Daughter at wits end - how can I help

My son went into hospital to have his tonsils out at around the same age, and when he came home, he was uncharacteristically clingy and emotional for quite a while, as I remember. We couldn't seem to do anything right, but he did settle down again eventually. Lots of good advice given above.

i had my tonsils out in 2005 i think. nasty. no wonder he's upset.

Johanna, I think the operation has made a bad situation worse. My daughter was with him when he went 'under' and all was well but she was then called to a different part of the hospital because her husband had had to bring her daughter in be put on intravenous fluids because of a bug. The staff were great ( they know her well) and they called her immediately my grandson was in recovery but due to an alarm going off she was delayed getting back and body the time she did he was hysterical and being held down by two people. Horrid for them both.
I would love to move in for a month but have to try to divide my time between 90 year old parents (live as far away but in the other direction!) other children and grandchildren and my poor much neglected husband,home and garden. It's a juggle to say the least!
We got his new bedding yesterday and my daughter came here with just him, leaving sibling at home with daddy so he had a nice day I think. He reorganized his bedroom with daddy later on so hope to hear they had a better night than recently!
Once more thanks to one and all for 'listening' and responding. It was a huge help just to be heard,but the ideas have been very useful too. Bless you all ! X

We moved home when my DS was about 2, and DD 6 months. We only moved 5 miles but DS was desperately unhappy at first and would ran after visitors cars as they left because he wanted to to go back to the old house.

A local church ran a mother and toddler group and I went along to it. It was a godsend to all three of us. DS has always been a sociable type and once he made new friends in our new location he settled down. We all made friends, several of whom remain friends nearly forty years later.

Perhaps, if it possible with one child with health problems, join something similar, nowadays, grandparents are as welcome at these groups as parents. If he makes new friends at the new location he may begin to settle, plus the other suggestions already made.

Just a quick report to all the kind contributors to say that we seem to have turned a corner yesterday. They all had a better day with my grandson 'forgetting to be cross' most of the time, telling mummy he loved her twice and happily zooming about on a new 'ride on' which he is far too big for but which he chose and adores! I'm sure ther will be set backs but my daughter is feeling a lot more positive and hopeful so many thanks again! X

Fantastic - that must be such a relief. Probably giving the issue an airing and allowing yourselves to address it has been a catalyst for this change, along with him gradually getting accustomed to his new home now he sees all the things he's accustomed to are still there for him. Hope it continues to get better x

Diddly, so sorry it's so difficult for everyone at present. Just wanting to give you hope for the long term, other gransnet terms have given so many brilliant shorter term solutions. I was in a similar situation to your DDwhen my three children were young. All under 4 when DS 2 in and out of hospital with long term and permenant health issues, converting an old house, DS1 and DD both needing ear and throat surgery, my mother dying of cancer , MIL living abroad so no help. DH no use and left declaring it was all too much. Nightmare . Having a Grandmother like you to help would have made all the difference. However all of my children have emerged as caring , strong and resilient people . DS1 and DD have learned so much from growing up with a brother who has special needs and I'm sure your grandson will too. The bond between the three of them is very strong. Your daughter and family are solucky to have you.

Sewsilver thanks so much for sharing your story. What a strong lady you must be to have soldiered through and come out with well adjusted adult offspring! Having your other half bale out and your mum so ill must have made a hard situation almost intolerable. My first DH left when our two got to be teenage and stroppy,which was bad enough but nothing compared to what you have been through.
I've got a day at the hosp tomorrow with DD and the little lady so will pass on your words of encouragement. Many thanks and I hope life is treating you much more kindly these days X

Grandson ill in hospital and a new baby soon after plus a house move-I had a very crotchety little grand son-but it all improves with time. I don't think he will ever be as sweet and smiley as he was before and still gets a very anxious look in his eyes when a new situation presents itself. but maybe he would be like that anyway. Do hope life starts to smile on you both

Thanks for sharing stansgran. I think you may be right about your grandson. I think mine is generally more anxious than some. It seems that first children are often a lot more anxious that subsequent offspring so need that bit of extra care. The great thing about being a Nan is you can see things much more clearly from a distance so hopefully I can be a better grandmother than I was a mother. I guess we all have to keep improving if we can and I am doing my best! X

Just reading all these posts makes me realise how much things have changed since I was a wee girl! Now grandparents and parents try to understand why children are upset. We try to put ourselves in their shoes and imagine how they must feel when new and difficult things happen. When I was small children were "seen and not heard" and if we were upset or behaved badly we were just plain naughty. The "good old days" weren't very good for children! Glad things are improving Diddly. I am sure all that love and understanding surrounding your wee boy will support him while he gets to grips with everything that has happened.

Bumped
I wonder how the little boy is coping now with the house move, etc?

I wonder. We don't often get follow-up do we. Hope that's a good sign in this case.

Lots of good ideas here - just sending good wishes.
One other suggestion - have a regular time when someone looks after ill sister and he has a day of personal attention from one parent - and this happens regularly so he can come to rely on it.

One of my DDs starting soiling herself when she was about 8 and we dealt with it by upping the attention (not at the time of the soiling of course, just in general) and it went away - I think she was trying to tell us something!