Have you ever seriously considered suicide?

Thank you all for your kind supportive messages ladies, they have helped. I'm sorry that there are so many others going through such difficult times too. Nonnie, you were spot on in your earlier post, I don't want to die, I just can't cope with living right now, because of family issues. I'm seeing my GP and a counsellor, and am taking the usual meds, but the issue that is causing the problem is out of my control right now and I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall, nothing I say or do makes it right. Everyone says to give it time, but living every day like this is agony, so telling me to "give it time" is like telling me to "fly to the moon". I just wish I could think straight without this going round and round in my head all the time.

I do wish Nanny23 would come back and tell us how she is. Also that Judy would have a rethink and apologise.

Yes oldbatty it may be hard for some to feel able to open up. DH does try to help but really doesn't understand and sometimes says quite thoughtless things when MH comes up on the news. Never about me though.

Nonnie, you are so right, there are people who think MH issues are somehow fabricated or created by you.

When I say open up, obviously choose your person carefully. It needn't be a massive off loading session. Just say something.

I have suffered with clinical depression on and off since I was a teenager. During my second hospital admission, brought about because none of the anti-depressants I had been taking seemed to work anymore, I was in such mental pain that I decided that if the pain wouldn't go away then ending it all was an option. I did come out the other side and eventually became a Samaritan . I'd been there and knew what other people were going through.
Nanny23 I'm so sorry you feel this way. Please see your GP or ring the Samaritans and talk to someone. There is so much more help available these days and the stigma of depression or of feeling suicidal is far less than it used to be.
I hid the way I felt from everyone, for a very long time, because I was ashamed.

Auntieflo Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We aren't to know they are going to do this, never in a million years.

So sorry Annie I've read your story on here. It's awful. It was in the '70s for my brother. There was little help and no encouragement to talk then.

Nanny23, I do hope that you have managed to contact someone who will be able to give you the support that you so desperately need
I have thought long and hard about whether to post this next bit, but seeing the, mostly, supportive messages, I will.
3-4 years ago we had a lovely young couple as next door neighbours. They both worked and seemed happy enough. We became friendly and swopped cakes etc. One day, I was alone, and the young man knocked and asked if we could loan him some money. The bailiffs were at his door. I had no cash, very little credit on a card, and all savings were tied up, long term. I asked him to call his family and tell his wife, the Salvation Army, or any of the available help lines. I don't know if he ever did, but a few days afterwards, I arrived home from shopping, to find my drive and the road blocked with a police car, an ambulance and an emergency response vehicle. I thought he was ill, and as I knew him, asked if I could speak to him. I was told, no, it's too late. I was a mess, my husband was out for the day and I was alone.
I still have dreadful thoughts that maybe, just maybe, if I had managed to lend him money, whether he would be here today.
Just putting this down has brought it all back, but Judy, he was, must have been, in a dreadful place in his mind. I don't think he was being selfish, just couldn't take any more. He was a young Asian man, and I think the shame to his family, was perhaps uppermost in his thoughts. His lovely wife moved away, but I do hear from her brother how she is coping from time to time.

KatyK, I supported and fought for my darling daughter for ten years , I had to learn what I could about her illness , no help from those who were treating her because of patient confidentiality, it was patient confidentiality which killed her, I phoned her mental health team and said she was so far on the edge I feared for her, I was told, ‘sorry we cannot discuss this with you , patient confidentiality , if she tries to take her life call the police ‘. She jumped in the river at five in the morning,

I agree Annie I was guilty of getting annoyed with my brother. I had no idea what he was going through. Now I have an idea.

Yes oldbatty but unfortunately there are still some people who think than mental illness is something to be ashamed of. I have experience of someone who taunted another person about it as if they could help it any more than the taunter could help their long term medical issue. If you have experienced such an attitude it makes it so much harder to open up and seek help.

It is not as simple as some think. There are mental illnesses which cause the mind to become so irrational the sufferer is in such a dark place they choose to die to escape the demons which hound them.

its a lack of mental health staff gilly and set to get worse .There aren't enough people who want to train in this field and we would need to import them.That may not be possible soon.

I am desperately trying to get help for a loved one and have been passed from pillar to post since Thursday. I have finally secured an (urgent???) appointment for tomorrow with someone privately. When it comes to MH the NHS and this country are backward.

Yes Nonnie, and if they get help and support they look back and see it for what it was , a bad patch.

Isolation is the bad thing. If you can find the courage to say I feel rotton, I'm struggling, I seem to be having a bad few days....its very liberating and more often than not other people then open up.

Well put Nonnie

Many people don't want to die, they just can't cope with living. A big difference.

I started a thread on depression if anybody is struggling.

People thinking dark thoughts please share them. It sort of limits their powers and also I urge you to visit a good GP.

Nanny23 I hope you have told your DH how you are feeling, every day, not just once. Talking to someone, anyone, at your lowest times must help. 111 is another number you can call. I have a friend who has been suicidal the last few days partly because she feels that the doctors, mental health team etc are not listening. Late last night she called 111 and they listened and gave her an emergency number to call. She is improved today.

Judy I am angry with you. I can't be as polite about your post as others have been. I find it impossible to believe that someone who has lived long enough to join Gransnet can be so selfish and self-centred. Do you really believe what you said? Have you so little empathy that you want to make Nany23 feel worse than she already does? I think you should apologise right away.

When I was young, I worked with an older lady who told me she would never kill herself but sometimes she hoped she wouldn't wake up in the morning. I thought she was mad but can sort of understand it now.

I don’t think I’ve seriously contemplated it. I haven’t the courage. I have, though, thought how useful it would be if there was some sort of handy pill we could take when we’ve had enough. I don't think people should be forced to live through some of the terrible situations they can find themselves in.

I quite often hope I won’t wake up, but I’d like to know I’m not going to.

Sometimes they do. My brother tried a few times but even then we never thought he would succeed.

No, absolutely not.
Those that talk about it are probably least likely to do it.

My brother did this as a young man. The shock , horror and repercussions were horrendous. I think he could have been helped now, there wasn't much available then, he was thought of as a nuisance or told to pull himself together. I have been in what they would now call 'a very bad place' many times over the years due to awful events in my life (including this one) but have always managed to pull myself back from the brink. It certainly isn't selfish. Can you imagine how bad you must feel that you do this?

muffin I don’t want to ignore your post, those childhood messages were oh so wrong. You’ve been in a desperate place but have come through. Your children will make a huge difference of course but please seek help if those feelings return. You do matter and are important.

Nanny, I'm so deeply sorry you're feeling this way. TG for your dh! Please do reach out to Samaritans as GN and others have said. Hugs!

Muffin, what a painful childhood you must have had! And what a cruel, abusive mother! You survived, though, TG, and went on to become a mother, yourself. Kudos! I'm glad the kids keep you going. Please realize that not only would they miss you, they need you. Also, I hope you're in counseling to come to terms with your unfortunate childhood.