Gransnet forums



(23 Posts)
jakuss Thu 18-Aug-22 15:30:48

Hi, i am 74 today, and my son lives a mile away, for the past 14 years since he wed i have not received a card or present for birthday or christmas, he never visits or rings, I feel so upset because he was a lovely child who I loved and he had a wonderful upbringing, I looked after his children until they were 14 when they no longer needed me and they dont speak either havnt seen them for 9 years, I feel i was a good mum and granny so i just wish they would tell me why, its the not knowing that hurts so much, what did I do

M0nica Thu 18-Aug-22 15:51:10

I am so sorry for you. It must be so difficult to be so neglected.

However I do wish you a very happy birthday and I do hope you will find a way to celebrate your birthday in a small way on your own. My DH used to be away a lot on my birthday when working and I would always have meal out on my own, or go out somewhere or have a special treat at home.

Try to do that, it wiwll not compensate, but ti will take your mind off it slightly.

Spinnaker Thu 18-Aug-22 15:59:07

Sorry to hear this. I have no words to offer unfortunately but wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Please try to enjoy the rest of your day if at all possible flowers

Poppyred Thu 18-Aug-22 16:04:32

I feel so sorry for you jakuss. Have you any idea at all why this happened? If not, I would write a letter to your son, telling him how you feel and asking why. ๐Ÿ’ Happy Birthday.

Franbern Thu 18-Aug-22 16:08:48

Jakuss My best wishes for a wonderful birthday. Buy yourself something lovely, - even frivolous, and make or purchase in a special meal.

We have our children and bring them up, love them and then send them out into the world. That really is all we can do.

Do you really not know what has caused this split? You mention from the time of his wedding, did something happen then? Be honest with yourself, but if you really and truly have no idea then ask him, letting him know how unhappy it is making you. Tell him - that even if you do not know what you did wrong (in his eyes), you apologise. Would he be willing to accept that apology. Whatever comes out of that you can't be any worse off than you are at present.

Grammaretto Thu 18-Aug-22 16:10:26

Happy birthday jakuss . I hope you find a way to enjoy it without missing your son.

There is a forum for estrangement if it would help you to understand why some relationships break down.
But not today. Today do something just for you.flowerswine

Blossoming Thu 18-Aug-22 16:18:28

Happy Birthday Jakuss; I am sorry you feel so neglected.

Toetoe Thu 18-Aug-22 16:19:24

Happy birthday

So sorry to hear this , yes families can be very difficult and I know to my own personal experience . Somehow try to learn to live each day just for you

Thisismyname1953 Thu 18-Aug-22 16:20:31

Jakuss wishing you a happy birthday. Iโ€™m so sorry that you are going through such a sad time with your son . Itโ€™s so hard to accept being treated like that . I hope that you can sort out a little treat for yourself to take your mind of them . ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿง๐Ÿท

crazyH Thu 18-Aug-22 16:24:02

Happy Birthday jakuss flowers
Regardless of your son , I hope you have a lovely day. Have you planned anything with your friends? Do something for yourself. Treat yourself to something you like/want.
And once today is over, write a letter to your son and try to sort things out. Perhaps something happened at the wedding? Is he your only child? Good luck - itโ€™s hard - somehow I have managed to dodge that bullet ๐Ÿ˜‚

silverlining48 Thu 18-Aug-22 16:31:23

Jakuss I am sorry about your situation with son and family. Hope you have friends to support you or have a look at the estrangement thread on here.
In the meantime happy 74 th birthday to you. I was 74 a few weeks ago too, hope you are having a nice day.

HowVeryDareYou Thu 18-Aug-22 16:40:21

Happy birthday flowers. Perhaps you could write to your son and his family, and see how they are. Something must have happened to have caused this situation. I hope you will treat yourself to something nice for your birthday

Witzend Thu 18-Aug-22 16:45:31

No wonder youโ€™re upset, jakuss - I would certainly be, too. Have you asked if anythingโ€™s wrong? - though easier said than done, Iโ€™m sure.
Happy Birthday from me, anyway! - ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿพ๐Ÿฅ‚

Yammy Thu 18-Aug-22 16:55:05

Happy Birthday and try and forget them, just enjoy your day,flowers

BlueBelle Thu 18-Aug-22 17:04:14

Happy Birthday Jakuss I hope you ve managed to have a lovely birthday (sometimes friends can be better than relatives) hoping you had some friends to do something with if not can I really urge you to make some friends they can be a real bonus to your life and well worth the effort
What a shame your son has distanced himself I have a couple of friends who this has happened to with no idea why and thatโ€™s the worst part isnโ€™t it

Take care of yourself x๐Ÿฅ‚๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’

Redhead56 Thu 18-Aug-22 17:07:54

A Happy Birthday from me too you deserve to spoil yourself in some way. I am sure there are other grans here with a similar family situation as you. If you want company you have friends here for a chat anytime ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿท

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 18-Aug-22 17:09:47

Happy Birthday I hope you managed to enjoy your day ๐Ÿ’

Greenfinch Thu 18-Aug-22 17:15:05

Congratulations! You are catching me up !

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 18-Aug-22 17:22:45

Happy birthday jakuss. I do hope you have managed to do something special for yourself.

Are you able to ask your son why this situation has come about? Do you send them cards or gifts for birthdays or Christmas?

I don't suppose by any chance your son's wife is a Jehovah's Witness? I know they don't celebrate birthdays but don't know what they do about Christmas.

Caleo Thu 18-Aug-22 17:29:36

Best wishes for your 75th year, jakuss.

You don't know what is going on in his life. He may be ashamed of something that is nothing to do with you, and is afraid to let you know what is the matter.

Whatever is wrong with him that makes him unfriendly and undutiful you have a right to ask him outright why he has not been in touch with you.

In all these 14 years did you never ask him? I wonder why not.

jakuss Thu 18-Aug-22 17:29:50

thank you all so very much, you cheered me up, x

Grannyben Thu 18-Aug-22 19:50:06

Happy birthday Jakuss, I hope you have had some nice moments in your day.
Its my daughters birthday in 2 weeks time. I got her card 3 weeks ago and it is all written out with her money inside.
It was my birthday yesterday. I did get a card and a bunch of flowers. She grabbed them from the local corner shop yesterday morning when she was on her way. I still loved them and I know I am luckier than many.
Sometimes our children just move on. They have busy lives filled with their own families. They just don't realise that one day they will probably be in our position.
Take care ๐Ÿ’

DiamondLily Fri 19-Aug-22 04:45:33

Happy birthday Jackuss. ๐Ÿ’

There is a section on here for those estranged from relatives, if you need support: