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It was nice learning something new about DH after 30 years of Marriage

(8 Posts)
CHEELU Sun 23-Dec-12 15:01:02

Its not anything major but it felt really like the old days finding out something new about DH, it was only why he so hates dishes being in the sink, he asked my son to wash up the dishes and explained to him that he hated having to wash something up if he needed it and not being able to just find it in the drawer, I know it really is a little thing but he never ever told me that was why he hates dishes in the sink, it may be obvious but it really wasn't to me I just thought he was just moaning..he never really shares things that worry him with me, he thinks he should be the fixer of all things but I do wish he would share more things with me, dont know if anyone can identify with this..

nanapug Sun 23-Dec-12 15:21:26

Oh yes I can CHEELU. My OH and I have a wonderful relationship and are very happy, but he is absolutely useless at sharing things, especially feelings and worries. He was brought up in a house where there was very little communication, and certainly no feelings shared. When he used to say goodbye to his Mother he would shake her hand. His Father was a very strict teacher and she was a very timid Yorkshire lady who used to call me a "soppy southerner". I had to teach my OH to be affectionate and it is only latterly with the GCs that he is really "getting it". Don't get me wrong, he was a great Dad but not very tactile or affectionate. I wouldn't swap him though ;)

Nelliemoser Sun 23-Dec-12 23:30:45

cheelu I am sorry to rant here but I have more than identified with this. It has caught me at a bad moment and I need to offload.

Why is this a "little thing"? I have to ask this. If he doesn't like not finding dishes ready in the the cupboard why doesn't he wash them up?
Do you not expect to get a bit of help here and there? You seem to feel sorry for him.
I get so much of this sort of thing I am totally p****d off with my OHs behaviour. He generally disappears at the first words of "can you help please?" I have spent about 3 days this week cooking and shopping to get things prepared. He has done a bit of ironing today but then decided to go to the shops 15 minutes away about 20 mins before they closed at 4pm. Such is the state of things, I was tempted to not remind him at what time they closed.

The guest room is still not ready for guests. I have been on my feet all day more cooking and finishing some gifts. Nothing wrapped but guests are coming on Thursday, so Christmas is sort of on hold. Till then I have the feeling that I will be sitting watching television on Christmas Day while he faffs around upstairs on the computer. On Boxing Day I will be preparing food for guests when I am already knackered.
Will he talk about it? No he won't! He has said at times that "I should not have asked, or reminded him." It seems "its my fault for asking" or its the way I ask. No he won't talk about this or the state of our relationship! sad

I don't know of course how you feel about your relationship but if this sort of behaviour doesn't annoy you at times I think you must be a saint.
Sorry to sound off Cheelu Dont take my rant personally I am having a bad day.

cheelu Mon 24-Dec-12 01:16:55

Wow Nellimoser my hair is blown away with the anger coming from your post--It wasnt supposed to be having a go at husband post just that it was nice to get a bit of the early days feeling. BUT I am glad you had your say, you just sound really really stressed to me. nellie the problem is that you are too good at doing all those things and so he leaves it all to you, you need to delegate and if he goes missing go find him!!

I am a bit lucky like that but then I started as I meant to go on, he moans about the washing up because If I dont want to do it I wont, so he has to do it, I dont ask him to do it but it bothers him, so he does it and thats it. Men dont usually worry about things like is the spare room looking nice or not, the way they look at it is they have already done enough by putting people up, If you feel you need to talk to him about your togetherness (I hate the word relationship) Then you could take a deep breath, maybe go for a walk,(if you allow yourself the time to)-- walks are brilliant for calming down and giving you time to think, then just simply say, we need to talk Dear, clear the air!! tell him why you are upset and get his take on things to help you understand why he does what he does, hope you feel a bit better tomorrow. Best wishes.....

cheelu Mon 24-Dec-12 01:24:12

I was brought up in a house like your OH nanapug and do struggle and find it hard sometimes saying stuff, but try to make the effort with family to let them know that I do love them, --I tell them my actions speak louder than words..

glammanana Mon 24-Dec-12 09:50:20

Mr glamma would be waiting for a long time for me to wash dishes as that is his department and always has been he can load that dish-washer better than anyone else I know he has even been known to remove plate's prior to not finishing a meal ???
My mum said to me years ago never ever leave dishes in the sink as your kitchen will never look tidy and this is something that has always stayed with me.
nellie a small word in OHs ear about the spare room may be needed to remind him how hard you work sometimes they just don't think do they and expect us to do everything,I am very lucky as mrg. has always helped in the home since I returned to work when the DCs where small,he worked shifts and when I came home from work Dcs where fed watered and homework done etc,this sharing has carried on thoughout our married life he is a gem of a man and our boys are the same with their partners.Good luck with your spare room if I lived nearer I'd pop over and give you a hand.xx

Ylil Mon 24-Dec-12 10:18:00

Who is DH ?

Nonu Mon 24-Dec-12 10:19:22

Darling Husband !