Advice

I think you and your son are acting very wisely breeze. It is so important in these situations to try to keep lines of communication open even when you are concerned about what the other party is doing. I'm so glad you found help on this site and wish you all well for the future. I'm sure your grandchildren know how much they are loved

Good luck. Please let us know the diagnosis. You can PM me if you don't want to make it public

They are indeed fortunate to have you, Breeze and I hope that your plans all work out. Keep us up to date!

I'm glad you came to us, breeze. There is so much experience and expertise on the site that there's always sure to be someone who can help. You and your son are on the right track now and I hope you will come back and tell us how things are going with your DGC. They are fortunate to have you.

Good luck breeze I do hope you get some help for these children, and some peace of mind for you and your son.

breeze for you and those you love.

Little update. Spoke to my son last night and he would firstly like to thank you all for your very valuable advice and info yesterday. He rang our GP last night and has arranged to go there to fill out forms to have the children registered there, as well as remaining at their existing GP. It makes sense anyway, incase they need medical attention whilst staying with us. Then he is going to book a day off to take the eldest for a checkup. We can get the sores checked out and discuss her speech problems.

We have decided, whilst a bit confusing for the girls, we will keep fresh clothes here for when they stay. And only send the laundered ones back and a few new ones occasionally, as although my son pays maintenance, as a Nana, I would want to treat them regardless.

Then we will monitor how they are thriving and if we are still concerned, we will arrange for a HV to go to the house and speak to the mother. I think rather than jump in with both feet, causing a lot of bad feeling, upheaval and maybe a court case (which we would do should things get worse of course), this more softly gently approach is the way forward.

I think the most valuable thing we learned yesterday, is he has rights. So now, armed with that information, at least if things are not being done properly, he won't be so frightened to confront her and insist she acts. And if she threatens to stop contact, he will be able to stand up to her.

Thankyou so much all.

Agree Penstemmon, that distance along with trust in a well established charity is why so many people see it as the obvious place to go when worried about children. They do some great assessment and therapeutic work, and so their focus is not on initial investigations currently.
Identifying your relationship with the children you are expressing concern about it never easy. Though I understand why some people prefer to remain anonymous, it is sometimes more difficult to investigate them.
I meant to say thanks for your suggestion about nursery and 2 year old funding. Many Sure Start Centres are part of a family centre, which provide very good support for parents. 2 year funded and nursery places may be available on the same site.
it sounds as though these children would benefit from involvement. Speech delay alongside neglect is a worry isn't it.

Sorry Iam64 did not realise that NSPCC no longer did that. However still keeps it a bit more distanced than calling SS direct if worried about being identified.

Breeze, a word of support for the suggestions made by When about the GP and a phone call to Social Services. The hospital will have established how this calpol incident occurred and may have contacted Social Services.
The NSPCC don't investigate any more. If they are informed of concern for children, they make a careful note, check their own records, and fax a referral to the local social work team.
I do feel for you, at this is a stressful time, and I hope you and your son can keep talking positively as you are doing. Would it to make a list together about what you want to get over when you speak to social services.

What a difficult situation to be managing! I would say that the hospital should have contacted the GP re the Calpol incident and that should 'red flag' the children for the HV to monitor. However given that systems do not always work there may be a gap in communication.

It is always possible to contact NSPCC to report concerns anonymously and they will investigate.

The 3 yr old is entitled to 15 hours free nursery access and I think your son should try to get this to happen. Free hours are also available for some two yr olds and it sound as if the children could be eligible. Your son or you could inquire at the local Children's Centre. There may also be a family support worker there that your son could talk to confidentially.

Also..I might have missed this information when skimming the posts, but is your son paying maintenance as a result of assessment by CSA (or whetever its current name is)? If not then it is vitally important to get the payments on some sort of legal basis. Eg a letter from a solicitor saying this is the agreement etc. so that the mum cannot claim she has not had support and claim arrears in the future.

Sorry to put the cat among the pigeons here but although the courts 4 x decreed that my son should see his children the mother still did not comply. Nothing was done, she has completely poisoned the children (especially his beloved daughter) against him. The daughter says she hates him and he has not seen either children for 5 years now.

He has been through the family courts many times as I have said.

I think that the GP course is a good one. The mother seems unable to cope or care. The fathers may have rights but they are very difficult to put into practice. It is so sad. I wish you all the best and hope that things work out for you all.

Nightowl is right if your sons name is on the children's birth certificate then he does have parental rights with the mother. Times have changed. Fathers have as many rights as the mother and the family courts ensure that the children's interest come first. That means that children have contact with both parents. I think seeing a G.P is a sensible idea. G.P have close links with Health Visitors who would be able to ask for a home visit. The H.V will assess the children's home life and refer on as necessary. Hopefully just putting a plan for the mother to follow will be all that is needed. However I do think there's a chance the mother will put two & two together and you need to be ready for the fall out. Your son would need to face up to her threats telling her in no uncertain terms that he knows his rights and she will not be able to stop him seeing the children. Perhaps if she knows that he is willing to go to the family courts she will see sense and they will come to an amicable agreement. I understand how terrified you must feel. You don't want to rock the boat but Breeze the boat is swaying wildly already. Rosequart's advice is really good and would save you money. You sound the most wonderful gran. Your love for them shines through your posts. Your family will be a positive influence on them. Good luck and a great big hug. What is happening to you is most grandparents worse nightmare your doing great

But isn't scabies highly contagious? You'd think the other sibling would have it as well.

Blisters!

Little blighters?

Blisters! Fat finger

Scabies can present as little bliters

breeze it must be so heartbreaking for you and I feel for you and your son and grandchildren. The NSPCC website cites neglect as a form of abuse, and tries to give some definitions of what constitutes neglect. One of them is failing to provide access to medical treatment. It's worth having a look at their site. Hope things work out for you all.

Write down what happens, too - keep a log, if you can. And keep any evidence like texts and anything else.

Ah, anno you got in first. I was going to suggest this as I had occasion to take pictures of flea bites when my kids were with their dad.......

Hope you can improve things, breeze.

Could you take a picture of the sores in case it proves inconvenient or impossible to take the child to your GP?

breeze I cannot clear my mind of concern for the welfare of your dear grandchildren. Please, for their sakes, do not put off seeking guidance/assistance any longer. We are all rooting for you, your son and those innocent wee children.

Sorry, galen. This tab keeps freezing so am not reading everything.

I've suggested that already.