grandparents drinking

I think if your DH insists on taking DD to stay with his parents, you must tell him that you are going to stay too. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I never allowed her to be alone with my children or grandchildren. The risk is just too great!
I hope you reach a satisfactory decision.

Well done joolsangel. Your concerns are real, and if they behave like that....well, they will just have to come to terms with the fact that they are a couple of drunkards.

There are several Gransnetters on here who can speak with some authority about child protection, alcohol abuse and your responsibility as parents to ensure your child isn't placed at risk.

Why should you collude with them? Your husband should find out more about his responsibilities as a parent and congratulate you for what you have done.

Oh dear - I do sympathise with this situation. When my 3 DDs were little my MIL took to the bottle. She would insist on coming to the village shop with me and buying me a present of a bottle of sherry - she knew that I did not drink alcohol.

When she was staying I used to find bottles of sherry in hidden places like the airing cupboard.

My biggest concern was that she was also a smoker and, when she was staying, I would not sleep at night till I had looked in to make sure she was asleep and unlikely to set fire to the bedclothes in a drunken stupour.

We NEVER allowed our children to stay with her and FIL for the very reason that we couod not be certain of the children's safety.

So.....I think you have to stick to your guns; but what a very difficult situation for you that your OH is not backing you up. I can understand that he is in a difficult position and somewhat torn, but your DD's safety has to be your top priority. I suppose that the line to take with your OH is that alcoholism is an illness and that you both need to pull together to try and help them; but not at the expense of your DD's safety. I can understand that you are a Mum fighting for your child and that does tend to bring out the tiger in us all - but trying to keep the discussion on an objective footing by researching how they might be helped with their alcoholism might perhaps assist in keeping relations with your OH on an even keel.

We got round it by inviting them to stay with us where we were on the premises and able to keep an eye on what was going on.

I do wish you good luck with this problem.

Well Nonu clearly he's not!! Read the posts

Surely though your husband be taking a more pro-active role , in all this ?

You are absolutely right to stick to your guns, joolsangel. We had a similar dilemma after my father died and my mother re-married. He seemed like a nice, caring man to begin with but after a year or so we realised his drinking was way out of hand and my mother, not a heavy drinker herself, chose to turn a blind eye.

One evening he picked our son up from Cubs (without our permission) and drove into a ditch. Fortunately DS was not hurt and was able to run home as the 'accident' happened just up the road from our house. From then on we refused to let them have the children to stay and if they visited us we picked them up and drove them home. I felt sorry for my mother because her husband was excluded from all family occasions other than at our house so I ended up hosting endless get-togethers so she could see the rest of the family.

I never doubted we were doing the right thing. It often caused a lot of bad feeling but you cannot put children at risk. You DH will have to realise it is better to be safe than sorry.

If he insists he is going to take her then you have no alternative other than to say the minute he leaves the house with her you will ring social services child protection in your in laws area and then do so.

thank you for your advice. unfortunately I am right about the quantity they drink. they have hidden the bottle from us too and never denied it. I understand my husband is torn between his parents but I feel strongly he should be concerned about his DDs safety and wellbeing. we know he hit a raw nerve when he spoke to them and when he did he did say it was more me than him who was concerned. I told him to tell them they could come and stay with us for a few days to see our dd but they don't want to come to our house. im terrified she drops my daughter down the stairs or is unable to make a good decision should she be ill or if she spills a pan of hot water or something from the cooker over her as she drinks from 5pm every night. each glass is a half pint tumbler filled 3/4 full with vodka then a dash of coke. when she called me since my dh spoke to them she started by saying that her husband is angry with me as I have called them a couple of drunkards and I don't want to get him angry. I told her I was totally livid that they are irresponsible to drink heavily when they have her and it is my wish as her mother that I don't want anyone looking after my dd when they are drinking heavily. I then said that I am absolutely under no circumstances afraid of her husband and I will tell him so. Ive just got to keep digging my heels in but I do know my dh intends to take our dd to their house for a few days soon. im going to be worried sick. many thanks once again for your advice.

Stand your ground. You are right, they ( DH and in laws) are wrong.
If you give in to them and God forbid that something happens, you will live with that guilt all your life.
Your child comes before all of them.

I agree with you, joolsangel. This is alcoholism if they are so dependent on drinking excessively and can't put the child first. I would be concerned about them falling asleep or falling with the child, who is being put at risk.

I won't even drink hot tea with a young child on my knee, and I never have alcohol if I am taking care of a child. Too many things can go wrong. There is an offence called 'being drunk in charge of a child.' They need to moderate their drinking and confine it to when the child is not in their care.

As long as you are sure it is true about the amount that is being drunk, then you are absolutely right to do what you are doing. It is hard for your husband but the simple worst case scenario is dead or injured daughter vs fractured family relationships - no contest. You are in an awful situation and I think you are being really brave - I hope you will get support from your husband. Obviously you can offer them a visit to you so that they can see their dgd

Seems there is a big problem , you are right they should not be drinking when they have the child . I believe I am on your side .

What the solution is , I do not know . All I can say is Good luck . {smile]