What is your advise for a long and happy Marriage

Agree nonu my darling husband does not talk much about his feelings he does tell me he loves me all time and has always called me treas short for treasure we are not plan sailing I am bossy I know and we argue but I could not imagine a world without him. We have been under enormous strain since losing his dad and our daughter in same year 4 years ago but somehow we still together and have pretty good life after 36 years.

It is a tremendous comfort to know someone loves you so much and is on your side!

I thought Gramps post was very nice , men tend not put their thoughts into words .

We have been married for 42 and a half years now , and it seems to work well , in fact we could not have spent the last 5 weeks together harmoniously , as we have done for 20 times, if things where not good between us .

gramps has nothing more to say about Marriage than can be found in any Women's magazine. But it has worked for him.
I am happily married and we didn't have to work at it at all. It was aways easier to be with him than without him and we get on very well indeed. We think the same about most things which makes for harmony. We don't go in for daily kisses or daily cuddles or those three words.

If I had a husband always going on and saying 'love ya! and wanting a kiss everyday like cleaning teeth, it would have got on my nerves.

Ah but Eloethan the OP said 'long and happy'.

Expanding on my comment about only hearing one side of a divorce. Its rather like when you hear how dreadful someone has behaved and it all sounds like they are terrible and then you sit back and wonder why they did that? Then you think about the person who told you and you wonder................... It always seems to me a shame to hear that people have taken sides in a divorce or any other not clear cut situation.

Long marriages aren't necessarily happy ones - some people just leave it too late to change direction.

How lovely Maggie we too went away for our Ruby. Sorry no stocks.

Yes, bluebell I think we all know that relationships are complicated! The point I was making is that it is very rare to know all about someone else's failed relationship.

Just celebrated our Ruby Wedding (40) last weekend.
We spent 24 hours at a delightful very small gastro pub with rooms, in a huge deer park. DH had arranged a huge tied bunch of stocks to be in the room on arrival. We had stocks in church at our Wedding.
A truly romantic and lovely way to celebrate 40 yrs. Tolerance, understanding and above all being friends as well as loving.
Hopefully a good example to our three offspring!

marriages or for that matter any long term relationships are complex. What would drive one couple apart does not upset another. Both partners need to feel equal in giving/taking, level of happiness etc etc. No easy route in a truly deep relationship!

Moved - it's much more complicated that a simple dichotomy of guilt and innocence

Yes, nanaej 'trust' probably sums it up and I wonder if not competing might be important too? It would not be so easy to see why a marriage fails as we would only ever hear one side of it and I have yet to meet the innocent party in a divorce

OH and I together since 1966 and married in 1971. We are still friends, companions and lovers . Ups and downs are normal in any relationship but the ups need to outdo the downs! Both need to want it all to 'work' and neither should feel more important that the other.
We used to have one joint account but we evolved to having a joint plus our own. It does not cause us any problems or suggest we do not trust each other... means he can surprise me with pressies as spend does not show up on the bank statement!

We've been married 44 years this year. The three little words I most like to hear from my DH are 'you're not fat'. Or is that four words.....

I can only speak for our very long and happy marriage where we have only ever had one current bank account between us and later added our children. It works for us. We all trust each other. Perhaps it is because in our marriage we recognise each others strengths and weaknesses and choose which responsibilities each will have. I am the accountant in the family and DH has no interest in the finances so simply signs where I tell him and leaves the rest to me. I do not suggest this would work for all, just that it has and does for us. We are fortunate to have trust.

Occasionally, all it takes is just a little concealed money to serve as the monkey wrench that ruins a happy marriage. Personal property that isn't shared in a partnership isn't a trouble sign in and of itself, but when large amounts of cash begin to disappear, you should take notice. Here are a few things experts advise you to watch if you believe that your spouse is hiding cash. Article resource: <a href="https://personalmoneynetwork.com/payday-loans/">bad credit online multi payment loans</a>

I often utter three little words to DH but I don't think they are the same ones you are thinking of gramps

It's worked for you all these years, gramps, so it must be good advice!

I met my wife in 1952: on holiday in Clacton, Butlins holiday camp.
Friends said that a holiday romance would never last, but we have been happily married 57 years last July.
We have been through a lot of problems with family and health wise. We still love each other as much as when we first met. We tell young people that marriage is like a business you have to work at it to make it succeed.
Tolerance is required, give and take on both sides.
Always make peace before going to bed after a row. At least one hug or cuddle a day, plus a kiss.
Don't take each other for granted, as can happen frequently.
And of course this important thing, say those "three little words" regularly!
Love is like a delicate machine, it needs attention and affection to oil the wheels!

We are all different, as has has been pointed out, so what I have written is really a generalisation.

Or even put it like that Ana !

Yes I suppose I have, if you out it like that Ana

I don't feel I have anything I can contribute to this particular thread without putting the mockers on it.

Hooverthedog - my mum used to do that!

You've proved the 'third time lucky' rule as well, gillybob!

I am probably not a good person to ask as husband number one bu**ered off and left me with a young baby, husband number two died young and now onto number three ! Mind you he is the love of my life and we have been together for 20 years now. They say good things come to those who try other things first wait.

Hooverthedog what a fabulous name! Are you a new Gransnetter? I feel sure I would have homed in on your name if I'd seen it before. Welcome!

BAnana agree about not undermining each other in public. DH did this a couple of times but won't do it again"

Disagree about separate bank accounts as we only have one and it works for us. We don't need to discuss who pays for what, it all comes out the same acount so nothing to argue about there. No problem when one earned more than the other as all the money was pooled. I didn't feel that I was of less value when a full time housewife and mother because I didn't have my own money. I do think that one of you has to be responsible for the money but see that as no different from the one who is responsible for the ironing. If either of us wants to spend a large amount of money we discuss with the other but apart from that just do as we like. We are both quite thrifty by nature so it works for us. Each to his/her own I suppose