What do you think..

Coming to this very late but hope you managed to get it all sorted out amicably. I think you are very wise listening to your gut instincts and also the good advice you got on here from your friends. To be honest, I wouldn't have left my children at 13 without a babysitter, let alone entrusting them with the responsibilty of being in charge of another child.

When my daughter was 13 1/2 I was still having babysitters for her when we went out. We gradually eased up at 14 to only having a sitter if we were going to be away for a long time and a long way away, a very rare occurrance.

This, of course was before mobile phones.

Have only just read this thread. Nellie, all the advice has been sensible and sound. You, being you, have listened to your inner voice. E shouldn't be expected to take on such a big responsibility at her age. I'm pleased that you have reached the right decision. Well done!

absent I absolutely blew up when T contacted E directly,feel very uneasy about that and now will speak to her,have already said that if she was having contact with. E we should be singing of the same hymn sheet so that one is not played off against the other and T is seen as an ally,as far Iam concerned this really is not going to happen and has to be nipped in the bud.

A big thanks to you all E will not be babysitting and I will be supervising any contact E has with T as in I will make sure I am there and any invites will be clashing with other arrangements so that I can guide them "oh sorry we are busy then" ,think T sees her as an equal...this relationship needs nipping in the bud,thank you for confirming the bad feeling was not misplaced. to my lovely friends thank you

Littlernellie Would it be possible to have a gentle word with T to the effect that if she wishes to make these sorts of arrangements, could she check them with you before speaking to E given E's age?

The mother should go through you with requests too. It's only polite and proper as you are responsible for E.

Good on you, nellie. Your instincts are guiding you wisely. BTW, when my neighbour's daughter babysat for me, DD was already in bed asleep by the time she came, and could be relied on to stay asleep. I wouldn't have expected the girl to put her to bed. All I was expecting of babysitter was that she could get help if any was needed. Her mum had a key and could come and check up anytime too.

Thanks for the article, jane. I think that what I was thinking of was the fact that if the babysitter is under 16, the absent parent is still fully responsible.

Thank you jane the link just confirmed all my feelings and thoughts,think I have been made to look at E in a different light as I have always thought of her that is the 'baby' I think she is just right for a 13 year old dosent need to grow up any quicker.
This is the 2nd time T has contacted E directly ,the first time was to make arrangements without consulting me first ,the first time I was unhappy about about and the argument with E was very upsetting for both of us.
T was very good friends with Kate,E is very much like Kate I wonder if unwittingly T is seeing E as Kate ,it is hard to accuse her of being underhand if she honestly is feeling connected to E this way,Imust admit to having doubts about the contact,when originally this was restablished there was a 30 mile distance between us now there is a two mile distance,I don't feel this was deliberate,but a coincidence as it was a house swap and T had been eager to move anywhere to get away from the 'worrying' company she kept.

Absolutely, good call nellie. If you want her to have responsibility a little job helping in an environment where there are some other adults around would be a good thing for her. Or helping in a day nursery in the holidays, ditto, other adults taking responsibility. 13 yr olds all too young to babysit in my opinion.

I agree with everyone nellie. I also think two young teenagers could have difficulties controlling boisterous boys if and when they got a bit giddy.
Yes,T should have asked you first, but you've made the right decision

Doh! me too Baubles - I was called away in the middle of posting - I apologise Nellie - a bad case of trying to teach Granny to suck eggs

A big thanks to all of you,I had decided to say NO,as I still try to preserve E's remaining childhood as she had a lot of her innocence taken from her,she mixes with girls who have parents from a younger generation who have different views on things and do allow their girls to grow up a lot quicker,I don't want to hold E back but neither do I want her growing up to be accelerated in my eyes she is still a child,I certainly wouldn't leave her,and still feel she needs a babysitter at times if we go out ,but she always comes with us or we don't go.
I am quite perturbed that T asked E direct,am giving the benefit of the doubt that she might make her own decisions,but think she should have asked me before speaking to E.

I do not want to be alarmist but your post set warning bells ringing loudly. A whole list of 'what ifs' occured to me e.g. What if one of the 'worrying' friends turned up at T's house? what if E got in a panic in the dark? What if Social Services got wind of this? Also wondering why T (who is a good parent) thinks this is a suitable arrangement for care of her children. E is only four years older than her eldest son. Perhaps she is trying to be kind to E, perhaps she is desperate for a 'night out' (and who can blame her for that) but this is, as your instincts are telling you, too much, too soon for E. If the babysitting did not go well it would set E back considerably. An hour or so in the daytime would be a different matter and one I would have insisted upon as a parent as a trial run with any babysitter before leaving my children in their charge for a longer period.

Nellie - I think you have serious doubts too, otherwise you would not have posted but now the offer has been made you will have a difficult job saying NO and explaining why without giving offence.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12380329
Sorry forgot to blue it.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12380329
This might put your mind at rest nellie that you have made the right decision [ flowers]

I think 13 is way to young to have that kind of responsibility. Watching a child for half an hour whilst they play is one thing but all evening and overnight would be definitely a no in my book.

baubles you can still say have your two pennorth xx

This was the page I left my iPad open on after OP so just posted when I came back to it. Realise now that lots of others have already answered doh!

It seems a huge responsibility for a 13 year old to take on. Could E try being in charge for a couple of hours in the early evening to give her a taste? I wouldn't have left my own children alone overnight at 13 far less expected them to be responsible for younger children.

bags when I was doing some childcare courses a few months back,there is no legal age for leaving a child but in allowing T to leave her children she is responsible for any harm that happens or is caused and I believe that I allow E to be responsible ultimately any harm that happens is down then to me,so thanks you all have just confirmed in my mind the right answer.

Thanks everyone my feelings exactly,my confidence seems to be letting me down,my feelings with own kids where instinctive,but my mothering instincts,are kind of more laboured as I am not as "intune" as I was with mine...and 20 years out of date

I have to agree with the other posts, nellie - 13 is too young, and I'd also be a bit concerned about the 'worrying' company the mother in question keeps. It does not sound safe to me.

Bags Strangely, there is no legal age limit for a child to be left without an adult or for a person to baby sit a child (unless the law has changed recently). Common sense is meant to apply although it doesn't always by any means.

Thanks bags have already decided I think she is too young but just wanted some other opinions in case I am being over protective as I was with my children,and it interfered with their confidence,don't want to make the same mistakes again this time roundxx