Grandparents and Christmas

Just tell them no,if they want to the GC they need to make arrangements with her mother

One of the reasons I loathe Christmas All this planning ahead and squabbling over who goes where.

Exactly as paddyann54has said.
It is the Mother who will plan Christmas and what her own daughter does.

But nobody is squabbling Lucca!
On the evidence above one couple are almost dictating to all others.

Why is this a question for your dd?

"Are you kidding" is the right answer and reduce the number of visits in person, with 0 overnights

I'm always incredulous when grandparents behave as if it's their right to make arrangements without consultation. I'd point out the granddaughter is not an inanimate object to be moved about to suit the extended family, she has her own ideas of how she wants her Christmas to be, and that's with her immediate family.

Your DD is in charge of Christmas, for her children.

It's ludicrous to allow others to dictate plans. IMO, your DD should firmly say "No, DD1 will be with our family, she'll be with you when we allow."

Do the other GP always roll over your DD? If so, time for DD to learn to say "NO, thank you very much, I'll let you know..."

Our GD lives between her father's (our DS) and her mother's, so Christmas and other events and holidays have to be planned (a pain, but necessary).

We have never tried to make arrangements for her other than during her dad's time and with his permission (and hers). For Christmas we usually ask what they want us to do and try to fit in with their plans.

I wouldn't dream of taking her away from her immediate family for Christmas.

Namsnanny

But nobody is squabbling Lucca!
On the evidence above one couple are almost dictating to all others.

I’m talking in general. You can’t deny squabbling goes on. We see it on threads every year

Just for clarity - DD is not rolling over - she is incredulous! The circumstances of the father's estrangement are not pleasant, but his parents were incredibly supportive. Lately, however, they seem to be acting as if they have joint parental responsibility with my DD, which they obviously don't. I wouldn't dream of asking for the GC over Christmas - I'm just shocked they can contemplate it, and even more shocked discuss it with the GD before her parents. Was just wondering if our incredulity was normal!!!

What does the granddaughter want to do?

Luccu You cant deny squabbling goes on..

Of course, any subject can create a squabble. You only have to look at any thread on GN.
Not exclusive to Christmas I dont think though, and not the point of this thread moreover.

AnnieJM I wonder what brought about their new attitude?

paddyann54

Just tell them no,if they want to the GC they need to make arrangements with her mother

This they have overstepped

just thank them for their invitation and say that you have yet to think about arrangements for Christmas, but you will bear their invitation in mind when deciding what to do.

Talk to them as if you see it as an invitation, not a decision, as, of course, the child's mother, is the person with the final decision rests with.

Up to the mother and I’m sure she’s expressed that and the grandparent realise they have overstepped the mark, big time. Hardly likely they make the same mistake again.

So they've already told the GD that she is coming to them for Christmas ??? Is it possible the GD is in cahoots with other GP because there is something happening she wants to be a part of? Maybe she was meant to discuss it with your DD?

AreWeThereYet

So they've already told the GD that she is coming to them for Christmas ??? Is it possible the GD is in cahoots with other GP because there is something happening she wants to be a part of? Maybe she was meant to discuss it with your DD?

No - they're not in cahoots. GPs have presented it to her as a done deal - GD actually wants to be at home with her parents and sister.
Paternal GPs don't seem to realise why it would have been polite to enquire of DD first!!!
Anyway - it's not happening - but they are offended!

AnnieJM

Just for clarity - DD is not rolling over - she is incredulous! The circumstances of the father's estrangement are not pleasant, but his parents were incredibly supportive. Lately, however, they seem to be acting as if they have joint parental responsibility with my DD, which they obviously don't. I wouldn't dream of asking for the GC over Christmas - I'm just shocked they can contemplate it, and even more shocked discuss it with the GD before her parents. Was just wondering if our incredulity was normal!!!

Your incredulity is totally normal.

Glad it's not happening - they may well be offended this time, but will be more considered in their planning in future I hope.

Daughter wants to be with her daughter at Christmas

Granddaughter wants to be with her mother at christmas

The answer is no.

They played their hand and lost, not just the planned visit but respect as well.

Hopefully they learn from this

I would be incredulous too, they’ve got some nerve, I would be absolutely fuming.

But I think Monica has the right response, for the sake of future harmony, say Thankyou, but you’ve already made arrangements.

Heck ! I think its bang out of order to not talk it through with your DD first.

It's a big 'No' from me.

M0nica

just thank them for their invitation and say that you have yet to think about arrangements for Christmas, but you will bear their invitation in mind when deciding what to do.

Talk to them as if you see it as an invitation, not a decision, as, of course, the child's mother, is the person with the final decision rests with.

I like this. Its more tactful than my thoughts, but perhaps the least conflict ridden way.

(10 is old enough to ask what SHE wants to do.)

(Heck... I wouldn't even dream of demanding anything. I accept what I get offered as a gran and am glad to be offered time... and yes there are 3 sets of grans involved)