Daughter at wits end - how can I help

Or even trees!

i'm so sorry that your family has to go through this. unfortunately, i have no experience of such a situation so no advice to offer.

possibly ask him what he'd like in his room, and organise it for him? or where he'd like his bed placed? sounds like his life is disrupted by the move and the op, and with the baby getting attention because of his illness, the elder child is having to express himself any way he can.

i hope things improve soon for the little fellow and for you all.

Poor little feller. It's an upheaval for anyone, moving house, but when you're little, and feeling under the weather it's bound to be harder. It's a shame it had to come all at once but no doubt that couldn't be helped.

Can they emphasise the good points of his new house to him? Has he got a garden there? If so, could they perhaps manage to buy something like a set of goalposts, or a slide? If they have got wooden floors indoors, could they get him a new ride-on toy so he could make the most of that. Take him to the nearest park and show him the play equipment? Just try to 'big' it up for him in his mind. Is there a library nearby he could go and find nice story books?

I think he's got a lot of settling in to do, and that will get easier as he regains his strength. I hope it gets better for them all soon.

Thanks granbunny, that is a positive idea I think. Maybe we could go and let him choose a few new things to put in the room tomorrow. Will suggest to his mum. Thanks again. Think we are all getting a bit ground down and desperate so fresh eyes are a help!

Thanks wotsamashedupjing! The house is a self build and garden still unusable so adding to the probs at moment. It will be done soon though so some new outdoor toys is a great plan. Mum has taken him to the park but he has to stay away from other children en mass for another week cos of infection risk so they have to avoid indoor things. Thanks for new ride on idea - good plan!

Let's face it, he is probably not feeling too good anyway and I should know how grumpy DHs invalids can be. Good advice here, but poor little chap, it is so hard when yur life changes dramatically and you can't quite articulate what is wrong. Lots of TLC needed - can Granny perhaps stay for a bit?

Oh that takes me back! We did self-build. Get him a tractor so he can 'help'?

Yes gracesmum he has every right to feel rougher than a rough thing. It's been a dreadful 12 months and just got a whole lot worse for him! Will ensure he gets as much tlc as humanly possible!

self build and a sick sibling and house move and bad throat, a stay in hospital and granny can't come round so often???
i'm going to kick off, never mind the three year old!
what strain your family must be under, diddlyididi.
i do hope you can stay with them for a while and help settle the young man in his new home.
lots of positive wishes for you all.

There is no easy answer, but when one of my grandchildren was ill long term & in and out of hospital I moved in. I gave the other grandchild lots of tlc and time. The sibling of a sick child misses out on such a lot, including parental attention. I think his behaviour is probably a call for attention. Looking back now I think the positive thing that came from this time is that I got to know the kids so well & now, twenty years on, they are still very close.

Supernan you are right I'm sure that he can't possibly get enough attention from his poor stressed parents. Unfortunately his sibling has a condition which is going to involve hospital visits for her lifetime so I would have to leave my old man and move in permanently to help in that way! I have stayed when they are in extremis but long term we have to cope by me having him here for days and me visiting at other times. I am very close to him emotionally thank goodness and I guess that is the blessing which comes out of adversity. His sibling is a little trouper and just seems to roll with the punches, but then she has had no choice. Thanks to all for confirming my feelings. Patience and love will have to be kept flowing. Good thing they are both infinite resources!

Poor little man - you seem to be doing all you can and what good advice the other Gransnetters have given you. For a three year old, and they like a pretty dull routine at that age, his little world has been turned upside down. It's difficult because poor Mum and Dad are also having to contend with a lot of worry and upheaval too. Try what the others have said, any chance he could stay with you for a bit of R and R - or is that asking too much of a 3 year old? If possible as well as buying goodies they really just want your time. Perhaps a parent could make him a special project and take him put for treats - like the playground, soft play or MacDonalds, swimming etc - make him feel really special

Could you perhaps do things the other way round and take on some of the hospital visiting and leave Mum with more time to spend with her son?

Get him tiny tools and make his own garden. Perhaps grow some simple veg?

I've moved house twice with young children, the length of the country in both cases, and not having seen the house we were moving to beforehand. The children took it in their stride.

Therefore, I don't think it's the house move that is causing the little boy's anguish. I suspect it is his own illness added to his parents' constant worry about his sibling.

The suggestions given above are all good and I would stress the one about giving him much more time and attention. Hard for the parents in such a situatioin but I think that's what he needs.

It's also worth remembering that three year olds often kick up a fuss about nothing in particular and some of it could be that. You just have to grin and bear it. Sounds as if his arents are doing that so they have my heartfelt sympathy. Good luck to you all.

We don't know the details of the household arrangements, but I wonder if a simple thing such as the same person giving him his tea every day, the same person bathing him and putting him to bed every night, might add to his feeling of security. If he can't rely on mum or dad being there at what are crucial times for a child, he may be feeling the pain of that. Of course, I son't know how easy or difficult this would be to arrange, but it might be worth a try.

My mum (mother of five and we moved house a few times) always used to say that children can cope with a change of place or a change of person, but not both at once.

That sound advice bags. Children generally take new adventures in their stride as long as the people who care for them are consistent.

Some more excellent advice thank you. Very pleased I took the plunge to register on here and ask for help! I suspect the house has actually had more attention from mum and dad than even his poorly sister and at least that is slowly getting sorted. His sister is actually quite undemanding and cheerful when she's not feeling too rough so doesn't get all that much fuss. They are both coming here for a break from home today so a happy day ahead with any luck! Thanks again to all. Hope I can be of help myself before long!

You sound more cheerful today, too - have a lovely time

You've had so much good advice already that I can't really add to it. I'm sure he will be pleased to visit you in familiar surroundings. Have a lovely day with the two of them.

I do sympathise with your situation but all good advice already given. Except I do remember when my children small what a comfort it was when my mother stayed with us for a week every now and then. Would you be in a position to do something like that?

diddly
Try and imagine the trauma for him. I do not know how children's procedures are dealt with now a days. Would his parents have been allowed to be there when he was given his GA?

It may well be that he associates the operation with the new house.

Also, a general anaesthetic will take a while to get out of his system.
Hope you can help.

diddly - Poor chap, he has my sympathies. Children often need consistency in routine and boundaries (emotional and physical) to give them the security they need. He's had such a lot to deal with in such a short time that no wonder he is all over the place. I am sure he will settle in time, but if a secure and dependable routine can be provided for him, that might settle him. Good luck. x

How difficult it must be for you all. Lots of good advice on here. I would echo Hunt's thoughts. Can you perhaps spend time with the little girl who is ill so that your wee grandson can have some one to one time with mum where he is the focus of attention. I think that would pay dividends. Also agree however that three year olds can be difficult no matter how much love and input they have!! You sound like a lovely caring gran so I am sure things will improve.