should we be teaching our grandchildren manners

Anyone remember 'Can I leave the table?'

I was at a friend's house on Tues for lunch. Her 10 year old twin nieces were there and they asked if they could leave the table! Was gobsmacked!

I agree basic standards when it comes to manners seem to be dwindling. OK if other grandma is ok with GC (or anybody) just walking in to her house, well that fine, but when it comes to saying please/thanks, somehow I think that should be an unwritten rule that applies everywhere you go if you are given something or ask for something. DGD is just 1 but whenever she gives me something I say "Ta", so she knows I'm thankful for the grotty bit of half chewed cardboard that she has lovingly presented me with. just to start reinforcing the please/thanks thing.

I'm with Cherrytree59 on this. Thankfully my family all agree with me. In fact I have just picked my 5 year old granddaughter up for not saying thank you to someone. I agree with the saying "manners make the man/woman".

The world has moved on so some of the 'rules' we abided by have gone out the window and probably a good thing. However with my DGCs I am firm about some basic rules, I don't expect them to knock on my door or wait to be asked to be seated, but I do encourage them to knock on other people's doors and wait to be asked in, please and thank you essential, washing hands before meals, 'bon appetit' before starting to eat, asking to leave the table. just to sweeten the pill I often jokingly say 'when the millionaire asks you out to dinner' or 'when you take a millionaires daughter out to dinner'. Gets giggles or how will I meet a millionaire, but the message gets home.

I'm with Anniebach on this one. Our house is simply an extension of their own home, which is what we wanted it to be. Shoes come off on arrival, coats are hung up and please and thank you are expected and received, as they would be in their own home (fortunately). I think the old adage, "Children should be seen and not heard" no longer applies and for the most part I think that's a good thing.

This morning my manners good typing not so good. Apologies

I think you have to be flexible, because your rules are tight you can't expect everyone to be the same Children do remember very easily what happens at each place They may go to a restaurant that has lots of knives and forks to work their way round they may go to a cafe that doesn't even have a menu they adjust so much easier than adults
You really can't expect your grandkids to wait to be told to sit down then wait to be told to take their coats off that really is from another era, and as you asked if it's old fashioned, yes it really is, I was taught to never wash my hair when I had a period it's laughable now
If you want your grandkids to act like that in your house that is totally up to you but you really must allow the kids to act as the other Nsn wants in her house
I have to say I have given my young teen grandkids a key to my house and they still ring the bell haha but they do flop in, legs everywhere, and make themselves totally at home. I don't expect them to ask for drinks or biscuits although they always do but I d be perfectly happy for them to treat my house as if it was their own home and get their own

ethel'I agree with you that manners are important and should be taught a young age.
My DS1 has been having speech therapy (he is doing very well!)
On a visit from the speech therapist my daughter told my DGS to say 'please' (he says 'peese) when he pointed to a toy that the SP was holding and he wanted to play with
It.
The speech therapist said there was no need to worry about manners at the moment.
My DD said without thinking
'What will your gran say!
My DGS said 'Peese'.

I'm very hot on Manners
I was brought with 'Manners maketh the Man'
One of my first books as I child was a simple book with pictures of animals.
it had a giraffe on the front and the title was Manners!
I have raised my children to use manners and when I'm looking after my DGC insist on manners.
1st word mumma
2nd word dadda
3rd word Ta.
Manners is about respect for others and their property.

I'm a bit mixed over this. Yes to washing hands before meals until they're old enough for me to assume they keep their fingers out of their noses etc. Yes to knocking on bedroom and bathroom doors. At the moment I'm trying to stop feet on seats only bottoms with small DGS

Anyone remember 'Can I leave the table?'
I can't imagine children asking that now, but perhaps they should?

Have to agree with you Anniebach My three burst through the door and dive bomb onto my sofa!

Mind you, I think children follow by example (not that I dive bomb onto anyone's sofa these days. But they always say please and thank you and DGS's (6) latest favourite, "your'e welcome".

They always take their outdoor shoes off as soon as they come in the door as they know there are no shoes allowed in grandmas house.

I am trying to imagine my three grandchildren waiting for me to ask them to be seated , my home is their home .

I think every child should be taught good manners. When they are out in the big ,wide world , they may be judged on them. I often notice the way people hold their cutlery. But I would not mention it as that would be bad manners.

Basics should be taught by parents. Grandparents should keep out of it what ever they think. Of course to an extent -your house your rules. But really you are flogging a dead horse as the greatest influence will and should be Mum and Dad

luckygirl I think that your post is a bit "head in the sand".
Manners should be shown everywhere and its too hard for small children to think certain rules for one house and other rules for another house. This is too confusing for a 3 year old to understand. The other day she had a tantrum because I made her wash her hands before her lunch and she said the other gran doesnt make her wash her hands. So confusing basic rules and manners should be universal.

My DGC are aware that each home they visit has their own rules - they stick with mine here (lots of please and thank you) and I do not enquire what happens elsewhere - it is not my business.