It's been over 25 years of empty promises, saying they would come and see me/us but nothing. Telling me to "pull myself together" when I went through a bad depression and no coming to see me. Years of promises to the children as they grew up with no intentions of going through with it and disappointing them by not turning up. I've lived here nearly 18 months now, my sister passes my house to go and see my mother but never has called in, even after promising to. I got no support at all when my son when through his depression, months of me not knowing what to find when I got back home, him staying in his room not speaking or expressing himself because he was so low. I needed help. He needed help. Nothing. The only time they want me is when they have a problem. My brother is out there "putting his seed about as far and wide as he can" (his words for what men are supposed to be doing) and my sister is out still partying, never stopped. My mother is an alcoholic. She has brainwashed my sister. Sitting at the side of my dying dad she said that my beloved Auntie must have been a lesbian because my mum said so and my sister must have "got it from somewhere". My Auntie was happily married for many years. . . to my Uncle. But being gone, she can't answer for herself and would be horrified with that accussation. My sister was also recalling bad times between her and my dad while sitting at his bedside. Could he still hear her, who knows? I told them in October he was diagnosed with cancer and some time ago that he had dementia so they had plenty of time to see him but no, they have crawled out of the woodwork this last fortnight, only when he was on his deathbed. They keep wanting to go into his flat to find things of value, he has nothing of value.
As some will know, my health has deteriorated over the last couple of years. I can hardly get around the house most days now and I have told them about it. Again nothing. I know when I go for the treatment for these pre cancerous cells that they will be anywhere but with me. I have a heart appointment very soon and will be on my own. My brother came with me to have a monitor put on, had to have it on for a week, he had me sit in the car back at home while he spouted off about his problems for ages, me with the monitor just on, wanting to just be home but feeling like a prisoner in his car. A very oppressive person.
They manipulate and make me feel inferior all the time. And yet I'm the one who has been a single parent, hopefully got both children to university, kept a roof over their heads and food on the table. My brother has two sons, he teaches them to put their seed about too. He has had them part time since his divorce when they were very small, they live with their mum and stepdad so three parents there. My sister has none.
I have to get the negative people out of my life, the ones who don't care about me. My health has to get better or I don't know what I will do. In order to do this I have to do it on my own once and for all. Like I always have but thought I had a family to depend on.