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AIBU

AIBU……just not responding to texts.

(68 Posts)
Sago Mon 04-Dec-23 18:38:36

My Sister in Law is not an easy person but I try and be pleasant and let a lot of stuff go!
She is staying at our holiday let (gratis) with her partner and was driving over this morning.
I sent her a text with details of the key safe and how to access our personal store cupboard and obviously wished her a happy stay.

The message was read a few minutes after receipt.

Nothing, not a thumbs up nothing!

Nothing to say they have arrived….radio silence.

Is it just me or is this rude?

Georgesgran Mon 04-Dec-23 18:46:14

I must say I like a response to any texts I send. As you say, just a thumbs up or an X to acknowledge it would be good manners.

Oldnproud Mon 04-Dec-23 18:54:39

Personally, I think it depends on several factors, such as how many texts have been exchanged in quick succession and what the very last text said. Or what the recipient is doing at that moment. Occasionally I feel that enough has already been said and that it is enough for the other person to know that their last text has been read

BlueBelle Mon 04-Dec-23 18:57:55

I think it’s rude it’s like a snub when you ve lent over backwards to help

Sago Mon 04-Dec-23 18:58:02

The last text I sent her was 2021!

Cabbie21 Mon 04-Dec-23 19:05:48

Let’s assume she was driving, then arriving, unpacking, working things out in an unfamiliar place, maybe popping to the shops…..and is not a great user of texts.
I would allow her time, then text to enquire if all is well. If no reply is forthcoming, she is definitely rude, and would not be getting another free holiday from me.

LauraNorderr Mon 04-Dec-23 19:12:52

Definitely rude Sago. You’ve been kind enough to let them use your lovely holiday let (I remember the photos).
Then kind enough to allow her to share your personal store cupboard. The very least she could do is send a two second thumbs up.
Disappointing for you. Human nature heh.

Hithere Mon 04-Dec-23 20:23:37

1. She could be driving/busy with items about the trip that cannot be delayed
Or
2. In the first paragraph, you already acknowledge a rocky and distant relationship with unrealistic expectations from her end

Why let her stay for free at your place? Whose place is it?
Is this truly about the text message or what is truly bothering you?

AreWeThereYet Mon 04-Dec-23 20:42:06

Is she a texting sort of person? I have to say I'm unlikely to respond to a text unless it's obvious a response is needed.

Having said that, I do think she could have sent a quick 'Thanks'. Maybe she will when she's settled in.

Sago Mon 04-Dec-23 20:43:53

Hithere

1. She could be driving/busy with items about the trip that cannot be delayed
Or
2. In the first paragraph, you already acknowledge a rocky and distant relationship with unrealistic expectations from her end

Why let her stay for free at your place? Whose place is it?
Is this truly about the text message or what is truly bothering you?

I never said I had a distant and rocky relationship with my SIL, I said she was not easy but I always tried to be pleasant!
You are adding 2 and 2 and making 56!

It’s a property owned my myself and my husband, she has never been and expressed an interest in staying, as it’s low season we said they could have a few days.
As I stated I always try and be pleasant so it was a goodwill gesture.

Yes it is truly about the text message.

Theexwife Mon 04-Dec-23 21:39:55

I often read a text and plan to reply later when I am not busy and then forget, maybe she did that.

RosiesMaw Mon 04-Dec-23 21:44:08

My Sister in Law is not an easy person but I try and be pleasant and let a lot of stuff go
She is staying at our holiday let (gratis) with her partner

I think I can see how Hithere came to her conclusion.
Why mention “gratis” when it comes to family?
Surely nobody would expect family to pay any sort of rental?

Dickens Mon 04-Dec-23 21:49:57

Sago

Hithere

1. She could be driving/busy with items about the trip that cannot be delayed
Or
2. In the first paragraph, you already acknowledge a rocky and distant relationship with unrealistic expectations from her end

Why let her stay for free at your place? Whose place is it?
Is this truly about the text message or what is truly bothering you?

I never said I had a distant and rocky relationship with my SIL, I said she was not easy but I always tried to be pleasant!
You are adding 2 and 2 and making 56!

It’s a property owned my myself and my husband, she has never been and expressed an interest in staying, as it’s low season we said they could have a few days.
As I stated I always try and be pleasant so it was a goodwill gesture.

Yes it is truly about the text message.

LOL (but humourlessly)...

This is why I would never pose a "AIBU" question on here. Someone - or two - will always see a hidden motive - will 'read between the lines' and end up answering your question with one of their own, to get to the truth of the matter. grin

Go with your 'gut'. You know her, we don't. If it's sort of typical of her to do this sort of thing then 🤷‍♀️.

How long does it take to send a 'thumbs up' response?

Let us know - she of course might simply have forgotten!

biglouis Mon 04-Dec-23 23:59:32

In this case it was rude not to respond at some time within the next few hours.

I myself am not a "texting sort of person". I dont carry a phone around with me so it may be hours or next day before I notice someone has texted. Unless someone is on route and Im expecting them or need to provide instructions I dont feel obliged to respond immediately if not convenient.

CanadianGran Tue 05-Dec-23 02:13:35

Yes, that does seem odd. I was looking at the time you posted, which was late in the day, so she should have have a few moments to say they arrived safely, and settled in... and a thank you!

Now you will have to see if you hear from them during their stay. Keep us posted!

Allsorts Tue 05-Dec-23 07:35:22

Sago, don't be upset, you don't know if she had battery failure, anything. I frequently have texts ignored🙄 The reason given, well I meant to, then forgot.

Enid101 Tue 05-Dec-23 08:05:51

RosiesMaw

^My Sister in Law is not an easy person but I try and be pleasant and let a lot of stuff go^
She is staying at our holiday let (gratis) with her partner

I think I can see how Hithere came to her conclusion.
Why mention “gratis” when it comes to family?
Surely nobody would expect family to pay any sort of rental?

I think, in some circumstances, it might be reasonable to charge. We don’t know if the OP has maintenance charges etc to pay. Not everyone can afford to be so benevolent.

Gingster Tue 05-Dec-23 08:14:59

Yes it’s extremely rude.
I know who, of my friends and family, will reply if not immediately, ASAP . Others take longer, sometimes a couple of days.
But in these circumstances, you would think your SIL would be appreciative and find a few seconds to reply.

Calendargirl Tue 05-Dec-23 08:35:43

Surely nobody would expect family to pay any sort of rental?

A bit of a sweeping statement. There’s family and family.

Where does the family part start and end? Children, siblings, in laws, cousins, nephews and nieces?

The OP also said she had sent details of their personal store cupboard. Sounds pretty generous to me.

I have a relative with a holiday home, family members can book to stay there, paying half the usual price. Seems fair to me. Should say am sure her own children stay ‘gratis’, which is obvious, but really don’t see why others expect to get things for nothing.

If I were offered something similar to the OP’s place, I would certainly ask if I could make some sort of payment. Up to them if they accept or not.

JackyB Tue 05-Dec-23 08:42:48

My sister-in-law is a total luddite. She switches her phone on for a few minutes each day. I think she has a model that still only writes texts all in capitals. She has no idea what a smart phone is, or a tablet. (She has actually asked me what these are. I was cooking from a recipe on my tablet which was propped up on the kitchen worktop - she asked if that was a smart phone or what?)

(Fortunately her boyfriend has his phone with him at all times; he is used to it as he needs it for work.)

Just saying that some people do not recognise it as a form of communication. You say yourself that you last texted her in 2021, so you both don't have continual contact by text. Maybe she'll phone later.

AGAA4 Tue 05-Dec-23 08:48:09

Letting her stay at your holiday let was very kind of you. I believe people should always respond to kindness with a thank you so it was rude and thoughtless of her not to send a simple text.

silverlining48 Tue 05-Dec-23 09:05:41

My brother charged us rent when we stayed at his holiday flat.
It’s generous of you to offer your place free snd quite frankly rude not to respond to your text with a few words of thanks. It only takes a few seconds.

yggdrasil Tue 05-Dec-23 09:18:35

It is possible her phone has no reception where your place is.
Or, like me, she doesn't use a mobile phone except for emergencies. (Which isn't much use as it runs out of charge all the time)

Sago Tue 05-Dec-23 09:54:35

Calendargirl

^Surely nobody would expect family to pay any sort of rental?^

A bit of a sweeping statement. There’s family and family.

Where does the family part start and end? Children, siblings, in laws, cousins, nephews and nieces?

The OP also said she had sent details of their personal store cupboard. Sounds pretty generous to me.

I have a relative with a holiday home, family members can book to stay there, paying half the usual price. Seems fair to me. Should say am sure her own children stay ‘gratis’, which is obvious, but really don’t see why others expect to get things for nothing.

If I were offered something similar to the OP’s place, I would certainly ask if I could make some sort of payment. Up to them if they accept or not.

There is full mobile signal and internet.
There is a housekeeping charge of £120 for each changeover and of course gas/electric.
The reason I mentioned it was “gratis” is because I would expect to pay!
The last text I sent her in 2021 never received a response either.
Hey ho!
She won’t be going again.

OldFrill Tue 05-Dec-23 10:24:50

Did you end the text open to a response, like "please let me know all is ok when you arrive?" If not there's no response necessary. When I've taken free accommodation l have always given a gift (voucher/bottle etc) after my stay, maybe she'll do that!