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grannies shouldn't need to worry so much

(147 Posts)
weedswoman Tue 06-Aug-13 11:15:58

Talking to other grannies, it was clear that our worries are much the same. I have started blogging on grannies who meditate and this is today's blog which is about the way to minimise worry

absent Tue 06-Aug-13 22:07:24

My experience of postings on gransnet makes me disagree strongly with your premise weedswoman. Some members worry a lot while others hardly ever worry at all. The cause of worries varies immensely and common sense indicates that worries will vary with individual situations; e.g. having a disabled grandchild, having insufficient funds, having an ill partner; being made redundant; living a long way away from the family, etc.

Galen Tue 06-Aug-13 22:23:29

Absent couldn't have put it better myself[smile\

Galen Tue 06-Aug-13 22:23:49

smile fat finger!

gracesmum Tue 06-Aug-13 23:06:13

It may be a cliche, but you are never happier than your unhappiest child. Reading posts on GN has made me realise that there are a lot of problems out there (and maybe here) - yes we worry, but it is because we care. Sharing our worries and fears can really help.

absent Tue 06-Aug-13 23:15:50

gracesmum I agree about sharing worries and fears being helpful. However, I would make a distinction between being concerned and worrying. I think the latter involves genuine anxiety but is often about non-existent potential problems.

Certainly, even during the eyes pinging open at 3 am worry fest in which I have been known to indulge, I have never worried about my grandchildren's names. Equally, I should have thought baby boomers are not that likely to worry about grown-up grandchildren living with their boyfriends/girlfriends unless there is some other reason for anxiety such as criminal activity. After all many of us lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend ourselves and many of our children did the same.

gracesmum Tue 06-Aug-13 23:42:40

I should have read the blog first!!! But seriously I think there are much more worrying things than their names! I can recognise the distinction between caring and worrying - but my worrywart alter ego finds it harder.

nightowl Wed 07-Aug-13 00:38:36

I don't really understand the blog. I don't think all grannies value the same things. I don't think that William and Kate are the ideal family model as their lifestyle has no relevance to mine or my family's. I don't think that only grannies who stay with the same grandpa can offer their grandchildren a secure role model. I think that we are all different and that we can offer our grandchildren a multitude of examples of how to live life, stay strong, and above all to love those close to us. Worry comes with the territory but I wouldn't waste my time worrying about my grand children's names.

janeainsworth Wed 07-Aug-13 06:37:52

I don't think of myself as a 'granny' (apologies to all those GNers who use this form of address) and I'm afraid the plural of the word conjures up even more negative imagesgrin

JessM Wed 07-Aug-13 07:04:55

Thought provoking, gracesmum your comment.
Well said absent.
It is true I suppose that many grandparents worry about trivia, or things that may never happen.
My mother was a worrier - if there had been a national team for worrying, she'd have been on it. She said to someone, not long before she died "I have wasted half of my life worrying about things that never happened." It is hard when you have a mother like that, and children with significant problems (not trivia as mentioned in blogs) to find a way to be, if not happy, calm and philosophical. And just when I think I am getting the knack, life throws in another unforeseen challenge.

FlicketyB Wed 07-Aug-13 07:15:54

Am I the only person who objects strongly to older women being described as 'grannies'? I do not mean the term being used within families by GC for their GM but the term being used as a generic. Like describing all women between 20 and 50 as 'mummies' regardless or whether they are or not.

When these words are used as generics it is always in a pejorative and dismissive way. Funny how older men are never described dismissively as 'grampies'

LizG Wed 07-Aug-13 07:31:24

I am with you on this FlicketyB. I am no more everyone's granny than I a 'guy'.

Sadly we Don't come with a 'worry on/off button' and worrying comes with the territory. Some of my worries these days see unbearable but I try not to always let them show.

Gorki Wed 07-Aug-13 07:36:49

I'm glad I'm a "Gorki".grin

I think we worry because we often can't do anything because of the risk of being considered interfering.

whenim64 Wed 07-Aug-13 07:38:10

I find it difficult to identfy with the author of his blog. I used to meditate, but since retiring don't feel the need any more. The old-fashioned references make me think of someone of another generation long gone. 'Grannies' as a generic term for grandmothers? Sounds negative.

Sewsilver Wed 07-Aug-13 07:48:05

I wonder if it was written in the 1950's?

Gagagran Wed 07-Aug-13 07:59:33

Well I like being a "Granny"! To me it sounds warm and comforting and I try to be that to my four DGC. To me it's a traditional name rather than old-fashioned and I resent it being used pejoratively to denigrate, especially in the media.

I agree about not being a "guy" though - definitely do not like that even though it is in common usage in shops and restaurants etc.

whenim64 Wed 07-Aug-13 08:07:50

Yes, I like being a granny, too. Don't appreciate being dismissed as a social group in the plural, though. The name should have more positive connotations.

LizG Wed 07-Aug-13 08:11:08

Don't get me wrong Gagagran I think the name of Granny is special and lovely but I get irritated when I am referred to by someone who doesn't know me as 'granny' or as part of a group of 'grannies'. The name chosen by our GG (gorgeous grandchildren)is VERY special.

JessM Wed 07-Aug-13 08:13:16

I think "grandad" can be used pejoratively flicketyb but grannies can be loaded with a double dose - agism and sexism . in some cultures older people are respected and venerated, but in our youth-worshipping culture the opposite is true.

PRINTMISS Wed 07-Aug-13 08:17:59

I think everyone worries, it is a fact of life, almost to the extent that if we don't worry, we probably don't have a life, and what's trivia to one is important to another. My mum was like yours JessM, but had an interest in everything. As for names, I am not bothered, but have always been called Grandma,(and Grandad) by our grand-children, and our children always called our parents Grandma or Grandad.

Elegran Wed 07-Aug-13 08:22:46

Not everyone meditates, either, so the danger of letting worries creep into our meditation only apples to those of us who do. It is not always possible to stick to one grandpa - sometimes grandpa is completely absent from the equation.

I agee with other posters, it is a bit one-size-fits-all focus-on-me cosy.

If there is something seriously amiss in the family, then of course grandparents will worry. Small inconveniences like names are not relevant to real worry. nothing wrong with Phoenix as a name anyway. You should hear what my daughter's brothers-in-law are called (no, I am not going to enlighten you) but they are great guys.

Nelliemoser Wed 07-Aug-13 08:52:08

Just read it. I can see why the use of "grannies" as a generic term is so irritating. The blog seems very condescending to me. Grandparents or Grans would be only marginally better.
To me it's the "ies" suffix that sounds demeaning. How about using "women"!

I am a bit in the mode of gracesmums quote right now.
"It may be a cliche, but you are never happier than your unhappiest child."

and absents "eyes pinging open at 3am worry fest"!
These are very good quotes.

This is all following off hand remarks by Sil to DD yesterday and a phone call to DS at the weekend. And everything else going on, I don't think I am being oversensitive either. I don't know what good meditating would do right now. It might help me think straighter though.

HUNTERF Wed 07-Aug-13 08:58:19

I suppose I am lucky that I have had no real problems with my daughters or granddaughters.

One person has said 58 is a bit young to be a granddad but at least my daughters were married before they became pregnant.

I was glad that the first granddaughter did not come early. She came 9 month and 3 days after the wedding.


petallus Wed 07-Aug-13 09:02:08

Ha! That's nothing Frank. My DD came 9 months and 1 day after the wedding.

And that kind of thing mattered in those days.

Not now though.

whenim64 Wed 07-Aug-13 09:05:01

Your judgemental soundbites are from another age, Frank. Getting married before having babies does not ensure a life free of worry.