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Husband hates kids

(146 Posts)
Notthecatsmother Mon 03-Dec-18 15:30:50

My 2 children from my first marriage made me a Gran this year. My husband hates kids and wants nothing to do with them. If he is in when they visit he disappears upstairs, if he knows in advance he goes out to avoid them. My problem is if they visit Christmas day it is going to be obvious he is in the house. Anyone have any suggestions?

maryeliza54 Mon 03-Dec-18 15:37:27

Just ignore him - what a horrible man.

chelseababy Mon 03-Dec-18 15:41:50

Did you know he hates kids when you married him?

BlueBelle Mon 03-Dec-18 15:42:51

Yes let him spend the day in bed and enjoy your kids and grandkids Miserable man

BlueBelle Mon 03-Dec-18 15:44:19

Anyway they are not kids if they ve made you a gran so why would he hate your grown up offspring ?

EllanVannin Mon 03-Dec-18 16:00:38

Narcissist ? Because his attention is taken away !

Luckygirl Mon 03-Dec-18 16:12:51

Let him stay upstairs for good I say! His loss.

Granarchist Mon 03-Dec-18 16:13:21

when a friend of mine's daughters and grandchildren come to stay her husband books into a hotel!!!! Speechless.

TerriBull Mon 03-Dec-18 16:13:34

Commiserations! I wouldn't like to be married to someone who hates kids. I think you need to ask him to be a bit more gracious, your children were in your life before he was. Did you ever discuss the fact that there was a likelihood that grandchildren could well be a part of your life when you decided to marry? What about his extended family any children there ?

Grannyknot Mon 03-Dec-18 16:19:44

I was in a meeting the other day for work with a group of experienced consultant psychologists ... and one of them said: Not everyone's a narcissist. Some people are just "bad" not "mad". So can we please stop saying 'narcissist' for every incident. (It was in the context of the meeting - a panel considering a complaint).

're the OP, I'd carry on regardless and inform my guests that he is "frigging in the rigging" upstairs. I definitely wouldn't let it spoil my day.

SpringyChicken Mon 03-Dec-18 16:20:17

Surely he could make the effort for your sake. That's what being married means - putting you before himself sometimes. You need to have a little chat with him - he has to hide his feelings, buzz of for the day on some pretext or you tell your children how it is. I certainly wouldn't pander to your husband and stop your family visiting.

MawBroon Mon 03-Dec-18 16:34:28

If this were Mumsnet they’d say LTB
(And they might have a point)
Presumably he has some other redeeming features? hmm

NanKate Mon 03-Dec-18 16:37:05

The name Scrooge comes to mind. I hope he doesn't expect any presents.

maryeliza54 Mon 03-Dec-18 16:49:49

Don’t humour him - don’t try and talk him round. Just ignore him. What would you do in a family emergency and one of your dc needed help with child care?

oldbatty Mon 03-Dec-18 16:56:07

is this real? Why would you have anything to do with somebody like this?

sodapop Mon 03-Dec-18 16:56:28

Totally agree grannyknot

This must have been happening for some time notthecatsmother what have you done on other occasions ?
Would it be better for you to visit your family in their home? If not, talk to your husband and say the family are coming if he is not happy with this then he can go out or stay upstairs. Don't put off seeing your new grandchild at Christmas.

KatyK Mon 03-Dec-18 17:02:52

I've seen some grandparents being really horrible to their grandchildren when I've been out and about. It really upsets me. To me they are so precious.

M0nica Tue 04-Dec-18 08:17:27

Presumably your DC know he hates children so his anti-social behaviour will not be a surprise to them.

If anyone asks just tell them the truth. Your DH doesn't like children so has gone upstairs to be out of the way.

There is no law that says you have to like children, whether you are married or not.

Anja Tue 04-Dec-18 08:24:25


Shortlegs Tue 04-Dec-18 09:56:50

Aren't relationships all about compromise? He sounds a very selfish sort.

gillybob Tue 04-Dec-18 10:03:30

I think as others have said notthecatsmitger your DH is probably jealous of the time you give your DGC DGC, time that should ( in his mind) be his! It’s a bit sad really. If I were you I would carry on as normal as possible . Let him hide away upstairs or go out . His choice . Let him be a sad and miserable old git . Infact if st all possible I think you should go to visit your DGC as often as possible (even on Christmas Day if you’re invited ) . His choice to be on his own .

grannie62 Tue 04-Dec-18 10:06:47

Remember the 1950s and 1960s anyone? It was then considered quite normal for men to behave like that - with their own children as well as their grandchildren.

Grampie Tue 04-Dec-18 10:08:27

I guess it’s too late to confirm your mutual love of children before accepting his marriage proposal.

Are there any other unmentioned beliefs that he holds dear but you don’t?

You may just be incompatible.

luluaugust Tue 04-Dec-18 10:10:41

I have noticed many men find it "stressful" to sit around all day entertaining the family and you don't say if he has any children of his own that he hates or whether this is his first marriage, he may genuinely find the whole thing too much. I guess he married you and not the family. Have another go at talking this over and try to find out where the problem is coming from and what if anything he is prepared to do about it in the form of compromise. Otherwise tell him Christmas Day is non negotiable and leave the miserable old so and so to it.

4allweknow Tue 04-Dec-18 10:11:28

Perhaps he hasn't had any experience of babies and children and may well feel overwhelmed. If it is your adult children he shuns he has a relationship issue and you should discuss the problem with him.

Izabella Tue 04-Dec-18 10:11:30

A few rather harsh comments on here from those [I assume, and I may be wrong] who all have children. Not everyone does like children but is it right to ridicule or label them as selfish, or whatever? Surely the solution is to leave him to his own devices rather than make an issue of the situation.

He probably thought he was OK marrying someone with grown up children and did not think through to the prospect of grandchildren. That in turn is possibly making the situation fraught for him as he will probably have no concept of the bond that exists between the OP and her grandchildren and very possibly cannot understand it.

Just another point of view - but one I came across when working - and on more than one occasion.

Blinko Tue 04-Dec-18 10:15:06

I agree with Grannyknot and M0nica. He's not going to change now, is he? There's no law that says you have to like children.

newnanny Tue 04-Dec-18 10:15:11

I hope he is not nasty to your dc when they visit. He sounds unkind and not very nice. Hates children! They probably call him 'Grumpy Grampa' or worse. Let him go to his room and I would tell children he had a headache to spare their feelings even though they probably know he hates them. Do not let him come between you and your dc and dgc.

wellwalked Tue 04-Dec-18 10:18:04

What an awful situation to be in over the Christmas time (or any time for that matter).
Is there a chance that he may have hidden feelings of inadequacy about AC in partner's life; perhaps feeling unable to match up but not able to express that except in this overtly childish way? I am not trying to justify such behaviour, but many of us whose life experiences failed to teach us how to navigate mature relationships are left with strong emotions that can cloud a troubled psyche....just sayin'

Lazigirl Tue 04-Dec-18 10:37:13

I think Grampie has a point. I wonder if this is the only area of your life with your husband which presents such major compromise Notthecatsmother? Presumably you will want your new grandchildren to be a part of your life so this will crop up frequently, not just at Christmas. Many men, and also women, are not keen on children, but for family harmony will manage to cope with it from time to time.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 04-Dec-18 10:38:53

Hate is a very strong word so find out what has made your husband dislike children. In general? or those within your family ? so you need to have a talk with him as to why he feels this way.

Theoddbird Tue 04-Dec-18 10:40:35

Would he find it that difficult to just be polite on these occasional times when they visit. Surely that is not asking too much of someone. Not as if it is every day. What happens if you go out to lunch and a family sits on table near you? Do you have to abandon your meal and leave?

Nanny41 Tue 04-Dec-18 10:46:29

Mine is simliar, he has nothing to do with his Daughter and his Grandchildren, I admit they live hundreds of miles away, but he resents my Children and my Grandchildren I think he is jealous,he stays in when they come but we are all walking on egg shells the whole time, it works but its such a strain.What makes men like this I ask.

Izabella Tue 04-Dec-18 10:50:16

Broadly speaking

'In the practice of tolerance, ones enemy is the best teacher'

Tenzin Gyatso (Dalai Lama)

GabriellaG Tue 04-Dec-18 10:50:48

It's not the OP's adult children he objects to but the grandchildren, her AC's children who might arrive with their parents.

Theoddbird Tue 04-Dec-18 10:53:07

It just occurred to it your grown up children or the baby that he hates?

tickingbird Tue 04-Dec-18 10:54:56

I think all this labelling is a bit much. Some people don’t particularly enjoy being around kids. I like children and have several grandchildren that i love but i don’t always enjoy having them around me. Also children today can be so spoilt and indulged they aren’t always pleasant to be around.

In the Op’s case i think she knew what he was like before marrying him and maybe he has never had or wanted kids. She doesn’t say how long they’ve been married or how well he knows her grown up children so it’s hard to get a handle on why he’s like this.

Would OP care to offer some more info and background on her husband?

CanOnlyTry Tue 04-Dec-18 10:56:19

I'm so very sorry but I completely understand how you must feel. It's tough being married to men like these, I know because I am as well 😢 I keep thinking it will get better but is actually getting worse. In my case, we have two gorgeous grandchildren (his grandchildren) but he has nothing to do with them - I'm the one who does all the childcare and "lovely outings and treats" with them when our DS and DiL need help. They've got to the stage now when they don't even ask after him - effectively they actually don't have a Grandad. He even commented on a recent and VERY rare outing with them that he wanted to "wring the younger ones neck"!!!
Of course you need to make your own decision re Christmas with them and everyone's comments about ignoring him are very well founded and well meant, however, I know from experience, the emotional toll it'll take on you. But don't give into him because that'll only make things worse. Take very good care of yourself during this time though. As for me, I've had enough of it all. He even derides me for treating them. I have no words other than what I've put on here - personally, my heart is broken.

CanOnlyTry Tue 04-Dec-18 10:59:44

Nanny41 (mine too - I've just responded under main thread) - I'll NEVER understand it I'm afraid 😢😢😢

Deni1963 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:13:57

My ex partner hated my kids too although made the right noises when they were around. Made for a miserable time for me who would know deep down - personally I'd have your children around and he married you knowing you had children and needs to be better at burying what he feels. I feel for you stuck in the middle.

Apricity Tue 04-Dec-18 11:16:21

It all depends on how good your relationship is in other ways. If the issue with the grandkids is the only problem and he makes himself scarce I guess that's better than hanging around and being an unpleasant grump.

Is it a really big problem if he disappears/hides upstairs on Xmas Day and leaves other people to enjoy the day? Maybe he just doesn't like the noise and hubbub when little kids are around.

Lancslass1 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:17:56

When you married him there were no children(I hate children being called kids - kids are baby goats) so Notthecatsmother didn't realise that her new husband didn't like them.
It is probably jealousy on his part.
Don't worry about it.
On 26th December you will probably be able to post a comment saying that things were not as bad as you thought.
Don't anticipate trouble which may never happen.
Enjoy your grandchildren and if he does go off in a sulk just ignore him.
It will be his loss.

ReadyMeals Tue 04-Dec-18 11:22:35

Explain the situation to your family. Tell them he's hiding upstairs when they come. Don't collude in his lie. Let them know he will probably hide upstairs at xmas too, so that they can get used to the idea, and let them know it's fine by you if he wants to be a misery and that you hope it won't put them off coming because you're looking forward to it.

Caro57 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:29:08

I’m not sure mine’s the same but he certainly doesn’t/ can’t relate to kids so keeps out of the way when mine and GKids come. DD and I just laugh about it and let him get on with his own thing. I have made it clear he can do what he wants but I will not be stopped from seeing my family either in my home or theirs

gilld69 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:34:03

oh hed be out of my life sharpish my kids and grandkids are more important than a rude man

Funkygran21 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:41:05

Does he hate all children? Or just some children? For example, some older men find noisy, lively children difficult to be with. But it sounds as if these are babies. I'm sure they are lovely, but presumably your husband has no experience of kids? Perhaps he could spend just a little time alongside them and then - if he is happiest doing his own thing, reading his books, doing the crossword, watching tv, whatever it is - then I guess for the sake of overall happiness that's the way it is. He is probably as entitled to enjoy his Christmas as everyone else. Hopefully, in time he will find that it's not that difficult, especially if he sees how it makes you happy. Meanwhile, this Christmas is going to be a bit of a challenge but I think that with careful handling all round it need not be too hard.

Gin Tue 04-Dec-18 12:02:17

I think many of you are being a little unkind in your remarks. If you are not used to children, they can be overwhelming, very noisy, messy, demanding and difficult. If a man is used to a quiet, well organised life - kids are threatening. My OH tolerates them but disappears if the noise level gets too much. He is a kind loving person who feels he has done his bit coping with three children and he was much younger then.

M0nica Tue 04-Dec-18 12:09:45

Is there really a problem here? Someone doesn't like children so he avoids them. That seems reasonable

My sister doesn't like small children and chose not to have children. We saw less of her when our DC were tiny, but they all get on very well as adults.

NanaPlenty Tue 04-Dec-18 12:16:44

I'm not sure I could live with that. Try not to let it spoil your enjoyment is all I can say.

sarahcyn Tue 04-Dec-18 12:28:48

Buy him a DVD of any one of several excellent adaptations of A Christmas Carol
Get him a nightshirt and nightcap and teach him to say "Bah! Humbug" at every opportunity

Coconut Tue 04-Dec-18 12:39:58

Total lack of respect for you and your feelings. He doesn’t have to play with them just be present and polite and if he cannot do that for you, then there is something seriously wrong with him .....

Kerenhappuch Tue 04-Dec-18 12:41:23

Just let him get on with it, it’s him who’s missing out.

mabon1 Tue 04-Dec-18 12:49:38

Dont fancy being married to your husband, what a selfish person!

Ironmaiden Tue 04-Dec-18 12:51:26

My adult son hates kids. He has ASD and it’s the noise he can’t handle. He stays in his room when the kids are here. Now they’re a bit older (5 and nearly 7)it’s easier for him but he found it really difficult when they were toddlers and babies. So I just wondered if it was a sensory issue for him. We shouldn’t judge something he may not be able to help.

Lallylou Tue 04-Dec-18 12:53:51

It needs a conversation.....a long one. It's awful for your children to know he s upstairs and not wanting to see them It's pretty obvious to them they are not wanted. You must feel stressed when they come around and that's awful too. Marriage is about love why else would we do it. Loving someone means making sacrifices. He obviously can't or won't do this for the woman he loved......I would be talking talking and more talking to him about this

Daffonanna Tue 04-Dec-18 12:56:26

My brother and I used to visit the home of a married couple , friends of our parents . We were always told to be on our best behaviour as she liked children but he didn’t . To us this was a challenge , even from quite young , and with them we learned to interpret and respond to faces , body language and voices . As children we had to make an effort , and learn that we were not the centre of the universe . Years later we were told that his dislike of children never included us , and we learned to like and respect him.
Thankfully our grandchildren are the centre of our universe , but maybe they don’t always need to know it .

grandtanteJE65 Tue 04-Dec-18 12:59:12

I presume OP you know why your husband doesn't like children and he knows that you have adult children and now grandchildren and that you want to be part of their lives. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk about your differing attitudes to this extremely important issue.

Do you know for certain that your family are coming on Christmas Day? Surely you have discussed this with your DH? Are they all coming for Christmas Dinner, or just popping in to hand over presents and eat a mince pie?

To me it would make a difference. I could accept DH taking his afternoon nap while someone was downstairs we me drinking a cuppa, but I would be embarrassed if he did a bunk from Christmas dinner with my family.

If your family lives nearby, could you not pop round to theirs in the afternoon of Christmas Day or Boxing Day and leave your DH at home, in what is after all, also his home.

I also assume that your children know of your DH's attitude to children and won't be surprised by him not being on parade when they come.

CarlyD7 Tue 04-Dec-18 13:23:29

Presumably you knew this when you married him (you must think he's something really special to overlook it). I would stick to your guns and invite them over, and maybe tell him it would probably be better if he went out when they are here. If he doesn't, please don't cover for him - he doesn't deserve that - so that they know what's going on (and he must live with the consequences of his actions). Personally, I think he's acting like a spoilt child and needs to grow up. Sorry if this offends you.

RillaofIngleside Tue 04-Dec-18 13:39:42

My DH is not a "children" person - neither does he really like large family gatherings. He's quite happy to sit quietly in his study after family dinners (although he does join in with the meals). It's just the way he is, and no one expects him to be otherwise. My stepfather is the same, although we have a great relationship in other respects. My grown up children have always accepted that Dad is quiet and won't go out of his way to interact with their children. Funnily enough though, it's him they go and seek out when they want advice and a quiet sensible word.
We're all different, and I don't think it matters as long as it's explained to them in a positive way. Not everyone finds it easy to be with little ones.

Hm999 Tue 04-Dec-18 13:39:58

I have several friends with partners who have no children. If you've had no contact with kids for 50 yrs, it's very difficult for them. The noise, the attention that all kids need almost immediately is hard, and you need to try and educate him but it will take time.
Men also seem to relate better to toddlers than they do to newborns.
Important question is does he want to integrate with the children (and does he get on with your children)?

Nannymarg53 Tue 04-Dec-18 13:45:46

Divorce 🙈

HildaW Tue 04-Dec-18 13:56:22

Hmmm, I am sorry but I cannot get my head around having a relationship with someone that opposed to something important in my life. Perhaps its because of experience with 1st H - decided he did not want children once I was pregnant, but really it would have been a deal breaker for me. When I met 2nd H....he had to pass the 'does he like children and animals test ' on the first date.
This really sounds like a major issue that needs addressing....marriage guidance or similar. You love your children and grandchildren so the problem is going to get worse if not addressed.

stella1949 Tue 04-Dec-18 14:02:06

When my 2nd DH asked me to marry him, I told him that my children and grandchildren are a BIG part of my life and that by marrying me he was becoming part of my family. He made a big effort and is now an integral part of my family . I'm sorry for you if your DH can't manage to tolerate people who are your flesh and blood.

EthelJ Tue 04-Dec-18 14:07:38

I can understand people not wanting to have children but to be honest I don't understand people who say they don't like children. Unless they also say they don't like people. Children are simply younger people and like grown ups they are all individuals to say you don't like any seems odd as they are not a strange species,after all we have all been one!

queenofsaanich69 Tue 04-Dec-18 14:10:05

I have hear this once before but happy ending,once the guy saw one of those first gummy smiles he fell in love so you may have a happy ending in the future.Or in the future ask could he teach one of the grandchildren to play soccer,or some such.Good luck,we are all different.

HildaW Tue 04-Dec-18 14:10:18

Well said EthelJ!

Sheilasue Tue 04-Dec-18 14:13:45

Isn’t this something you should have discussed wth him before you got involved.
It’s very sad that you have this situation in your life.

annep Tue 04-Dec-18 15:03:45

He's not a children person. My husband isn't either but he makes a big effort. Maybe your husband just can't. I'm sure he does not really ^ hate^ children. He sounds like he is lacking in some emotion. Not his fault if he is born that way. I'm sure he has his good points. I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family?

annep Tue 04-Dec-18 15:08:11

Ironmaiden I agree re ASD. Its very difficult/impossible to change if this is the problem.

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:13:21

He is not a nice man, not because he doesnt like your kids (we all have rellies/inlaws that we are less keen on than others), but because he makes such a point of making sure you/they know it.

BlueBelle Tue 04-Dec-18 15:14:05

GrabriellaG The original post says her grown up children made her a gran this year so obviously a very young baby under a year so hardly children running around the husband so I stand my by post and not sure who
it is the husband doesn’t like her children or a little baby

as the original poster hasn’t come back to add anything else to make the situation more understandable we may never know

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:14:55

I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family? which is exactly what the OPs husband is doing.

You cant force yourself to like someone. But you can go through the motions of being polite to them

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:16:49

Making your children and grandchildren feel uncomfortable when visiting your home may be a way to isolate you from them - watch out for that!

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:19:09

He is not "banning" them but he is making them not want to come in a manipulative way where if he is called out on it he can say "well its their choice not to come" but its not really if he has created a situation where they feel unwelcome

Jalima1108 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:22:48

EthelJ - yes, my thought is 'Well, you were a child yourself once'.

I hope he joins you at some point for meals and that you don't pander to him by taking his meals upstairs on a tray.

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:22:51

Perhaps he hasn't had any experience of babies and children

I am rubbish around babies (mine were different) and feel awkward about it. I also dont act like a bratty teen if DHs rellies visit with a new baby

fluttERBY123 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:29:26

I agree with MOnica - and what does LTB mean?

Alexa Tue 04-Dec-18 15:31:22

He doesn't like kids , and it's hardly your business to plague him about his likes and dislikes unless they are dangerous or illegal.

Jalima1108 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:32:49

and what does LTB mean
I think it is an import from Mumsnet fluttERBY123 and means leave him (I won't spell it out!).

BlueBelle Tue 04-Dec-18 15:34:05

I m still confused my 2 kids from my first marriage made me a gran this year How does that work ? did both children make you a gran meaning two babies and do they always visit together
I would like Notthecatsmother to come back and explain her post
However when I put Notthecatsmother into the search engine nothing comes up at all ??

Jalima1108 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:36:26

Presumably two babies.
Like buses, you wait for ages then two come along at once (not twins!).
Are they even walking yet?

MagicWriter2016 Tue 04-Dec-18 15:42:34

Is this post real? Have not seen any replies from the OP, hope she is not sitting in a corner wishing she hadn’t said anything, poor woman. Although I have always said ‘you can always replace your man, but never your children’, so he wouldn’t have lasted long with me!

sylviann Tue 04-Dec-18 15:42:49

I'm not good with kids even though I've two sons four grandson kids the youngest is 16

breeze Tue 04-Dec-18 16:00:42

Oh good old GN! The only place where in one thread you can see a quote from the Dalai Lama and 'Frigging in the rigging'! (Hope you know what that means grannyknot! as I wouldn't tell my children my husband was upstairs frigging in the rigging'!)

Ah (wipes away tears of laughter!) back to the point..

Notsthecatsmother only you know if you want to spend your life with someone who hates your children and grandchildren. I guess you have to work out whether the qualities you saw in him that led to marriage can outweigh his dampening of every social occasion or visit from your family forevermore. A lot of people have said just let him get on with it and sulk, but as he is your partner, I expect you would want him to be with you, joining in, having fun and enjoying your family occasions. Is he worth it. Only you know. Wish you well.

DotMH1901 Tue 04-Dec-18 16:01:59

My father had no time for babies - he was 75 when my son was born and 78 when my daughter arrived. When my son was 3 Dad did enjoy showing him how to hammer nails into wood and 'man' things like that (out in his shed in the yard) but he had no patience at all with my newly born daughter, in fact he told me one evening that either I left and took her home (she was crying) or he would leave. It was just the way he was with babies. Sadly he passed away in the December of the year my daughter was born so he didn't get to see her as a 'child' rather than as just a rather grumpy baby. It is true that some men just don't like babies - hopefully you knew this before you got married ? I do think he could be asked to make the effort just for their Christmas visit though, one day a year won't kill him smile

FlorenceFlower Tue 04-Dec-18 16:06:08

I rather agree with M0nica.

If your husband is genuinely not a ‘children’ person, let him go upstairs and say something along the lines of ‘Grandad is reading upstairs in the peace and quiet, that gives me loads more time with you, which is lovely’.

My husband adores his adult children and dotes on our grandchildren but in small doses. He doesn’t ‘do’ any of the hands-on school pickups, swimming, etc. But he is a huge financial support to both families, and loves to cook meals for us all.

I think there have been threads on here and on Mumsnet where the second husband or wife, more or less wont allow any contact with the previous spouse, children or grandchildren.

Your second husband doesn’t seem to be in that terrible camp. While it’s tempting to say LTB, there may be a reason why he feels uncomfortable around children, and it might come to light or it may not.

Have a wonderful Christmas whatever happens, enjoy yourself and if he chooses to hide upstairs, then so be it. 🌺

trendygran Tue 04-Dec-18 16:51:44

Wasn’t your husband ever a child himself? Did someone hate him then? He sounds very selfish and obviously doesn’t consider your feelings. Just let him stew on Christmas Day and spend it on his own . Wouldn’t even buy him a present or cook his dinner. Chilren are what make Christmas. Maybe,underneath this he has jealousy issues that you have a family who still matter to you.

moobox Tue 04-Dec-18 17:20:50

My DH always spoke as if he was very wary of children and babies, yet he has turned out be the best grandad going (as long as he doesn't have to change any nappies)

harrysgran Tue 04-Dec-18 17:37:11

I agree with notanan2 this sounds like he is jealous and wants all of your attention he may think by treating your family this way you will see less of them and eventually isolate you from them. My ex did this whenever my sister or brothers family visited I made, lots of excuses for him but they both have told me they knew what he was doing and my sister in particular was adamant he wouldn't keep her from visiting me marriage is all about give and take and sometimes putting your partners happiness before your own he is behaving like a selfish child

Butterflygirl11 Tue 04-Dec-18 17:38:25

I could not cope with this if it was my Husband , my Husband loves my Grandchildren as if they were blood related , he is wonderful with them . It must put a strain on your relationship .

Aepgirl Tue 04-Dec-18 17:46:03

Better that he stays out of their way than be horrible to them. If the children had to put up with him they might not want to see you either. Let him stay upstairs so that you can enjoy them until they leave.

HannahLoisLuke Tue 04-Dec-18 18:19:36

What does LBT stand for Maw?

Pat1949 Tue 04-Dec-18 18:34:09

I don't know what to say, if he doesn't like children, he doesn't like children. At least it sounds like they're not banned from the house although if I were you I would feel a bit hurt and embarrassed, and be thinking he could at least pretend to like them, I would, but, perhaps thats my thoughts as a woman. I think if my husband didn't like someone or something he would perhaps be the same. All in all if he is good to you and your happy living with him I would try and ignore his behaviour and enjoy your day.

MissAdventure Tue 04-Dec-18 18:39:52

Its not compulsory to like children, and not doing so is different to hating them, I would say.
I'm surprised these kind of things weren't discussed before getting married.

annep Tue 04-Dec-18 20:34:32

notanan2 I cant see it stated that he is rude to them.

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 20:52:22

Oh come on! Unless you are running an air b'n'b (and sometimes even then) it is rude to not be welcoming to guests in your home.
It actually takes more effort to sulk upstairs than it does to come down and say hello even if you take a backseat in proceedings. He doesn't need to be the life'n'soul.

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 20:58:24

I think there have been threads on here and on Mumsnet where the second husband or wife, more or less wont allow any contact with the previous spouse, children or grandchildren.

Your second husband doesn’t seem to be in that terrible camp

Controlling partners often don't outright lay down the law. They do things that make you think that life is "easier" if you bend your life around them until you end up under their control.

He hasnt told them outright that they cant come - that would leave him open to being challlenged. But he is making it uncomfortable for them to come and the end result can be the same

notanan2 Tue 04-Dec-18 21:11:40

He's actually making himself centre of attention by being dramatically conspicuously absent.

Grannyknot Tue 04-Dec-18 21:25:49

Breeze I don't! Well I do now, I looked it up grin - what can I say, I had a sheltered life.

I meant it as in "he is upstairs being a frigging pain".

If the OP is reading the comments whilst cowering behind a sofa cushion, she can always ask HQ to delete the whole thread!

Mumsyface Tue 04-Dec-18 21:45:40

As a teacher of young children from about five upwards I have no difficulty at all in understanding that some people just don’t want to be round them. Having said that, don’t all families have an awkward relative or grumpy ole git that everyone just puts up with or humours at family time like Xmas or weddings and ignore the rest of the time? If he doesn’t like children then he’s doing the right thing getting out of the way. Xmas, they’ll just have to put up with each other for a couple of hours because they are part of the same family.