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Is she imagining it

(32 Posts)
cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 19:43:39

My sister just rang was upset saying Hubby keeps avoiding her by leaving the room the minute she walks into it, I am sure I have noticed him doing that a couple of times, He sits in the kitchen and if she goes in there for what ever reason he will get up and go in living room...

Marelli Sun 06-Jan-13 19:46:46

Has she asked him why he's doing it, cheelu?

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:02

Yes she has asked him but he just denys it and says she is imagining it

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:19

But I have actually seen him do it myself

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 20:15:10

Could she ask him to come and sit with her to watch a particular TV programme or something? Then if he declined she could say that she misses sitting with him sometimes...and see what his response was??

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 20:19:08

She tried that yesterday at my suggestion and he sat with her for all of 10 minutes and then went off...

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 20:33:55

Hmm... suggest either she keeps a diary for a week and then confronts him or she confronts him ans says she is NOT imagining it and whilst she does not want to live in his pocket she would like to share some time with him & unless he can give her a reason why he does not want to agree tea/dinner every day plus x & y doing something each week . Then she should join a few clubs /start new hobbies and get on without him unless you think
a) he is depressed in which case he needs help
b) he wants out of the which case your sister needs your support.

Does not sound happy whatever the cause. sad

celebgran Sun 06-Jan-13 20:36:41

oh gosh sounds like me and OH TODAY - he decorating me cooking/ironing ships that pass in the night!

maybe they not got enough separate things to do? just and an idea, seems bit strange must admit.

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 20:47:22

DH & I often share space but with me on GN and he on his footie forum so not communicating! Such as now!

However we are both busy people and off doing our own thing but do spend time doing things together ..including crosswords, jigsaws, film, theatre, eating(in & out) sharing articles in the press, socialising with friends etc etc.

I suppose the problem on this thread is that it appears a deliberate action by cheerlus BiL. Either he wants a confrontation but does not know how to manage it or is trying to manipulate it so it becomes wife's issue. Either way my advice is that she takes control of the situation and makes a decision that suits her.

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 20:56:58

He is very stressed right now with his new business but why would he avoid spending time with her though

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 21:00:13

Ah! maybe it is all going pear shaped and he is avoiding talking about it. if his head is full of problems re work he might need time to think it through. How sudden is the change? Did they usually chat about work and solve problems together?

NfkDumpling Sun 06-Jan-13 21:00:57

I fear nanaej is right. But there could be several reasons for his actions - depression, mid life crisis, boredom, flirtation. Does he hang up the phone when she comes into the room? Work late at the office? Perhaps there's something she could do to pep up their relationship?

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 21:12:24

No he does not hang up the phone or do anything suspicions as I have asked her that but she has just text me to say that he told her he doesn't really want to talk as it leads to arguments!

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 21:19:06

Perhaps they need to do something together .Go to the pictures so they can talk about that!

NfkDumpling Sun 06-Jan-13 21:22:45

Sounds like he's stressed about his business perhaps? If so she's going to have to be very understanding for a while. Going to the pictures sounds like an excellent idea.

NfkDumpling Sun 06-Jan-13 21:23:44

Perhaps they could see Quartet?

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 21:26:51

sorry for my ignorance but what is Quartet--NfqDumpling stop laughing this instance ha ha

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 21:29:56

Just looked it up it looks brilliant--might watch it myself, I love Pauline Collins

nanaej Sun 06-Jan-13 21:30:58

It is a new film with maggie Smith and other good actors. It is directed by Dustin Hoffmann and is about retired singers living in an Old people's home together.

harrigran Sun 06-Jan-13 21:38:17

Oh dear that sounds rather like DH and me. I walk into the lounge, he goes upstairs. I go up to the study where he is sitting and he goes to the lounge. I ask if he has a problem with me in the same room and he says no point in wasting time if the telly is free for watching footie or whatever.

janeainsworth Sun 06-Jan-13 21:41:01

Harri grin

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 21:43:18

Emm maybe that's all it is then, but still a bit hurtful I know she gets quite lonely sometimes because she has said as much, do you feel that sometimes harrgran..

harrigran Sun 06-Jan-13 21:54:24

No cheelu I am never lonely, he is a treasure in other ways. Since retiring he has taken over the cooking as long as I tell what we are going to eat and he does all the ironing too. I have a bookcase of books I want to read and I have my computer, after 50 years together I think we just don't need to talk all the time. Mind if he leaves the room with his mobile in his hand I am one step behind him and earwigging.

jO5 Sun 06-Jan-13 22:02:30

I think he could be depressed, as others have said. Depression can make you draw into yourself. Or, I think wanting to be on your own more can be part of growing older.

Or he could be just fed up with things in general, including her. It happens.

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 22:04:05

Ah harrigran 50 years that's brilliant I think I have done very well at 30 years, your understanding ways have obviously been a factor but do you have any other advise for a long and happy marriage.