Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Worried about grandma

(9 Posts)
MissCarrie Sat 16-Jun-12 17:44:00

Hello. I am worried about my grandma, she is very depressed and me and my mum don't know how to help her. She has had a tough time lately as my grandad can no longer walk due to athritis (sp?) and spent a long time in hospital.

She will often refuse help... does anyone have any thoughts on how to help her?

Sbagran Sat 16-Jun-12 21:10:33

Hello MissCarrie What a wonderful caring granddaughter you are - your Mum is obviously very caring too. Does your Grandma belong to any Church? Maybe a visit from a Priest or Minister would help if your Grandma has any religious faith.
It sounds like your Grandma is full time carer for your Grandad - her GP practice should have a carer support worker - CSWs are used to sensitively helping people in her position. I appreciate that she is probably a proud lady - proud of her commitment of caring for her husband and possibly considers that she is a 'failure' if she admits to finding it tough.
I had a brilliant CSW when I was carer for my Mum - she knew how proud I was about caring for my Mum but managed to persuade me that I was not a 'failure' by needing a bit of 'me' time. She arranged gentle counselling for me - not a 'shrink' but someone to talk to, to talk about my feelings in total confidence, so perhaps that sort of help would be good for your Grandma? Possibly your Mum could use that sort help as well - you don't have to actually live with someone to be classed as a 'carer'.
Please don't misunderstand my use of the word 'proud' - I am sure that your Grandma considers it her 'duty' to care for her husband (marriage vows - in sickness and in health etc.) and is therefore reluctant to accept help, possibly feeling she is 'failing' in some way. She certainly isn't, but it may be difficult to convince her.
Good luck to you, your Mum and your dear Grandma - I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. flowers flowers flowers

Annobel Sat 16-Jun-12 21:29:20

It may also be the case that your Grandma doesn't want your mum to feel 'put upon' although it's clear that your mum doesn't feel that way at all. It would be good for your grandad if someone else shared his care. I wonder if he has had an assessment by Adult Social Services. This should have been done when he came out of hospital. It is possible that as they are on reduced budgets they are all too pleased for your grandma to shoulder the whole burden of caring. Perhaps your mum could find out what the situation is.

JessM Sat 16-Jun-12 22:04:16

People that are ill are sometimes hard to live with, so your grandad may not be good company at the moment. She probably does enjoy hearing from you/seeing you and listening to what is happening in your life.

Hunt Sat 16-Jun-12 22:58:13

A lot of elderly people suffer from unrecognised clinica depression. My 90 year old Aunt was poorly and my sister , who suffers from clinical depression, suggested that this might be the case with my Aunt. She was given an anti depressant and within a fortnight was much improved and lived another 6 years. THis may not be the case with your Grandma but it is worth looking into.

HildaW Sun 17-Jun-12 18:43:21

MissCarrie, even if your Grandma refuses specific help she will appreciate it if you can 'just drop in' regularly. You dont need to do anything other than sit and have a cuppa and a chat with her. I used to do this with my Grandma many years ago, I'd just call in on way home from school, then work as I got older. Just knowing that she has people around who care can be a huge help.

MissCarrie Tue 11-Sep-12 23:25:50

Hello everyone. Sorry for the late reply. My grandma now has two nurses coming in each day to help care for my grandad, I feel this is helpful for her :-)

MissCarrie Tue 11-Sep-12 23:26:04

And thanks for all the suggestions!

Granny23 Tue 11-Sep-12 23:43:50

Thank you for coming back to tell us your good news which will give hope to others that there is light at the end of the tunnelflowers one for you and flowers one for your Grandma