After the Funeral - what comes next?

suzied so sorry for the loss of your niece. For me, reading is very therapeutic, and although people (even family) will sometimes say to me, 'why would you want to read something sad at a time like this', books like Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" is an amazing piece of therapeutic writing, she lost her beloved husband her daughter in a very short space of time. As for reading sad stuff, I know when I've had enough, and I turn my attention elsewhere. But if a book has moved me, I will re-read it.

The pain of losing someone you love gets less piercing over time, more muted, but I don't think that it will ever go away.

No one gets over the loss of a dear one. My mother died aged 46 years old in 1969. A day never goes by that I don't think of her. Now I can think of her without being in floods of tears, I've learnt to handle it better. Time is how we get on with our lives without the people we have loved and died.

Kind, wise advice from everyone ^^ , empathy and good wishes from me suzied

Give yourself time, don't have unrealistic expectations of'getting over' -you will all hopefully one day live in a new reality that will be bearable. Lots of wise words above - just cry when you need to, talk about her often and be kind to each other and yourself. Life will never be the same again but it can still be a good life, just different if not the one anyone would have chosen.

I am afraid I agree with Gagagran's middle paragraph Suzied, there is no 'getting over.....', hopefully you will be able to talk of, and remember, the good times. The death of a child must be the worst thing imaginable. Whilst you hope to stay strong for your sister's sake, you need to allow yourself time to grieve as well; it is not weak to cry.

Dealing with this must give you the most unimaginable pain but do remember there are many listening ears on here when you need them (((hugs)))

The funeral arrangements sound lovely, Suzie and so good that the children could be involved.

There's a 'what comes next' air of sadness in my family after my nephew died last year. He was in his thirties, but the sense of helplessness and loss from unexpected death was shocking and I don't know how you ever get over it, only come to terms with it. His mum, dad and siblings have done several things to keep his memory alive, and the latest one is a beautiful tree to be planted in his favourite place. We laugh about things he did, or would have done, wonder about why he went, and make positive efforts to bring him into general conversation because he was such a big part of our lives.

Things like mementoes for a memory box, a little garden with a place to sit and enjoy the peace, have helped my family. I'm sure others would say their religion helps them. My BiL has started going to church since my sister died, and he says it comforts him. Other people want to fundraise in the name of the loved one they have lost.

Don't feel you have to be strong all the time. You are grieving, too, and you can be just as helpful to your sister when crying with her and showing her how much your niece's death has affected you. Grief can be such a lonely thing, but sharing it with her can only help

Oh Suzie my heart goes out to you and your sister and family at this awful loss you have all suffered. My cousin lost her 12 year old son - he died of an asthma attack in her arms - some 25 years ago and she has never been the same since. Her hair turned white, if not actually overnight certainly within a few weeks. So I do appreciate what you are all suffering.

There is no "getting over" the loss of a child. You just have to endure and gradually get accustomed to the loss but the pain and sadness, I am afraid, will always be there below the surface.

I send you best wishes and strength to cope with what has to be coped with and hope that you can all remember your lovely girl with joy and thankfulness that she was in your lives.