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Have you ever seriously considered suicide?

(113 Posts)

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Nanny23 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:32:01

I know this is a very serious subject fraught with minefields, but would be interested to know if you have ever thought of taking your own life, and what stopped you? I have had an awful year and have often wished I wasn't here, but have a wonderful husband who understands our family issues and keeps me going. Has anyone else got any experiences they would like to share and why they still carry on? Is it fear of death is worse than fear of keep on living, or something more?

Marthjolly1 Thu 04-Oct-18 11:59:15

Nanny23 you are in my thoughts constantly. It's so good to hear the past two days have been a little brighter for you. I wish I could sit with you to just hold your hand until the black cloud passes over.
Anniebach you have dealt with so much pain and sadness, I'm sad for you too as I am with all of you who been brave enough to share your troubles here ??? to all of you.

Franbern Thu 04-Oct-18 10:25:48

Oh, Anniebach, - I know it is a cliche, but time (lots of time), really does help a little. Each day forward is a success, and do try to remember all the wonderful times you had with your daughter. I do hope that you have someone with whom you can talk about her. Think that talking after the death of a very much loved person is so important. When my son died, all I wanted, for several weeks, was to talk about him to people who had known him. Such a shame when people think they should talk about anything else.
Nothing ever takes away the void that is left, but as time goes on, there are even days when the tears are not there.
Not sure if you any other children, Anniebach? Hope you do, or else family members who are close.
The first g.child born after my sons death was named for him (female version of his name), photos of him are on display in all our homes, and all the children born since his death all know about their Uncle G, even though they have never met him. We still talk about him, even laughing at some of his antics - to us he remains very much alive through those memories, but never ages beyond 25 years.

KatyK Thu 04-Oct-18 10:23:03

Life can knock the stuffing out of us. flowers

Anniebach Thu 04-Oct-18 09:14:20

Two babies lost and my husband died in just under five years, over forty years ago, thought I would never know such despair again. So wrong, my adored elder daughter died last November. I think of the title of Caitlin Thomas book after Dylan Thomas died. Left Over Life To Kill.

Much of me died the day my daughter died. Now I exist.

MissAdventure Thu 04-Oct-18 08:31:38

Thank you. Rotten club, you're right.

TwiceAsNice Thu 04-Oct-18 08:21:38

I agree MissAdventure you are part of a club nobody wants to join. Sending you an understanding hug

MissAdventure Thu 04-Oct-18 08:00:14

I can totally agree with you there.
Its so all encompassing, so draining, and so, so bleak.
It feels as if nothing will ever be the same again. (and it isn't)

TwiceAsNice Thu 04-Oct-18 07:57:55

In losing a child the worst thing you fear has already happened

TwiceAsNice Thu 04-Oct-18 07:56:36

I have considered it once after the death of my son. My then husband took the other two children out for a walk and I searched the house for tablets. I remember sitting on the stairs with the few that I had found ( rarely took anything, my mother was addicted to prescribed medication when I was a child) and thinking in my despair that I couldn't even do that right as I knew there weren't enough to kill me. All I remember wanting at the time was to be with him as I was so despairing without him. Looking back at it now I am horrified at the thought of my children coming back and finding me but that wasn't in my mind at the time, too distressed to think. I have had other very bad things happen since but although awful have never been so bad in the same way. Your mind is truly not your own at that point.

Anniebach Wed 03-Oct-18 21:55:47

So pleased you have experienced some good days Nanny23, there will be more x

Nanny23 Wed 03-Oct-18 21:34:57

Agree Annie, neither living nor dying is an easy option when you are in that very dark place. In fact, nothing is easy - getting up, eating, sleeping, all the usual things become much much harder to do.

On a brighter note ladies, I've had two consecutive good days yesterday and today, and feeling quite peaceful tonight. Hope it continues ….. very best wishes to all on this thread, wishing you all peace of mind smile

Anniebach Wed 03-Oct-18 20:26:37

It isn’t the easy way out Sheis1948

Sheis1948 Wed 03-Oct-18 19:46:07

Yes, I did but in the end I always realize that doing the easy way out is not an answer and I will think of the people that I will leave.

Franbern Wed 03-Oct-18 14:38:33

Judy, when someone really wishes to take their own life, it is not selfishness, usually quite the opposite, as they feel that they are doing the very best thing possible for those that they love. It may feel selfish to those loved ones left, but do not continue to make such damning, crass, comments about mental illness.
My youngest son died very tragically and suddenly - now some 16 years ago. A few months later, I can remember crying whilst I was trying to cut the grass and thinking that if I deliberately ran over the wire, perhaps the electric shock would be enough to kill me and take away the pain. Then I thought of my other five children and knew that, no way, could I inflict another trauma onto them.
Some years before that, I had a very bad year, my husband suddenly left me in a rather desperate state, and then I crashed my car. Driving home in a hired car I went over a high bridge, and I can remember thinking that if I wrenched the wheel sharply to the left at speed, I could go through the wall and plummet downwards. My next thought was that the way my luck was running, I would just probably end up terribly injured, but still alive, at the bottom.
Somehow, I have come through it all, and am pleased that I have lived to see my eight g.children all born, and my own children doing well, etc.
Must say, would still like to see the law changed to allow those of us who wished it to be able to choose euthanasia, with obvious appropriate safe guards. Old Age is a terminal illness, and I feel I should have the right to choose how and when to die, in much the same way as I have chosen how to live.

oldbatty Tue 02-Oct-18 14:16:58

Please please do it. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should be feeling so rough.

I know the idea of being on antidepressants doesn't appeal to everybody and yes you will initially get side effects but they do work. They do lift the fog.

Nonnie Tue 02-Oct-18 13:41:05

and if you do what OB says and can't get an appointment straight away call 111, if they say you need to see a doc, then you see one.

oldbatty Tue 02-Oct-18 12:28:29

Nanny, please, please go to your GP. There is no need to be fighting. Help is at hand. It is something wrong with your dopamine and neurotransmitters in your brain. It could happen to anyone. Pick up the phone and make an appointment.

Nonnie Tue 02-Oct-18 12:22:19

Nanny23 several of us have been where you are and have come through one way or another. We each have to find out own way, what works for one doesn't work for another. When it is really tough just keep going for the next hour, just keep on keeping on. It has to get better as it can't get worse, hang on to that.

What happened to the first post I was writing? Hope they don't both appear.

Anniebach Tue 02-Oct-18 12:19:34

Nanny23, difficult I know from experience, but try to take things one day at time . X

Nanny23 Tue 02-Oct-18 11:59:29

I've ordered the book thank you Nonnie. And thanks to everyone for all of your kind and supportive replies. Woke up this morning feeling awful, trying to fight my way through the day.

Nonnie Tue 02-Oct-18 11:05:56

Nanny23 your later post says it for me. The problems are outside your control, yes, that's it. If you are a strong person who has always been able to influence the important things in life it is very hard when you can't do that (and perhaps feel you should?). Dr Tim Cantopher wrote a book about this, Depression the Curse of the Strong, I've mentioned it on other threads. It is not the weak who get ill with depression, it is the strong.

Hang in there Nanny23, we are here for you.

Luckylegs9 Tue 02-Oct-18 06:45:14

When a person commits suicide it is because at that moment they can't see any other way out, the last thing they would ever want is to hurt those they love. It is so cruel to say it's a selfish act, shows complete lack of compassion and understanding for the victim and their families. My heart goes out to anyone affected. Can you imagine hearing that your much loved, wonderful relative or friend being described as selfish because in a moment of despair they took their own life. I think a lot of people fleetingly might think of it but would do nothing. I wish there was more help out there, particularly for youngsters under pressure, for the chronically lonely at any age. Don't judge until you're in their shoes.

Grandma2213 Tue 02-Oct-18 00:38:51

So much sadness on here and I send you all my love. Please let your 'wonderful husband' keep you going Nanny23. Yes I have been there too, no need for details, but it was the thought of my children made me reconsider. Samaritans helped too. I think in my case the anonymity was the key. Talking openly about it is still not an option but I have learned about my own inner strength over the years. May you all seek and find that strength because we do all matter.

Madgran77 Mon 01-Oct-18 21:16:16

Anniebach My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your pain.

oldbatty Mon 01-Oct-18 21:02:47

perhaps if you wish, you could share some of whats going on for you?