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accusing us of stealing

(14 Posts)
charliefergus Wed 30-Jan-13 16:20:58

Dont know how to handle the situation where my mother in law is accusing us of stealing from her,now started accusing her nephew too,called the police in the night to say he was breaking in to her house.she can not remember any of that the next day. social services are involved but never keep us informed,or return our calls. my husband is her only child but nephew seems to be taking over.

Anne58 Wed 30-Jan-13 16:48:33

Hello charliefergus and welcome, if you are a new member.

Not sure what to advise without knowing more about the situation. Is your MIL suffering from dementia? Has anyone got power of attorney? Who is designated next of kin with regard to social services etc?

ninathenana Wed 30-Jan-13 16:55:18

Has it been suggested at any time that M.I.L. has some form of dementia ? Very sorry if I'm upsetting you by asking.
I'm part of a forum for carers. This is something that is often mentioned on the forum and seems to be a fairly common problem.
Sad to say I think it's a case of "grin n bare it" My mum has accused me of all sorts in the past.

kittylester Wed 30-Jan-13 17:00:45

It sounds like dementia to me too. Has she had a diagnosis?

Dresden Wed 30-Jan-13 17:17:26

Hi charliefergus, your MIL sounds just like my own late MIL. She told the police her DS2, my BIL, had been involved in several robberies. Of course he hadn't done them; one took place 200 miles away from where he lived, it was just something she read about in the newspaper. She went on to accuse him of stealing loads of her clothes etc, all ridiculous things.

She was never diagnosed with dementia, but she was obviously not coping well with living alone and had become a bit paranoid, I think. She eventually went into a care home where she was very happy, though she was still convinced that her DS2 was a criminal.

harrigran Wed 30-Jan-13 21:09:41

I am afraid most of these comments are correct. As a nurse, working with dementia patients, I spent a lot of time looking for stolen items which probably had not been in the hospital anyway. Nighttime seems to trigger unrational thoughts, rising at 4am to get the dinner started and so on. I know of one person who thought the neighbour was breaking in and trying to murder her, how distressing for the poor innocent man.

POGS Wed 30-Jan-13 22:46:51


I agree with all other comments but can I throw another possibility into the mix.

My MIL went the same way showing signs of dimentia, also making accusations of theft and trying to say we were trying to 'Get hold of her bungalow'. It was very distressing and I fully understand where you are coming from.

She was on a visit to my SIL and she found her walking about naked and found marmalade sandwiches in her handbag. She asked us to fetch her and it was quite obvious things had gotten worse, quite quickly.

She was sadly taken by ambulance to hospital as she was basically going mad. It was a terrible time but the outcome was she had a severe WATER INFECTION and after a few difficult weeks recovered fully. Now I am not trying to make light of this problem but has she been checked 'properly' by the doctor or mental health experts yet. It does sound as though you need to make all the right moves not only for yourself but for your mum as well.


soop Thu 31-Jan-13 13:35:30

Good advice, POGS

Movedalot Thu 31-Jan-13 13:49:59

I think this is quite common but don't know how to deal with it. An aunt said at FiLs funeral that he had died owing her money he had borrowed from her. He would never have borrowed money from anyone, far too proud and although not well off did not need to.

I think you should get professional help and not worry about the police, they will have seen this many times.

Gagagran Thu 31-Jan-13 14:03:58

We were once knocked up by the police in the middle of the night because the dear old lady next door had phoned them to say that "Uncle Joe" was dead in his bed. They had to attend apparently (in case it was true presumably) but couldn't get her to open the door as her husband had locked all the doors and removed the keys as she was prone to wander and get lost. She had been passing tin openers and sundry other kitchen utensils through the letter box to them. We didn't have a key but were able to direct them to a neighbour who did have.I

In the end she had to be taken into care as her poor old husband just couldn't cope any longer.

My own Mum had vascular dementia and didn't know who I was in her last months. She didn't remember my Dad, to whom she had been married for 70 years. She thought I was the nurse who put drops in her eyes. It was very sad for us, her family, but she seemed happy in her little far-away world.

Eloethan Thu 21-Feb-13 22:03:03

How upsetting for you. As other people have said, this could well be a sign of dementia, and I also agree with POGS that it could be a urinary infection.

As Movedalot says, I'm sure the police are familiar with this sort of situation.

Anne58 Thu 21-Feb-13 22:08:25

Another case of someone doing an OP asking about something and then disappearing.

I do wish they wouldn't do that. sad

glammanana Fri 22-Feb-13 10:16:50

phoenix I wonder if they are all lurking about in syber space somewhere ? we do seem to have had quite a few over the past couple of months.confused

kittylester Fri 22-Feb-13 10:26:56

I find it confused that we get an OP, who never returns, and then someone else resurrects an old thread, I've forgotten about it, open it with enthusiasm and find it should really have been left to disappear.

On topic though, we recently bought Mum a Ewbank to keep in her room for her to use if she feels like it. She wanted to call the police because it had been stolen. Actually, the staff had moved it from by her chair to the corner of the room so she didn't trip over it. On another occasion she wanted us to call the police because the home manager had stolen a wardrobe full of clothes!