Knowing all you know now, what would you have done differently in your life.

I think there is only one thing I regret NOT doing. Back in the late 1990s we sold our boat (our home) for £120,000.
We went to an estate agent to buy a flat, only a small one. While there we got talking with him and told him our story about our boat.
He suggested that we put deposits on several flats, mortgage them and put tennents in.
We were just to cautious to do this as we had worked very hard for that money.
And as you all know, from then on property went sky high.
I only say this because if we had done this we would be in a very nice position to help family out now.

I suppose there is a difference between thinking about what you might have done differently and having regrets.

The major thing in my life that I wish it had been possible to do differently was to have forgiven my Mum before she died. But I know that it was beyond me - and I have to accept that. She was a frustrated and bitter woman who was able to put on a front with others, but we bore the brunt of it. There were good times for sure, but we were always treading on eggshells, never knowing when she might have a go at us or at Dad.

Now that I am a mother and grandmother, I can understand some of what she was trying to do was good (especially in her role as grandmother - she was better at that than being a mother), but there was, for me, too much baggage for mending fences. And in any event, one of the dysfunctional factors in our family was that we were not allowed to acknowledge the difficulties and that would have made confronting them and dealing with them virtually impossible.

I look back on my attitude when in my 40s with never a spare moment between work and busy family life. It was 'well I have completed this, haven't I?' Things were such a rush. ' I have done what I can? ' I later realised that I could not continue this approach when the children were bigger and fled the nest. Work really required more, and I was then in the place to give more, and try harder, and plan better. So would I have done it differently????? Would I!!

This one is easy. I realise that I would have made the same choices, perhaps in a different path.

If I had gone to a different university, I would have met different people and gone to a different town, but my interests and attitude would have been expressed the same way, but in alternative places and events.

It was when the Christmas letters of our friends wrote about practically the same things for their teenage children, as for ours, I realised that our lives were very similar. Well, OK, our kids did scouts and played in bands in school, and their kids did Officer Training Core, and Duke Of Ed, and played in local orchestras,…………. Different in detail, but outwardly the same.
So if people write that they would do the same again, I agree. And if people write that they would do things differently, I can also agree, wholeheartedly, as mentioned.

My best memory is from my late 30s when we went on holiday with family friends with children the same age. We talked about everything, in that holiday, including how I nearly went to a different university, to study a different course. 'Oh my goodness!' my friend said 'But I'm sure you are pleased that you didn't. I would not have wanted to go to a different uni, because the most important thing is that I met Robert' , her hubby' . But I knew that elsewhere, I would have met someone else very similar to my husband, with very similar characteristics. The same yet different.

Very good point janeainsworth
I could have not married my philandering husband, and I could have continued my education first time round rather than having to start all over again when I had 3 young children, and there are several choices I've made in later life that did not work out, that might have had more positive outcomes if I'd made different choices, but I didn't. My perspective still holds, I believe. Whatever choices we make, make us who we are, and therefore we should not regret them. (Unless we dislike who we are, and why on earth would you do that to yourself?)
Cheelu don't put yourself down talking about silliness and regrets. Your thoughts are your personal thoughts and not for anyone else to judge.
BUT ... they are thoughts, ie they are how you think about (ie percieve) things to be, and therefore it is within your power to rethink those thoughts, and if they are less than positive, turn them into positive thoughts. It's all in your mind ... quite literally! What a liberating thought

cheelu I too greatly respect nannanna for her positive attitude, but to be fair to you, your question was about things we would have done differently, rather than things that happened to us over which we had no control.
So don't beat yourself up

NannaAnna, after reading your post I ask myself what the heck am I going on about my silliness and regrets. I am so sorry that things have been so sad for you, you do now have a brilliant attitude which I will heed. Bless you sweet x x

I too should have stood up to my stepdad and taken the place I was offered at agricultural college ( he thought I should get a job !). I should have been brave enough to ask my mum the full story about my natural father before she died. I did not want to upset her and thought the family would fill in the gaps but they did not know anything so now I will never know.

Much resect NannaAnna. It's rare to meet someone who has been through what you have described, who can be so philosophical about their life

Je ne regrette rien
I had a lousy childhood, and a dysfunctional youth. I've suffered depression, attempted suicide and a chronic auto-immune illness, all as a result of my early years. I've suffered physical, sexual and emotional abuse, and married a serial adulterer. I lost a baby and one of my 3 daughters has a chromosomal abnormality that has made the world we live in a challenging place for her.
I am now a very wise and compassionate person, being led intuitively towards the purpose of my third age, which lies in healing.
How can I regret anything that makes me who I am?
Regret is such a waste of energy. Don't ever waste your energy on negativity

Would definitely have not wasted my education and gone on to do A levels and hopefully university. Would not have got married at 18 (didn't have to) although the marriage lasted many years. I know I could have done further education and a degree course but that's difficult when doing a full-time job and being a single Mum.

Sometimes I think how would I have changed things but to be quite honest I do not know really,maybe I would have liked to have stayed at home longer when the DCs where small but needs must at the time,they where well cared for but i often think I missed out a lot.
Then again if things where differant I wouldn't be the person that I am to-day and I am more than satisfied with my life and what I've acheived.
Oh just thought I should have set up my catering business 3/4yrs earlier and not this past year.

Joan we have a fanastic life together but yes what has happened has put us under enormous strain all we can hope is that the hurt will fade in time.

Either that or she will miss us and want us back in her life, we have conflict my OH and me due to the fact that he does not want to go to court and I do.

I would never have travelled north to deliver Christmas presents on 13th December 2008

Bravo - brilliant

Granjura the thing is, I married a sailor in special forces: we never knew where we'd end up. So I simply worked in the Civil Service (again). But I DID get to university in the end - in my late 50s! Got a BA from the University of Queensland in French and German, with Honours in German, so I guess I made up for missing out as a young 'un.

celebgran I was lucky in that my family fall out only lasted 6 months. So sad about your situation, and I hope it doesn't ruin things between you and your husband. I know mine caused awful bother between the two of us. But the 2012 family Christmas went fine - this was impossible to believe 12 months ago, so there is always hope that things change. If they don't change, there is always hope that the hurt will fade.

As cheelu said "We are still alive and kicking to tell the tale...."

There's a difference between having regrets and wondering what life would have been like if you had done things differently.
To those who do have regrets, how do you know life would have been any better if you had chosen a different path? There are always challenges and difficulties whatever you do.
I have no regrets, but I wish I had had more confidence in my younger days to have made more of the opportunities I had and to have dealt with problems more assertively - it took me about 45 years to learn to do that!

Mine would be definitely definitely definitely not marrying my first husband as it completely destroyed years of my life. However I wouldn't have had the 2 boys, so I try to put it all behind me.

cheelu that is very positive. Just to put you in picture!

Are you spilling the beans about your regrets or is it private?

My daughter has cut us out of her life and says it is because of my unreasonable mood swings and because I suffered from depression in the past, this only blew up when I read a text on her phone from her best friend running me down.

He husband has egged her on, and the 28 years we had such good times seem over for good as is 4 years ago this happened. Nothing we can do to heal the rift, we had 9months of loving our little grand daughter and now nothing for nearly 4 years, she has not contacted us in any way since the last dreadful letter saying basically she had new family now and I was not to be part of it. She even had another baby without telling us which hurt so much not least as I had given her such support even visitting fertility specialist with her at her request when she was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and supported her 100% throughout her first pregnancy.

She had cut out her brother, aunts, uncles, cousins the lot.
That is why when really low Iregret having her!!
Yes I do love my husband I expect, but sometimes wonder if this will split us p we are not getting on at all well at moment.

Joan, can't be an au-Pair until you are 18 anyway

And getting married is not automatically a barrier - I went back to studying aged 29, and many much later than that. Bravo on your German A'level - that would be very hard without tuition.

I think I did the best I could at the time....only it hasn't turned out always to be the best for others....

Brilliant stories, It seems that most people have a few regrets but someone said its not what regrets you have, its how you handle them that matters and that is very true. We do have regrets but we are still alive and kicking to tell the tale....

I kept getting things confused before Christmas joan and even though I previewed them I didn't spot my mistakes until they were posted! Hopefully with all the pressures off now I can be on more of an even keel

Yes - it's a bugger the way we can't edit, isn't it?

I'm guessing you mean 8 good 'O' levels joan.