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Do I have to have dinner 365 days a year

(82 Posts)
Jb2022 Mon 05-Jun-23 23:06:28

My 69 year old DH insists on dinner every day of the year. I’ve not been able to cook due to stroke for quite a while now so he does the cooking. It’s very plain, he wouldn’t know how to make any sauce for instance and won’t use ready meals so every evening he spends at least an hour making a dinner, same one for each day of the week and an hour cleaning up. It’s driving me mad. Am I being unreasonable, He is doing this for himself, just adding extra for me. I would love a simple platter or even a takeaway. He just makes such a meal out of it (pardon the pun). Unfortunately eating out is very awkward for me with my disabilities.

aggie Mon 05-Jun-23 23:09:52

Why does a man cooking upset you. ?

Grammaretto Mon 05-Jun-23 23:15:24

What upsets you?. I'm not sure I understand.

Blossoming Mon 05-Jun-23 23:26:02

How long ago was your stroke Jb2022? I know how frustrating it is when you feel you are not in control of your own life. I had a stroke as a result of a brain injury many years ago and went from busy independent career woman to helpless infant in the space of about 10 seconds. Tears and tantrums were frequent in the struggle to recover and adjust. I think you have to talk to him about it, is there a barrier between you?

Callistemon21 Mon 05-Jun-23 23:26:29

Send him over here!

Actually my DH does cook sometimes but not every night
Sounds like bliss 😀

Callistemon21 Mon 05-Jun-23 23:28:34

I’ve not been able to cook due to stroke for quite a while now so he does the cooking

Can you help him at all? Suggest some simple dishes that you could help him prepare?
He obviously enjoys cooking and it's probably more healthy than ready meals too.

henetha Mon 05-Jun-23 23:29:55

He sounds really helpful actually, though I agree it would be nice to mix it up a bit.

Callistemon21 Mon 05-Jun-23 23:36:09

Perhaps your appetite isn't what it was, either, Jb2022

Could you have a chat and suggest some new menus?
I must admit it's easy to get into a rut - if it's Friday it must be fish, Wednesday is bangers and mash (DH cooks that) etc.

Can you look online and find some recipes you both might like?

welbeck Tue 06-Jun-23 00:04:01

can you send out for take-aways to be delivered ?

Wyllow3 Tue 06-Jun-23 00:08:45

I'd negotiate for some take aways and ready meals as a change now and them. . You do have a right to a voice! If it were the other way round and he asked for this, you'd do it?

welbeck Tue 06-Jun-23 00:33:03

you could get some other types of food delivered for you.
let him eat what he likes.
and you also.
as you cannot prepare much, get ready to eat or microwave meals.
don't waste energy trying to persuade him.
he is doing what he wants, fair enough.
you do what you want.
you don't need his permission.
he didn't get your permission for the current routine, did he.
make the most of your life, eat what you like.

Redhead56 Tue 06-Jun-23 00:50:04

It sounds to me that he has a rigid routine a safe and boring meal that he cooks every day. You need to be vocal tell him you want a variation with your food there is nothing wrong with that.
He is probably doing his best under the circumstances but he needs to know you need a change. Get some menus from local takeaways just for you as a change will be just what you need.

BlueBelle Tue 06-Jun-23 06:01:09

Although I can see exactly where you are coming from I think you are lucky that you have a husband that wants to cook and more miraculously clear up after himself but I can also see how frustrating and annoying it will be for you
He thinks he’s doing well
Why not suggest he has a break at the weekends and you both enjoy a couple of takeaways or a good ready meal I believe Mand S do some good ones ( never tried the myself) and a glass of wine suggest it as though you’re giving him a break not that you’re fed up with his help
He means well

Rosalyn69 Tue 06-Jun-23 06:07:30

I see both sides of this. I think he’s being kind and that’s nice but if it’s not what you enjoy it’s annoying. I have a funny diet and my husband tries too hard to accommodate me but I try to be accepting. He does mean well.

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 06-Jun-23 06:13:48

Set up online shopping and buy yourself some ready meals that you can microwave or put into the oven, most supermarkets have an upmarket range, you could also buy some sauces to liven up some of your DHs meals.

I wouldn’t kick up too much though or he might stop cooking altogether, MrOops can manage beans on toast, but that’s it, fortunately I’m able to and enjoy cooking, but if I couldn’t do it, I’d order in. Or train him up.

Lovetopaint037 Tue 06-Jun-23 06:32:54

Bless him. He is doing his best to keep things normal and look after you. What is this meal that he cooks?

NotAGran55 Tue 06-Jun-23 06:44:20

I’m not sure that I understand what the problem is OP.
Are you fed up with the predictability of the meals?
Have you discussed with him what is annoying you or is he expected to be a mind reader?

NotSpaghetti Tue 06-Jun-23 07:05:57

When you say same one for each day of the week do you mean 7 different dinners but the same on every Monday/Tuesday etc or the exact same meal every day?

I think probably he has a limited repertoire? Can you say something like

"I'd really fancy an xyz at the weekend. Would you have a go if I explained how to do it?"
I think it might be nice to try to do it together - even if you are just helping read a recipe or explaining the steps.

I don't know how much you struggle post-stroke but would he respond to you wanting to try to contribute in the kitchen? Even if this is only ideas?
He needs to know how useless you are feeling in the kitchen and will, I hope, want to help you with your rehabilitation. He needs to know how you feel though.

I think he is resigned to cooking for himself (and you) and hasn't really thought about how you feel. I expect it was quite a transition for him to cooking and cleaning up every day.

kittylester Tue 06-Jun-23 07:10:13

I can understand where the op is coming from. Food can be a huge joy but it doesn't sound like it is currently.

Is it possible that the husband feels he has control of a very scary situation in this way?

I I think you should front up to him about this not do your own thing with ready meals etc.

Presumably you have a good relationship so a little honesty should be possible.

AmberSpyglass Tue 06-Jun-23 07:23:14

She isn’t “lucky” that the fellow adult she lives with is willing to do a basic chore that’s fundamental to existence! Let’s stop all this sexist nonsense now, please.

Georgesgran Tue 06-Jun-23 07:27:27

I can sense your frustration, but the time has come for a chat with your DH. I’d be very appreciative of his efforts, but suggest a takeaway/delivery or ready meal at weekends? Could you suggest some simple recipes he could try to increase his repertoire? Perhaps he thought he would only be cooking for a while, hoping you’d recover sufficiently to help? On the other hand, if he is your full time carer now, this could be his way of winding down and getting a break? When my DH was ill, I looked forward to 6pm, when he’d want to watch the news and I’d head to the quiet kitchen for a glass of wine and to lose myself in preparing our evening meal.

kittylester Tue 06-Jun-23 07:28:46

Another thought - could your husband be persuaded to freeze some meals?

Riverwalk Tue 06-Jun-23 07:39:38

I'm surprised at those who say she is lucky or don't understand what the problem is!

The OP says the husband is doing dinner for himself and just adds extra for her - that's obvious by the fact he appears not to accommodate her desire for something different or a takeaway.

glammanana Tue 06-Jun-23 08:33:50

Do you do the shopping list for him Jb2022 I would ask him to go through the list and ring some changes.
Did you have the same menu weekly before you had your stroke ?
Many of the good supermarkets do really interesting ready meals which can be dressed up with salad/chips or baked potatoes all easy for him to manage.
You can order a range of precooked meals from a few Companies which are not subscription and can be ordered as and when you need them.
Sit him down and have a chat with him he sounds like a good man and you are lucky to have such a caring partner as many don't.

Shelflife Tue 06-Jun-23 08:48:55

I can imagine it is the relentless routine that jb finds difficult. Not sure what you mean by cooking for himself and adding extra for you? Does he only cook what he wants without considering your tastes? If he dislikes ready meals , why not get a few in for yourself and enjoy those one day a fortnight? I would be delighted if my DH cooked a meal - sadly that won't happen!! Talk to him and reach a compromise, you are entitled to eat your own choice now and again!