Is acknowledging a birthday important

Or have an official birthday on a date of your choosing - just like the queen.

Littlenellie, you have almost reduced me to tears. It's such bad luck to be born so close to Christmas. I have or had a lot of relatives in that situation and we have always tried to remember to give separate birthday and Christmas presents. GD1 will be 21 on New Year's Eve. Can't believe she is all grown up.
Don't let your family off the hook. 60 is a landmark birthday and you have had so much to survive that you deserve a decent celebration.

It is a difficult time of year for a birthday, I agree, nellie. My former MIL's birthday was Boxing Day, so her cards were always put in with the Christmas cards, and although the family certainly remembered her birthday, it was never really celebrated separately from Christmas itself.
I hope your neighbour does organise something special for you this year!

Littlenellie
Can't we arrange some special gransnet time on your birthday so we all send you birthday wishes and love? Perhaps 7pm -8pm.
We can all have a and .

Littlenellie; I'm 1st Jan and I hate it. We do all have a curry night but I get hardly any cards. I remember going to a friends house when it was her birthday and there were cards everywhere. I've always hated new year anyway and the older I get the more I hate it. The S.O. says birthdays are really important because it's celebrating the day you were born [obvious, really, but something that never sunk in with me over the years]. Everyone who knows me knows that any sort of surprise party would be my worst nightmare. I received a huge bunch of flowers from work this year because it was my 60th and [me being me]as I'd had a few tests done, healthwise, I was convinced they knew something I didn't and felt really worried. When we were first married my ex husband didn't give me a card for my birthday; I cried for days..he said he didn't understand why I was upset because he hadn't forgotten he just hadn't bothered to get one..if he'd forgotten he could understand why I was upset [note the EX husband bit ]. It doesn't bother me these days if I don't get cards unless it's my children that haven't bothered, as other parents seem to have such a fuss made of them [again something I'd hate; I'm just the sort of annoying person that you can't win with!].

Do you know what? I would love a big banner on the bridge/roundabout / fence saying today nellie is 60 ....is that exhibitionist or what!!

crimson we do give mixed messages sometimes don't we,in my case I think the whole idea of a surprise ..well I don't know how I would cope because its never happened,but I would love one but hate the attention at the same time
glitabo that is a lovely idea kind of like a happy hour,and then crimson and all others with the same date could join us and we could do that for them...in fact why not for all GNs on their birthdayxxxxxxxxx

kitchen are you in a position to get away for your birthday? If so why not take a whole week? Announce, sweetly and innocently, to your family that you feel you'd like to celebrate your birthday more by going away for a holiday, and have they any ideas where you might enjoy? This is 1) letting them know birthdays are important to you and 2) giving them notice as you childmind and they will need to find a replacement for you (ha!).

I don't even know how I feel; whether I pretend not to care about birthdays so I won't be upset if no one sends me a card or whether no one sends them because I say I don't bother about it . Maybe it all goes back to adolescence and the awful valentines day stuff [no, I never got one ].

crimson neither did I ,and I think that you are right it is a feeling of rejection isn't it,I think it starts much earlier in childhood where when a parents rejection or disappointment in you starts the feeling,and in my case I accordingly was an ugly duckling who in mums words wasn't pretty wasn't ugly just pretty ugly,I wore glasses form 8months old and got hidden under a shawl ,mum never got over producing an ugly duckling.....brother different kettle of fish ..

kitchen I am sorry for hijacking your thread,I have experienced that with my now estranged DIL..and it is hurtful,have also experienced this with my sister in law both of whom come from big close knit families,ours is a close family,but very small....I have never found the answer just go along with it and be warm and friendly and inviting,and well the rest is up to them,can't try any harder.

We would all like expressions of love, appreciation and affection I guess, and if we get those, then whether or not they are hung on the hook of "birthday" or "christmas" or "mothers day" come to that does not really matter does it. It's when we don't get them, that those blooming dates can get loaded with significance and become a challenge.
But we do set ourselves up by having child-like expectations of being made a fuss of on these special days don't we.
And imagining that all the other people are being made a big fuss on their b. days. etc. etc.
Really, christmas and birthdays were invented for kids weren't they. Did our grandparents get made a fuss of on their birthdays?
Life has taught me that having low expectations about some things can be a really good idea. Also appreciating the positives rather than the negatives in a relationship.

jess totally agree with having low expectations,and I do with everything..except my birthday,I am still that expectant child then

I like to send cards for birthdays, it's a small gesture but I think it demonstrates to the person whose birthday it is,they are in your thoughts. My older son, who I find the most challenging, always brings me a present and sometimes flowers as well. He usually delivers by hand strangely old fashioned cards usually written with a very effusive message. My younger son whilst at university usually texted me, I'd never got a card during those three years. I'm not sure some of the younger generation are terribly familiar with post boxes and stamp buying. However now he's back at home I recently asked him whether he would like me to get him a card for his dad's birthday which has just gone, he told me he'd got one, which he had, but it's still languishing in his room as apparently he was too busy to write it, aah the thought was there! He will also buy us a present usually a DVD of something he thinks is great and this will be presented in an HMV bag unwrapped, but I know the thoughts there he doesn't go in for grand gestures like his brother.

Have you thought that perhaps you are too forgiving and kind? That isn't meant unkindly, on the contrary. It's so sad that 'life has taught' you that having low expectations is a good idea.

I am genuinely not a demanding mother/nana/wife etc. but I do expect to be remembered on certain occasions and would get upset if my birthday or mothers' day passed unrecognised. Could it be that people do not realise that you are hurt? That you 'pretend' it doesn't matter, when clearly it does or should.

Sometimes as wives/mothers/etc we put ourselves last and 'others' first, but that does not mean that these same 'others' should take us at our own estimation.

Littlenell I feel for you. My brother & I are both December babies, birthdays always seemed to get lumped together with Christmas

My birthday is near Christmas too, Littlenellie and I always hated it, even as a small child. Now I make sure that everyone remembers. I start reminding DH a few months in advance and always try to organise a special meal out or cook a nice supper at home for the family. That way they have no excuse. I think all the family know it's important to me.

My Grandmother's birthday was 1st January and when I was young she always threw a big family party on the day. I had to remember to buy her birthday present before Xmas, because it seemed so difficult to find the time to get anything nice afterwards.

I can still remember my grannies' birthdays - April 3rd and December 30th - so we must have at least sent them cards.

Perhaps I will cancel Christmas,then there will be only one thing to focus on actually that would suit me not having the silly season now why didn't I think of it before.

try again just lost my post!

was going to say how sad that is Little Nellie, both my children son and estranged daughter had Jan birthdays and that is bad enough.

Is it only normal to want to have fuss made on your special day!

I have friend who drops huge hints and tells everyone, she has no kids but lots friends acquaintances and makes sure no one forgets her birthday!
all seems bit false somehow!

Having said that I love to get cards, got 16 this year will not count the 17th as was from the Club I go to!!

As long as I get one from my dear OH and son and 3 special friends then the rest are all a bonus!!

My sons arrived late due to dreadful post, andmy twin called round with his in person we had been away that weekend he came last Monday.

I would make sure you have special time this year!!
I sometimes get hurt when nieces and nephews who I have sent cards to since their birth dont bother, so now they all grown up I only remember the niece I actually have regular contact with.

that sounds quite unkind Kitchen my sons ex partnr was bit like that, she never even sent us a xmas cards last year her birthday i xmas eve!! even worse it is just that she cannot be bothers, there is no ill feeling.

Glitabo what a great idea - a birthday party with and and and and and and and and andnd and and but we had better not tell glass on the weekly weigh-in thread!
I have put Nellie's party in my diary for 29th - see you all there!

My brother was unbelieveable - every Christmas he used to send my/OUR mother (who has sadly now left us) a Christmas card with a cheque in it. Enclosed would be a note stating the cheque was to cover Christmas, Mothering Sunday and her birthday - her birthday was in April and I don't believe she ever received even a card from him on her birthday or Mothering Sunday as she'd been 'done' at Christmas. I wonder how he would have felt if she had done that to him???

Could we have a list of birthdays somewhere for reference? So that we remember the the and the ?
NOT the year of course

did someone mention my name

I think it will be jingles birthday this week... Happy Birthday jingle not seen you for a little while, think you have been away. I hope you have a lovely birthday

Happy Birthday janeainsworth

Thank you Harri