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grand daughter

(52 Posts)
nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:31:40

Has any grandma had an experience of her grandchild being very unwelcoming. Each time I turn up to see her, she's very flicked with me (she is 4) and I have problems playing with her or even reading her a story. She tells me I'm old (not quite yet). I'm a bit puzzled and sometimes hurt. Don't really know what to do. Any advices? Thank you

HowVeryDareYou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:37:09

I don't know what "flicked" with me means, but she's only 4. You are old to her. 15 or 20 is old to a 4 year old grin. Have you tried watching her favourite tv programme or playing with dolls with her?

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:41:34

Sorry misprint fickled. Of course, I have, all is well then but the next time I turn up it starts again.... confused

crazyH Thu 30-Jun-22 21:44:44

nanou - take heart - my little 3 year old Grandson who never liked seeing me because he associated my visits (babysitting) with his mum going out. Always cries and doesn’t settle until I bribe him with my iPad . Anyway, his mum brought him here this morning because she was passing. He wanted to use the loo, wanted ‘Nanny’ to accompany him. And when they left, to my astonishment and utter joy, he said “bye Nanny, I love you” - so don’t let it get to you. We don’t know how their little minds work…but I understand how you feel.

BlueBelle Thu 30-Jun-22 21:46:39

What’s fickled mean ?
What sort of relationship have you had in the past !
Do you see much of her?
Find out what’s she s into unicorns, barbies, baby dolls reading and take her a little one with you and play with her
Depends what you do when you are with her really do you get down and play or just sit and talk
My grandkids loved it when I kicked a ball with them or got on their scooters and rode down the garden path

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:48:14

Thank you crazyH. It is heartwarming to read this. Hopefully, things will improve!

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:51:40

BlueBelle I am playing with her, feed her, watch her favourite programmed I see her quite often. That why I am puzzled by her reaction at times. To be fickle is emotions changing frequently for no reasons.

Madgran77 Thu 30-Jun-22 21:52:17

I would wander in , say hello to her then just chat to others or sit down and start playing with something that you have brought ...a small building toy or a jigsaw puzzle or similar. Don't comment, don't show her just get on with it. Guarantee that curiosity will get the better of her. Maybe a matching game playing it with yourself, get a couple right then when she is watching start matching the wrong ones!! You get the picture.

If she says you ae old say" I am certainly older than you! You are only 2 arent you!!" She will want to tell you she is 4. Say "Oh silly me. Can you guess how old I am?" and so on.

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 21:57:57

Madgran77 this is helpful, thank you. I can see I need to have a few tricks up my sleeve. What is strange is that I am seeing her quite often and sometimes go and collect her from the nursery. Some times it's all ok, some other times it all goes in the wrong direction.

Grammaretto Thu 30-Jun-22 22:00:28

I think the OP means she is fickle and can be nice and then turns!
I can see how a child would dread someone coming and just putting them to bed while mummy is out but children can be odd and get phobias about something and you can't guess what it is. Try to talk to her to find out. Could it be a smell? I used to loathe perfume. I think I associated it with my mum leaving me with a stranger.
Perhaps you could take her out to the play park or somewhere where she feels at ease. Get to know each other.
The last time I was with the 4 yr old I showed her how to make a fortune telling salt cellar from a paper square and she painted it and made up fortunes . She enjoyed trying it on her big sister when she came home from school and big sister wanted to make one too.
She also loves those sticker books - never tires of them and playing games

Shelflife Thu 30-Jun-22 22:11:40

Don't take it to heart , children are often difficult to understand. My advice is to keep a low profile when in her company , don't expect her to interact with you . Watch as she plays and interact occasionally by smiling at her or praising her behaviour. If she completes a puzzle or builds a tower tell her how clever she is and suggest she shows you how she did it.
Relax - all will be well.

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 22:29:05

Thank you all for your kind advices. I shall keep a low profile when she is in no mood, and be fun with she is willing to play.
Not that straightforward sometimes to be a loving Gran.

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 22:31:31

Gramaretto we know each other, I have been looking after her since she was 9 months old once a week but it is more sporadic now that she is at nursery. That what is so puzzling, I am no stranger.

Hithere Thu 30-Jun-22 22:35:09


Your gc is 4 - she is not going to perform on demand to make you happy.

I would advise to educate yourself on child behaviour- what she is doing is normal

nanou Thu 30-Jun-22 22:39:35

Hithere / not with everybody else that's the puzzle. Never mind Hithere and thanks for your thoughtful advice.

Mancjules Thu 30-Jun-22 22:50:04

I look after my 2 year old twin GC. One of each. Sometimes one is awkward then the other...but we always end up snuggled on the sofa cos granny knows all the songs in the Jungle Book. Just keep turning up....they are growing and learning. Good luck .

Deb347 Thu 30-Jun-22 23:21:30

New to this site but I really need help. I moved in with my son and his girlfriend and her 2 year old daughter. Granddaughter had a liver transplant so I drove girlfriends car to Cincinnati from Oklahoma so they could leave the hospital. My son had to leave a week earlier to go back to work. We stayed in a motel with girlfriend mother for 2 month before our baby was released from the doctor. My son wanted me to come stay at their house to watch the dog because they had to return to Cincinnati two month later so I did. My son ask if I would stay to help. I did and it's going on 4 years. My granddaughter started school last August. I took her to school and picked her up everyday. I watched her from 7 am till 7 pm all of spring break. Due to me playing with her she doesn't want to mind. She started climbing cabinets, climbing on the toilet getting my makeup ( I've bought her alot and a bag to put it in) and coming in my room digging in my thing's saying that it belongs to her its her house. School was about to close for the summer and I told them I wasn't able to watcher her 5 days a week from 7 am till 7 pm. His girlfriend gets off at 5 pm, she sits in her room and won't watch her daughter. I buy mine and my granddaughter food and snacks. They got mad when I said I couldn't watch her everyday that she needed to go to a summer program. I watched the dogs for a week while they went to Disney World. I've payed for outing to keep my granddaughter busy. They gave me $20 one time. They have been paying my car insurance because it makes theirs cheaper, my phone and a pike pass. She also gave me her $40 child support card. Now I have to move, girlfriend won't let my granddaughter have anything to do with me, she can't come in my room she doesn't want me talking to her. They took the car seat out of my car. I'm 63 years old with a heart condition and this has me so stressed out. I've looked everywhere for somewhere to live. I don't have the money to move. I don't have anything but a bed and a chair. I gave them my fridge, TV a window air-conditioned and dishes. Please help its really making me sick.

nanou Fri 01-Jul-22 00:13:56

Hi Debs, You should create your own thread with a title. So Grans can give you advice.

Redhead56 Fri 01-Jul-22 01:03:31

Debs good advice from nanou you will get better advice with your own post.
nanou do not take it to heart one of our twins tells me she does not like me then she is are all over me. My DH takes it to heart I think the less attention you give the more attention you will receive.

welbeck Fri 01-Jul-22 03:10:12

fickle is a strange word to use of a child.
i find it rather disconcerting.

imaround Fri 01-Jul-22 05:03:10

A 4 year old is fickle by nature. At 4 one of mine decided that her dad was her favorite person, not me. It was difficult because, until then, I was her favorite. I did not take it to heart and encouraged it. Heck, for me it was a break of sorts.

I sometimes feel that we as adults expect more mature behavior than our toddlers are capable of.

Madgran77 Fri 01-Jul-22 08:28:19

Your gc is 4 - she is not going to perform on demand to make you happy

That is an unjustified comment. Dear me! nanou is just asking for advice on ways to deal with her GDs behaviour that is appropriate! Nothing in her comments suggests that she expects her GD to be a "performing seal!" Nanous replies show that she is thinking and listening and trying to work out the best way forward for her in developing the relationship, well done to her!

nanou Fri 01-Jul-22 08:42:56

Thank you Madgran77, exactly my thinking. I thought too that that comment miss the point entirely!
I reached for Gransnet to see if others Grans had similar experience and think it over.

luluaugust Fri 01-Jul-22 09:27:00

Slightly different angle, small children can be worried you are old, they have vague ideas that old people go away and don't come back. It maybe she has heard something at nursery or just adult chat at home. My GC used to have fun working out ages and the higher the number the more fun. Lots of play and chat seem the way to go.

Gingster Fri 01-Jul-22 09:46:15

I have 8 GC - all except the last one (6 yrs) have run to me and huggled me and never want to leave me. Youngest gd has never
Particularly been interested in seeing me, hard to get a hello let alone a cuddle. Dd says she’s like it with most people. When she visits, I let her come round in her own time and she soon comes out of herself and is chatting and playing. Baking is a great way of sharing time and togetherness.
Don’t let it upset you. All children are different!