Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

What is your advise for a long and happy Marriage

(96 Posts)
cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 22:28:46

I have been married 31 years October this year...We argue quite a bit so I don't think I am in a good position to give any advise..

merlotgran Sun 06-Jan-13 22:37:13

Nothing wrong with arguments so long as you don't sulk/bear grudges/keep bringing up old arguments etc. My 43 years of marriage would have been very boring without the arguments but they don't last long, it's all hot air and we know in the long run that we are both on the same side.

Not sure I would want to advise anyone on how to achieve a long and happy marriage these days but as an elderly neighbour once said to DH, 'Some days, you've got to be prepared to pee in the same bucket.' shock

Grannyknot Sun 06-Jan-13 22:38:31

Husband and I have become a team. We rarely argue, but every so often we have a big blow up. Clears the air! So my advice is: team work.

Nelliemoser Sun 06-Jan-13 22:40:46

Its no use asking me!

nanapug Sun 06-Jan-13 22:48:47

Never say anything in anger that you wouldn't say normally, and never go to sleep on an argument. It is usually me that says sorry but that's ok as it works!

Ana Sun 06-Jan-13 22:50:41

cheelu, are you asking for advice for yourself or someone else? Or just generally? I don't think any of the old clichés would apply to every marriage, you have to work out what's best for your own particular one.

Jodi Sun 06-Jan-13 22:55:43

No use asking me either hmm

harrigran Sun 06-Jan-13 23:02:34

Give and take, he gives and I take grin

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 23:02:45

Just asking because I am interested Ana and feel that we all can benefit from any advise given.

I have already learnt quite a bit from the post so far, like for instance what nanapug has said that it is always her that apologizes but that's OK because it works for them--that has made me realize that I need to be more like that---

and Grannyknot saying they are a team, that makes me realize that that is a good attitude to have and one that I should adopt..etc etc etc...

Ana Sun 06-Jan-13 23:03:54 you were folks! grin

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 23:04:35

hey I need every bit of help I can get ha ha.. but we will all be much the better for it IMHO

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 23:05:33

Thats brilliant harrigran, I like and very much agree to that one....

merlotgran Sun 06-Jan-13 23:08:27

And I didn't REALLY mean you have to pee in a bucket grin

merlotgran Sun 06-Jan-13 23:09:01

At least not both at the same time hmm

cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 23:12:49

I dont get that pee in a bucket thing does that mean that you have to go through the rough times together????

merlotgran Sun 06-Jan-13 23:16:11


Hunt Sun 06-Jan-13 23:22:53

57th anniversary coming up this year. Don't know what makes it work but we must have something right. I love him even more than when I saw him on the station at Wroxham in 1953 and thought to myself,'' He's for me!''

Hunt Sun 06-Jan-13 23:23:53


cheelu Sun 06-Jan-13 23:29:13

Ohhhhhhh Hunt that is so nice!!!!!

annodomini Sun 06-Jan-13 23:37:57

Hunt, it's so reassuring to know that your marriage has been so happy and successful. smile sunshine

marthanne Mon 07-Jan-13 01:40:28

After 50 years married -I would say its sticking power, going through thick and thin and both being loyal to each other. I think arguements are inevitable because there are rough times and mood changes on both sides. Life is not always smooth. Depth of feelings of love for one another is important.

marthanne Mon 07-Jan-13 01:54:05

Re-reading my last post its sounds as though our marriage is a long battle- so am quickly saying we are very vey happily married and I love my husband to bits.

kittylester Mon 07-Jan-13 07:20:19

I think that if you have to think about it too much it's a bad sign. I also think that growing together is a matter if luck. We could have grown in different directios but, luckily, didn't. smile

Grannyknot Mon 07-Jan-13 08:34:20

kitty I agree. My husband keeps surprising me - by catching up! smile

Movedalot Mon 07-Jan-13 12:04:11

It must be love. If you look at our marriage objectively there is no way we should be together but it works for us. When asked what we have done to stay together we agree that at any given time at least one of us has been working at it. We also don't have many rules about who does what in the family, each of us does what we are best at, he would never be able to iron! Of course he was always better at earning it so you can guess what I am better at.......................