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am I being selfish....

(21 Posts)
Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 03:24:18

Due to ill health I have been unable to go to my beloved Skomer Island to work as a volunteer warden, I have been offered a week in June from 1st -8th. DH is happy with this as we are caravanning in Wales around that time. The thing is I am to be my DD birth partner on the 10th July, a month after we get back from Wales. She is a lovely girl and I was there for the very traumatic birth of her last baby. I will be there but wonder whether I should forgo my volunteering work even though it is a month before the baby is born....... confused PS we were due back from Wales on the 31st May it will just be a week later confused

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 03:26:41

Re above first sentence should read: Due to ill health over the past two years, I have been unable to go to my beloved Skomer Island to work as a volunteer warden,

Gally Wed 13-Mar-13 04:02:05

Just do what you feel is right. If your DH is happy for you to go, and you want to go, then go - you will still have plenty of time to be with your daughter. It may give you some much needed time on your own, bearing in mind your health probs and you may work so hard and feel so relaxed that you find yourself sleeping properly again. You will certainly need all your energy once you get to your DD in July!

FlicketyB Wed 13-Mar-13 06:38:44

No need for guilt. Your health comes first, your daughter second and then your voluntary work.

If your voluntary work will leave you tired and you will need weeks to recover so that you are not in the best state you can be for the birth of your grandchild when your daughter may need you so much then the voluntary work goes out the window without a second thought.

If you think you can manage both good for you, but I think, acknowledged or not, you know that the voluntary work would be a task too many at this time. But throw guilt out of the window, there is no reason for it.

JessM Wed 13-Mar-13 06:55:32

And indeed the week on Skomer may invigorate you. Sounds fantastic.
I was an antenatal teacher for 14 years - babies are very rarely 3 -4 weeks early unless there are warning signs like previous prem birth, or medical problems in pregnancy. Sounds like you have planned your holiday well and extending it for a week is no big deal.

Butty Wed 13-Mar-13 08:08:28

Flower, Flickety's opening post makes a great deal of sense.

The past couple of years for you have been very tough, and it looks as if your plans for the next 6 months are already causing you concern. As others have said, sleep is a great healer so making sure you get enough of that is your first priority. I think you're running on empty - understandably so. You'll be no good to yourself or anyone else if you let yourself slip into anxiety and depression.

Take care. [flowers)

Movedalot Wed 13-Mar-13 08:48:11

Flower I don't know your history but from the sound of it you have had a lot to deal with. How far away from Skomer is your DD? Would you be able to drop everything and go if you were needed? My view is clouded by my own experience that we had planned a holiday in Thailand that was cancelled, it we had gone we would have missed the birth of our GS because he arrived 5 weeks early which was completely unexpected.

Imo you hsould do what you want to do. We have surely earned it by the time we reach grandparenthood.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 11:45:44

Nope voluntary work will fire me up. Its fresh air, walking and - my health is fine now its two years since kidney cancer. My other kidney is fine. I know that mentally my health will fly if I have a week on Skomer. My daughter needs me for the birth which is around 10th July so I have almost 5 weeks nearby. I am sure that is long enough ahead. What do others think?

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 11:47:03

\Yes Jess we have already cancelled a holiday in the Outer Hebrides due to baby coming. Her partner just cannot cope with anything medical at all so I have to be there.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 11:48:50

Butty I know that the Skomer volunteer break with be good for my spirits and I do sleep very very well when on the island.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 11:51:34

maybe I didn't explain clearly, My ill health was 2 years ago I am fine now its just that I had to cancel Skomer vol holiday due to this and Brian being unwell last year. We are both fine now.

My main concern was being around for birth partner for my daughter. It is 5 weeks between us coming home and the due date

Mishap Wed 13-Mar-13 11:58:47

Go and enjoy! It is very unlikely that the birth will be that early; and if it is you can drop everything and head off - I am sure that everyone would understand.

I love Skomer. I have the most beautiful photo of 2 of my DDs when they were small sitting on the grassy path with a cloud of bluebells behind them and bright blue sky - magic! But it cannot capture the wonderful scent,

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 12:02:08

Just spoke to my DD and she is very happy for me to go. Phew! If worse comes to the worse and she goes in to extremely early labour then her DS can step in. My other daughter is a wonderful girl and will do a sirling job.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 12:04:06

Mishap. I have been volunteering as a residential volunteer warden for almost years now but not for the last two - had to cancel. I love the work, its inspiring, healthy and fun. I am lucky to have got a cancellation offered to me today as I wasn't even considering going this year. It is so hard to get on as it is so popular. and Yes the bluebells are wonderful.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 15:32:59

Have booked now, thanks for all advice and for listening to me xx

JessM Wed 13-Mar-13 17:54:03


Nelliemoser Wed 13-Mar-13 18:04:35

Good for you flower I need my special me holidays as well.

Grindos Wed 13-Mar-13 18:44:07

I also hope you have a great time on Skomer, Flower. Gransnet is great for airing worries and receiving sensible advice. Hope all goes well with delivery of your new grandchild, what a very special bond you will have with him/her, and your DD of course.

Flowerofthewest Wed 13-Mar-13 21:49:02

have a wonderful bond with her last baby (her first) love all my GC very very much but there is a bond with this one as I was there through a very very traumatic 45 hour birth

Jadey Wed 13-Mar-13 22:39:06

Flower What is it they say, oh yes, charity should begin at home, you have done voluntary work and so why would you feel guilty, at least you have already been a volunteer, many people have never.

Enjoy your summer and being a birth partner and just for this year make it about you and what you want because your life is also precious x

Flowerofthewest Wed 27-Mar-13 23:16:47

smile Jadey and flowers