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How Would You Like to be Told your DIL is expecting?

(58 Posts)
HoneyCake35 Fri 02-Dec-11 22:29:38

My husband and I have just found out I am pregnant. This is our first baby but will be my PILs 7th grandchild! My husband's brothers both have 3 children each.
I have no parents - they died when i was a child so I am probably more excited about telling my Mother-in-law than other daughters-in-law. The PIL know that we have been trying and MIL has been very supportive and (again probably because I don't have a mum) has heard all about our fetility treatment (it has taken almost 2 years).
How would you, as a MIL like to be told - taken out for dinner, come to us for lunch, surprise popin, surely not phone(!), wait until Christmas day (silly grandpa / ma mugs) or NYE - we will be with them for both and can have some time on our own with them (too soon to tell everyone).

Would it matter if your DIL did the speaking you rather than your son?

Carol Fri 02-Dec-11 22:52:30

I wouldn't mind if you fell through the door having hysterics, created an elaborate surprise, or let me work it out for myself - none of it matters as much as this exciting, wonderful news - it would all have the same impact for me - utter bliss! Many congratulations thanks

Sbagran Fri 02-Dec-11 22:57:48

Many many congratulations HoneyCake35!!!
Am so thrilled for you and as a MIL I wouldn't mind how you told me - I would just be delighted!
It sounds like your PIL are wonderful people especially as you sadly no longer have your own parents.
I think the idea of the Grandpa/ma mugs would be brilliant provided that there is no danger of them hearing the news from anyone else before you can give them the mugs on Christmas Day. It would be dreadful for them to find out from someone else and I definitely would prefer to be told in person rather than by phone so that I could give you a huge hug!
Christmas Day is only three weeks away but can you wait that long?
You are obviously excited so it may be difficult for you to keep the secret! smile
The mugs need not necessarily be kept for Christmas Day if you can't wait that long - you would never last to NYE I am sure - so if you feel you can't wait, an invitation to coffee served in the mugs would be great but however you tell them I am sure there will be tears of happiness and I really wish you all the very very best
thanks thanks thanks

em Fri 02-Dec-11 23:19:48

Many congratulations to you.I too had trouble starting my family so I know how excited you are. No matter how you tell them the news, they'll be delighted. They are very lucky to have such a considerate DiL who is putting so much thought into the announcement. We told my parents that I was finally pregnant by telling them we were buying a bigger car - not a great idea but it really didn't matter. Is she on Gransnet? Are we likely to hear the next chapter? I really don't think I'd mind who told me - you are clearly as dear to them as their son.

HoneyCake35 Sat 03-Dec-11 10:24:08

Thank you all so much. None of you mention that this will be their 7th! They have 3 grandaughters and 3 grandsons already ranging from 7 - 15. But my husband doesn't have any children even though he was married before.

Also - are we being fair telling them but then saying we aren't telling anyone else until after the first scan?

Em - my husband's (almost) first reaction was to declare we needed a four door car! I am sorry that you had trouble too - it has been so stressful and sad. Hence I want to relish all the stages. I will post back on here with an update! I don't think my MIL is on gransnet but you never know! If so she would bound to know its me and would find out by reading this thread! That would be funny. I am my MILs 4th DIL (my husband was divorced) so maybe she is very good at being a MIL. I know from speaking to my mums friend who is a MIL (and she just has the one son) that it isn't always easy.

Sbagran - there is no chance of them finding out from anyone before Christmas. We could definitely try the special mugs - or a 'grandma again' bag / hat / mouspad / apron. There is clearly a market for annoucing the news with a gift.

Carol - that is great to know, it is fun thinking about how to present lovely news.

em Sat 03-Dec-11 10:36:31

HoneyCake - You say we didn't mention the fact that this will be no 7 for them. Did you think that we'd think that No 7 is somehow less exciting? Believe me that is not so.
A new baby in the family, especially as they know what you've been through, is a huge excitement. My family were so excited for us and there were frequent references to stars in the east!

Annobel Sat 03-Dec-11 10:56:25

My DiL told me by casually mentioning morning sickness during a phone call when she was telling me all about the school ski trip she had been leading! My other son and his partner put a copy of the first scan inside my Christmas card - handed to me on Christmas day, not posted.

jingl Sat 03-Dec-11 11:02:01

I would like daughter in law to phone me up and tell me in the same excited manner that my daughter did.

I haven't actually got a dil yet. I live in hope. (Son had a date last night! smile)

gracesmum Sat 03-Dec-11 11:03:50

They will be as thrilled as if it were their first GC - congratulations to you! I could not contain myself until Christmas so I would go ahead as soon as I felt like it (a French colleague "told" her parents they were expecting theri first baby by hanging a "bebe a bord" sticker on their car) - she said her father just burst into tears! Enjoy this lovely moment!

shysal Sat 03-Dec-11 11:09:26

I would say the sooner the better. One of my sons-in-law is very secretive and insisted they wait until the first scan, then they called round to show me the images. Delighted as I was , I couldn't help feeling a bit hurt that they had not included me in the good news from the start. I would never have told anyone else if that had been their wish.
HoneyCake35 you sound like a loving, caring person who will make a wonderful Mum, you have years of fun ahead of you! thanks

Gally Sat 03-Dec-11 11:19:39

Honeycake that is so exciting - congratulations. You sound like the ideal DIL - not that I have experience of them , only SILs! What lucky PIL's you have. I think you should tell them straight away; it would be awful if others knew before them and then they found out by chance. Your MIL would be sooo happy to be the first, apart from you two, to know. My 3 daughters have always confided in me first and it's a wonderful feeling to be 'in the know' at an early stage. Pitch up at the door with appropriate 'extras' whether it's a pair of bootees, knitting needles and a pattern, bouquet of flowers, champagne, Granny/Grandad mugs, or whatever and tell them grin

bagitha Sat 03-Dec-11 11:26:13

Just tell them any how you like, honeycake. the joy you are feeling will spill over and delight them. It doesn't matter a jot how it is done. That's your choice. Enjoy! xx

nanapug Sat 03-Dec-11 11:54:46

Please let us know what you did in the end. It is soooo exciting. I have four GC and still get excited when I hear that someone else is expecting, even if I don't know them!! Please take great care of yourself and relish every moment of this exciting time. I predict a very happy Christmas for you and your DH. x

Ariadne Sat 03-Dec-11 13:15:07

Just go for it, Honeycake! And don' t worry about there being 7 other grandchildren - love expands to fill the children available. I am so happy for you; my son and his wife are having fertility problems, so I do understand. If I were your MiL I'd count myself very lucky. (Mind you, as a MiL I am anyway.) x

yogagran Sat 03-Dec-11 14:08:07

Congratulations honeycake that's really good news and I am sure that your PIL would be so happy to hear the news early and be part of the "secret" before it's public knowledge. My DD told me as soon as she was sure and it was a real privilege to be told so soon and just SO exciting. We could share in the happiness and excitement of the early days together.
You sound such a lovely DIL - I wish mine was like you....

tanith Sat 03-Dec-11 14:13:17

I too wouldn't care how you told me I'd just be very excited for you .. congratulations.. my son and his then fiancee came round and you could see by the huge grins that something momentous was about to be told... we all jigged around the kitchen in a group hug even though we already have 7 grandchildren.

glammanana Sat 03-Dec-11 14:39:23

honeycake what fabulous news you have congradulations to you and your DH,every time I was told about the imminent arrival of a new DGC DH and I where so excited and so where the other DGC that we have,we now have 7 and the next will be as exciting as the first,(when ever that will be)

em Sat 03-Dec-11 15:25:05

Honeycake I've just realised! WE all know the secret, so you HAVE to tell them before anyone else knows. Isn't this a wonderful 'virtual' world?

Carol Sat 03-Dec-11 15:32:14

Yes, that occurred to me too. You might need to get your skates on before everybody else knows!

raggygranny Sat 03-Dec-11 15:36:34

Honeycake, tell them soon! They will love being in the know before anyone else, and Christmas is the perfect time for sharing this lovely news. My latest GC is my 9th and hearing he was on the way was just as exciting (and he is just as precious) as no. 1.

Mishap Sat 03-Dec-11 15:56:11

Lots of congratulations - it sounds as though you have lovely in-laws and it will not matter to them how many GC they already have - each one is precious - I am sure they will be thrilled with the news.

HoneyCake35 Mon 05-Dec-11 01:13:51


Ok so Gracesmum is onto me. I can't wait until Christmas day, so I have invited them round for dinner on 16 dec (I will be 6 weeks). Shysal, Yogagran and I definitely want the PIL in on this, especailly since they have been on the difficult stressful bit. Shysal thank you for your kind words - I hope so.

Have ordered "I am going to be a grandma / grandpa again t-shirts" (and a tote bag for MIL because I just couldn't decide which and the logo for the grandms was so sweet,240371006

I'll wrap these things up as Christmas presents and say that we couldn't fit them in the suitcase (we're all going away together). DH wasn't that enthusiastic about the ordering of gifts - he's not a jump uo and down in excitement sort of man (are any of them?) but seeing as he wanted children with his first wife, so has been wanting a family for over 20 years and actually suggested to me that we see someone when it wasn't working I am surprised that he just doesn't want to talk about some aspect of this all the time! I am so excited I can't sleep tonight. I want to wake up DH.

Em, YES i did think that number 7 might not be as exciting as the first 1 or 2 so I am delighted to hear from you and Ariadne (i love the idea of never ending love) and glammananna, tanith and raggygranny (who have 25 DGCs between the 3 of you) that it is still very exciting and from mishap that ALL DGCs are precious. You are all expert Grandmas.

Nannapug - I promise that I will post an update of the annoucement on here.

Jingl - did you hear how your son's date went? DH and I met on the internet. We then realised we knew some of the same colleagues and our colleagues then told us they had joked about setting us up.

This post has been brilliant. Grandmas, MILS and of course Mums are so important. The sooner MIL knows so I can talk to another excited person the better!

bikergran Mon 05-Dec-11 08:03:20

Honeycake35 congratulations smile thanks grin which ever way you decide to tell them,,they will be thrilled!

jogginggirl Mon 05-Dec-11 08:12:18

Honeycake congratulations...........a new g/c is always a complete joy no matter what number he/she is!! You sound such a lovely d-i-l - your in-laws will be overjoyed for you smilesmile As raggygranny said, what a perfect time to share such lovely news. Lots of luck thanksgrin

nanachrissy Mon 05-Dec-11 10:20:55

Honeycake Congratulations, just reading your posts has made me excited at the thought of a new baby! I'm sure everyone will be so thrilled, I bet you can't wait! thanks