office.
What does she do all day?

I would not put up with it I know you are working but just imagine if you had visitors. I would have to say it’s not what we do here and suggest she dresses before she comes down stairs.
It’s a very common thing to see here women walking around in public in pjs and rollers in. It’s gross and lazy and unacceptable but it’s an everyday occurrence.

Hmmm…

I finally got round to having a shower and getting dressed at 2pm today. It’s my first proper day off in two weeks from working two jobs. Does that make me gross, lazy and unacceptable?

The OP has a point, and I agree that it’s perfectly reasonable to insist her visitor either stays in her room or dresses appropriately around the house. But some of the judgemental attitudes on here are rather mean-spirited. What harm does it do anyone if people choose to dress in ways we wouldn’t?

I agree that it’s not appropriate for her to appear on your screen like that but here’s a thought - if she’s just fled Ukraine, does she possess enough day time clothing to wear, allowing for laundering and drying?

That is interesting Peacelily as we have a UA family living with us too. Mum and Dad get dressed before they appear but the 2 young children spend much of the day in their PJs. One day they weren't dressed until 5 pm! The children are only dressed when they are going out. We find this very odd!

you have to have rules! one rule should be to be dressed for the day before entering the 'living room'! and that's that.