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Worry

(85 Posts)
dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 10:48:10

Just wondering if anyone else is s constant worrier. It's exhausting, at the moment I on holiday with DH . we'll be in our caravan. He's been ill before and I had to call ambulance. Worry is how would we cope. Hopeless in caravan, wouldn't be able to get us back etc
I am learning the basic features but DH thinks I'm panicking. Maybe I am . Trying not to think it worst case scenario all time, but it's so hard. Think I may go for counseling. Thanks for reading

EllanVannin Mon 24-Jun-19 10:54:12

I know it's difficult but try and not think about " what if ", it may never happen. Is it something specific that's worrying you ?

SueSocks Mon 24-Jun-19 10:56:03

You sound like me! Husband is Mr Laidback. I am the one who worries about everything, his attitude is why worry, it won't change anything. He is right but I tend to think that some of us are worriers and it's hard to change.
Regarding the caravan, if you are not confident about towing, have you looked at organisations such as the caravan club and what they provide in terms of recovery in the case of illness? I think Green Flag also provide this sort of recovery. Might be worth giving the caravan club a ring to get some advice, you will have to join to take advantage of their services but it could money well spent if it gives you peace of mind.

Bridgeit Mon 24-Jun-19 10:59:33

I have a lot of empathy with you, I was once given this advice , If worry sorts out the issue then go ahead and worry,
Logic tells that worry doesn’t help so instead be practical & prepared, write down telephone numbers that you may need, dial 999 if necessary .
Don’t stay in a caravan if it & you are isolated from telephone connections etc , best wishes

crazyH Mon 24-Jun-19 11:02:58

Oh dolly - you're not the only one. I'm worrying now about my friend who is visiting from abroad. What shall I cook for her? Where shall I take her? I start functioning only by 9.30 a.m. Shall I tell her she should go down and help herself to breakfast? I am writing list after list. Things to do etc. I am even worrying about coughing while she is here. I suffer from a lung condition. So you're not the only one. Don't worry. Your husband will be fine. Keep your phone fully charged all the time. Keep tel numbers of local taxi services. Is it a touring caravan? Don't worry someone will help you. I'm sure you've membership of AA or something similar. Don't panic, that's the main thing.

gt66 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:14:14

I'm a great believer in being prepared for the worst, then it's never likely to happen and at least you have the reassurance and knowledge that if it does, it's better than not having a clue what to do.

oldgimmer1 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:15:19

Me.

Except my worry is mainly about work.

I think I've got that condition "imposter syndrome". I've always had it and it's bloody EXHAUSTING.

I'm constantly on pins in case some awful transgression that I've made, whether real or imagined - will find me out for being the inadequate failure that I am.

I can't relax once the working day is over and and try not to take holidays in case I'm "found out" in my absence.

I overthink other stuff as well but nothing close to my Imposter Syndrome worry!

Jane10 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:19:46

gt66 I agree. If worrying leads to you planning for all the what ifs then its worth doing. I'm a great one for plan A, B and C.
Burying your head in the sand or pretending 'its all fine' is a recipe for disaster. Hope for the best BUT plan for the worst.

Grammaretto Mon 24-Jun-19 11:28:06

My dear old GMiL used to say she had to have a worry.
It kept her from thinking any worse thoughts.
People who worry or over- think things have too much imagination. You should channel it into something constructive/creative.

Insurance companies prey on people's fears and worries.
I'm on a forum (for a particular illness) where the talk is all about travel insurance and I told them to spend the money on medical research as any amount of insurance is not going to stop the accident happening.

cornergran Mon 24-Jun-19 11:34:48

I think we all feel better if we can answer ' if the worst happened what would I do'? Thinking of your situation dolly if you are in the UK in your van and have a recovery service which includes towed vehicles (most do, so don't worry about that!) they would get you back home if you tell them the driver is out of action and you can't tow the van. Also site wardens and other caravaners are incredibly helpful if you let them be. I am sure there would be offers of help with packing up and making the van safe. You'll know this if you think about it. In fact when we had our van and illness struck we did far better on a site in our own space than we would have done in a hotel. I'm a worrier, Mr C isn't and struggles to understand why my head goes to the worst case scenario. I do know how worries can take over but also that they can be diminished if a fall back plan is in place. Try to enjoy your break and when you get back home remind yourself that in spite of your worries all was well. Take care.

stella1949 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:44:21

I worry more about what would happen if I had a fall or other accident, or a stroke or heart attack. DH means well, but he is totally hopeless in an emergency. Once I fell in the bathroom and couldn't get up. It took about 10 minutes of my calling before he wandered in like Mister Magoo, wondering where I'd got to. Then he tried to pull me up by one hand ....suffice it to say that this was very unhelpful and painful. I ended up telling him to drag a dining chair in, so I could slowly pull myself up on it. He stood and watched proceedings with interest. If I'd had anything serious I'd have been dead before he figured out what to do.

EllanVannin Mon 24-Jun-19 13:00:28

Stella1949 that reminds me of my poor dad when during icy conditions years ago there was an almighty thud outside our back door. Dad went to see what it was and there was mum on the ground and he'd asked " what are you doing down there lass ?".

He'd have been hopeless had he not gone before mum.

Daisymae Mon 24-Jun-19 14:31:25

I think you are right to worry. We are in a similar position and to be honest have changed what we do. It saves a lot of hassle. We have stopped travelling abroad, go to self catering and make sure that there is phone access so that things can be sorted out in an emergency. The best you can do is to plan ahead. Maybe its time go revise your holiday arrangements?

M0nica Mon 24-Jun-19 15:58:52

Don't worry. Plan. Think about what can go wrong. Sit down and plan how you will deal with it, including ancillary worries.

For example, if you are worried about driving the caravan home. Find out how to hire a driver to do it for you. You may find your breakdown cover covers this eventuality, or the RAC or AA can help you. Find out, make sure you have the money to meet the cost. Plan made, worry dealt with, Forget about it.

Just treat every worry constructively and plan, I am one of lifes optomists, I expect/hope everything will go well, but I have thought through every eventuality that can go wrong and what I would need to do - which is why I am not a worrier

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:16:22

Thanks for all the thoughts. DH suffers from adhesions which can obviously flare up at any time, or never again. He doesn't like to be reminded and obviously we can't life our life on what if
I realise anyone can be taken ill at anytime. We are members of caravan club and I hope they would help. I always check to see if spare pitches ' just in case:. We are covered for rescue in breakdown etc. Hope it covers illness.

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:18:31

I know it's stupid to worry and should try and maintain sense of reality instead of always imagining the worst. I would love to travel abroad but don't think I could cope with the worry.

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:27:45

I have worried since I was a child (horrible childhood). DH calls me 'Mrs What If'. He had cancer (in remission). I ask him sometimes if he is scared. He says 'what's the point of being scared? I'll be scared when they tell me I should be'. Me? I'm scared of everything. Doesn't get you anywhere but you can't help your nature dolly although counselling may help.

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:28:34

has not had cancer

Calendargirl Mon 24-Jun-19 18:26:02

“Never trouble trouble
Till trouble troubles you
It only doubles trouble
And troubles other too”

When I feel worried, I try and think of the above, but it doesn’t always help!

BradfordLass72 Tue 25-Jun-19 00:26:32

If you worry it's because you care. Is there anything wrong with caring?

Plan for everything. If you are in a caravan and fear you couldn't get home if DH is ill, find out the number of the local doctors or emergency healthcare. Once with them, you'd be free to contact family or friends to help you further.

oldgimmer1 I've just been reading about 'Impostor Syndrome' - in numerous studies it was found to be most prevalent in high achievers. Their peers and colleagues regarded them as such too.

I don't suffer from this but often think I could have done better, even though I always do my best - and worry that I let people down. Maybe it was all those "Must try harder" on my school reports. smile

I'm sure you've heard it all before but it might be worth your reading this:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome#Management

Bigred18 Tue 25-Jun-19 06:12:08

Im a worrier but have managed to stop saying "what if'. At the moment my back and shoulders are so tight that it's hard to breathe.properly
I know all the exercises to do for relief!

dolly56 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:16:15

I think it's because I want to be in control and care too much
(Compensation for bad childhood). DH very patient with me but must drive him crazy. On caravan club site, do help available. However, what if need to start longer and site full. Aghh

Coco51 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:17:56

Is it driving with the caravan attached that concerns you? I was a very nervous driver but after a holiday at my Aunt’s in Cornwall we arranged thatDH would take the train back and I’d stay on for another week and drive DS&DD. I got through it by telling myself I could stop at any time and do the journey in as many stages as I could cope with. In the end I managed to get home on the same day and my confidence soared.
Perhaps you could do a journey with hubby beside you so that you know help is available. Perhaps have cover with breakdown services who will come out if the driver is too ill to undertake the journey, for peace of mind.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:21:24

I used to be a worrier and it is very hard to change mindset. But the older I got the more accepting of things esp since now not in good health. I decided to put it into perspective and refuse to worry until there is something to worry about I’m waiting to have second thyroid biopsy first one they didn’t get any cells to check for cancer. Waiting now for second one.thats only one of my health probs. I’m very positive person, I’m suffering from breathing probs at mo. I’m the type of person that helps everyone out spread myself here there n everywhere n really don’t think about myself much at all. But it’s my way of coping with my own battles. And worrying leads to stress which is not good on the body

polnan Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:11

smile me too! me too! I can worry for the world, mind you as I have got older, I find I don`t worry quite so much

when I was working a friend asked me how my face stayed so wrinkle free with the way I worried, and she didn`t had younger than me, but had more wrinkles!

what would I do if the worst thing should happen? what could be the worst thing?

and yes, I agree with previous poster...worriers can have too much imagination.

"calm.... relax" is a mantra I am trying

chaffinch Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:13

Maybe not the advice you want, but I would seriously think about getting rid of the caravan if the thought of driving it etc. is such a worry. Cannot make for a restful break if you are always on edge, and your husband surely does not want you to be so anxious.

chrissie13 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:30:42

I'm a worrier too, and like to get everything straight in my head for every eventuality. If you're not sure whether your insurance provides cover for illness, I would check and add it if not, for peace of mind in that respect.

marionk Tue 25-Jun-19 10:34:37

Towing courses are available through the Caravan and Motorhome Club and elsewhere, they are brilliant and teach you all the steps to hitching and unhitching as well as towing. I did one before we got our caravan as I had never towed and now I do it all as DHs health is not brilliant, he is a great believer in me knowing how to do stuff just in case. But if you don’t want to do that you can get people to move your caravan for you, I know someone who has theirs professionally moved so that they only have to drive to the side in their car.

winterwhite Tue 25-Jun-19 10:41:54

Good for you, Dolly, to tackle this holiday knowing that it will worry you. Solidarity from another habitual worrier.
When my DC were still children they once gave me a framed poster of a panda placidly chewing bamboo, saying 'Don't tell me not to worry. The things I worry about never happen.'
Usually true. My mother always said 'That was a waste of a good worry' when things when off without a hitch.
Have a good time.

Ginny42 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:44:10

I can tow a caravan on a straight road, but don't ask me to manoeuvre it into position or turn it round! It's not an easy task so I'm not surprised you find it daunting.

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but you know those emergency call wristbands or one on a cord, can you use them wherever you? If you tell them you're going on holiday can you still use them to call for help? Would it give you peace of mind to have one?

NanaSuzy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:45:40

Stella1949 that sums up my husband to a T; he is hopeless in times when I'm not well. He is brilliant at DIY, and anything practical but no good at caring! I have worried all our lives, but have finally got a grip - life really is so short, worry is a total waste of time. Re OP, I have given up holidays, I hate them and they just cause a whole load of stress to me. We have recently moved, to the area I have wanted to live all my life - I love the house and have no desire to go anywhere at all, certainly not at present. DH very happy to go places on his own, so we are perfectly happy with the situation.

Shalene777 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:50:13

My husband does everything, sorting things out etc...
I was constantly worrying about what would happen if???? So I sat him down and together we wrote out a list of all the things I would need to do to keep everything on track. I'm in charge of all the finances so wrote a list for him and now both lists are in a little safe so that if anything happens to either of us the other can continue without issue.

whywhywhy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:58:53

I'm just the same. I used to tow our caravan when we went to DH car do. He would streak away in his little hotrod. One day I thought - to hell with this!! I stopped doing it and the caravan got replaced with a small tent. Much easier to manouvre. Think of yourself. If it makes you stressed then don't do it. Remember stress does shorten our lives. I do worry though so have loads of sympathy for you. Take care x

Minerva Tue 25-Jun-19 11:00:44

Enjoy your holiday dolly56. All will be well and if your DH is taken unwell then you will get help from the Club or your insurance and it will become a blip in your life journey. People are usually helpful in such situations.

It’s exhausting to live with a worrier. Of course I worry when a family member is in trouble but otherwise I presume bad things won’t happen and deal with them when/if they do. My daughter sees disaster round every corner and the constant anxiety wears me into the ground.

Calendargirl I am going to print out your rhyme for her though I don’t know if she can be helped. She was such a happy-go-lucky little girl up to school age when fears took over.

EmilyHarburn Tue 25-Jun-19 11:05:44

dolly56 you are doing the right think looking in advance at what you would have to do in an emergency. I ran a residential home for 4 years and we had a page of actions to take on each type of emergency i.e resident going missing, resident dying or getting seriously ill, etc. As we grow older it is helpful to haves these things written down on a a sheet where we can locate it and find the number to ring.

The Red Cross have a free Emergency app to advise you on emergencies but I have not tried it or read reviews.

Diane227 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:13:32

My husband wants to go on walks in the country but he has arthritis in both knees. I worry about what would happen if his knees give way and we cant get a phone signal to ask for help. Silly but I cant help it.

Marilla Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:49

When I was a young woman, I could cope with anything the world, job and family threw at me. Now as a middle aged woman, I have turned into an anxious, ridden old lady who cannot go out for a coffee without anxiety. No amount of mind games helps and it is exhausting.
You have my sympathy all you worriers out there.

Viviness Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:55

I'm a worrier. I never used to be until I had children. Then the 'what if' comes into play. When they went out and were home late, if they went abroad what would happen if, all those things. Now they are both married and I still worry about them I think it is normal. I worry about myself too, having just had a recent operation I worried about the what ifs with that, but I survived. Whilst in Hospital I watched the other patients and the staff and had some great advice from this forum and I do think most people worry about something.
Now I try to make plans if I am worrying about something, so I am prepared a little. I try to reason with myself and have to be accepting that things do happen, but if you are prepared and have made plans then it will not be so bad.

So get yourself organised, have your plans in place, and go and enjoy yourself and try not to worry too much x

Gingergirl Tue 25-Jun-19 11:23:53

I think you can only prepare/control life up to a point. And the thing with worrying, is that even if you’ve done all of that, you may still find something else to worry about! Worry stems from thinking about the past and the future. If we can keep our thoughts centred around the present moment, a lot of the worry dissipates. So it may help to just focus on the ‘now’..if your mind wanders off, bring it back....how are things right at this moment? If they’re good, try to be accepting and grateful. Its a habit we all need to cultivate, you’re not alone!🙂

CarlyD7 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:27:14

99.9% of what we worry about never happens - what a terrible waste of our one precious life! I was a worrier from being very young but both counselling and meditation really helped. Hope you find something that helps you.

Orchidlover Tue 25-Jun-19 11:32:58

I worry all the time too my family say mum nothing can do in the middle of the night ! But I worry so much about granddaughter for instance, 22 and she home from uni and I swear she is using drugs.

newgran2019 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:39:27

Dolly56 and Oldgimmer1, I think I'm like you both. I have been a worrier/overthinker since childhood (mother has narcissistic personality problems, which can't have helped, but I didn't know that then) and have had bouts of anxiety and depression on and off, plus a phobia of driving, so I couldn't tow the caravan anyway! Having a religious faith can sometimes make it worse, as one feels one ought to trust in God and let go of the worries. I have tried counselling, yoga, antidepressants, etc. as well but can't seem to escape from my own nature. But on the plus side I do find pleasure in even small things and am always grateful for all I have that's good.

moggie57 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:43:36

make sure you have all his medical notes.and a mobile that works.make sure the caravan is equiped with a first aid box.and that you know the basics for life saving ( cant think of the word i need ). be prepared .have a lovely holiday...

justanovice Tue 25-Jun-19 11:44:38

Hello Oldgimmer1. I didn't realise that it had a name. I've felt like that for most of my life. It's only now that I'm in my sixties that I'm finally becoming more relaxed about things.

Pat1949 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:45:09

You can get insurance to get the caravan back home. To be honest, for peace of mind, I would do it. Google it. It took me to Go Compare but I didn't any further.

Newatthis Tue 25-Jun-19 11:52:37

I was like you for many years and it all made me ill. I was worrying about EVERYTHING! Then, one morning, I woke up and said to myself "I am never going to worry again about things I have no control over". I chant this (to myself) everyday and I have since become much healthier and happier. It's difficult at first but if you can't control it then don't worry. Yes, bad things happen but most of the time they don't.

Tillybelle Tue 25-Jun-19 12:04:13

dolly56 Oh bless you! As so many have said here, I too understand exactly how you feel. Once a very frightening event has happened it stays with you and you cannot help but worry about how you would cope if it happened again, especially on holiday.

I think if your DH were to be ill while you are away in your caravan, people would all help you and the help he would receive would be the same as if he were at home. Nobody would expect you to tow your caravan home or do anything difficult. People always rally round and help in a time of emergency such as this. Try to "let go and trust" as a friend of mine who had chronic anxiety told me.

There are many of us who understand this feeling of impending doom and terror that you have. It really would be worth discussing it with your Doctor. The events around your DH's illness may have left you a little traumatised and you deserve some help to get through this.

Please try to trust that that if the worst happens then people will help you and you will cope, we always do. But most of all, keep things in perspective, the worst does not usually happen! No doubt your husband is now taking better care of himself, or is on some medication to prevent another attack. Try to live in the moment, enjoy the lovely things happing right now, the smell of roses, taste of coffee, beautiful view, comfortable bed, good company... Give yourself permission to indulge in what is happening that you enjoy and immerse yourself in lovely things.

Wishing you a very happy future and that you feel stronger and more confident each minute. With love, Elle x 🌈🌼💐

Chino Tue 25-Jun-19 12:11:34

MY husband is 87 and has decided he does not want to travel abroad again - I know he is worried he might be taken ill when out of the country

Apricity Tue 25-Jun-19 12:19:04

I have always worried about being a worrier and all round catastrophizer but was recently quite thrilled to read that the best person to be with in a challenging situation is just such a person. Because we, the worriers of the world, have already anticipated the worst possible scenario and have the solutions and way forward already worked out. Such consolation. Fellow worry warts take heart, we too will have our moment.

Craftycat Tue 25-Jun-19 12:47:28

I do wonder if this is a symptom of getting older- I never used to be a worrier but now I can lie awake at night worrying for England!
Family, DH's job, health ( which is perfect!) DGC, sons,money, even the cats!!!
It is so frustrating to feel really tired but not able to turn off the thoughts. I do meditate which helps as does reading my Kindle to make me 'turn off the thoughts' but it takes a while.
DH never worries about anything & sleeps like a log. Which is also very annoying!

pinkjj27 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:08:07

Yes I suffer from anxiety and could gain a PHD in worrying.
I take supplements to try and deal with the stress and I have had counselling.
You are on holiday so try to give your worries a holiday too . My councillor told me to imagine myself leaving my worries in a big box outside the door to give them a rest. It sometimes works. He also told me worries tend to be caring people that want to make everyone else happy in my case so true but I found this comforting.

Before my husband died we went on holiday and I was so anxious but I did a lot of research into local hospitals doctors numbers and so on . I also asked on site what support I could expect and I was prepared. He had cancer and did actually come down with a chest infection and we did need to go to hospital but it was all a lot easier then I had worried. We had a lovely time and I now cherish the memories of our last holiday.
I am not much help but just wanted you to know your not alone in this. Try to have fun.

Nanniejc1 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:31:53

When I as young I didn’t worry about anything but after I had children then grandchildren I just worry about everything can’t switch off.Had anxiety attacks which started after the menopause & still on anti anxiety medication over 20 years later,tried to come off the tablets 2/3 times but I just start getting panic/anxiety attacks again so I guess I’m on them for life.If I get anything on my mind I can’t sleep at night.I wish that I wasn’t a worrier but think it’s just how I am.I guess we are all different & we all have different problems,I must add that I’m very lucky as I have a very supportive husband & family.

Haydnpat Tue 25-Jun-19 13:37:15

Me too, we have a holiday home in France, I worry the whole time ! No phone coverage, don't speak French.mwhat on earth do I do if there's an emergency. Oh Zibkniw how you feel !

omega1 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:42:13

Is everything alright right now is a good way to keep grounded. You can't worry about the future because you don't know what is going to happen. Have faith that everything is going to be alright and it usually is.

Nanny41 Tue 25-Jun-19 14:40:22

Hi fellow worriers,I worry and think "what if" people say why worry until it happens, and can you do anything about it until it happens, all very true but it doesnt help me.We have just come back from a two week holiday in our motor home in Poland, before going I was worried in case something happened, as my Husband had a heart attack in January this year, he is fine and probably didnt think about anything happening.We are now home again after an uneventful time, thankfully. I have a little note on my desk which says " I will not stress over things I cannot control"I think I should read this more often!

Judi45 Tue 25-Jun-19 15:25:01

I'm about to move from a big house to a small flat and I'm finding it so stressful it's almost making me ill. There was a problem with the flat I'm buying, still is, my buyers are urging me to move fast, I have so much stuff to get rid of, time is running out and I'm waking in the night having a panic attack and then waking up in the morning with a dreadful feeling of fear, unhappiness and being overwhelmed. I've always been a worrier but this is like nothing I've experienced before. I think if I was younger and not on my own it would be easier, so I do sympathise with anyone who seems to be a 'born worrier'. It gets worse with age, I find!

Ramblingrose22 Tue 25-Jun-19 16:06:58

I too am a worrier, including about things I cannot control.

The OP has prompted me to think of some suggestions.

1. Dolly56 - make a list of the things that you worry about. They have to be things that could really happen to you directly.

2. Identify the things you would be unable to do or find difficult to deal with in that situation (eg holiday in caravan: don't know how to drive, don't know if insurance covers towed vehicles) etc.

3. Find out if you could get help with these things - eg call insurers to see if the policy would cover for the vehicle being driven back to the home address and get confirmation in writing).

It is better to spend the time spent on worrying by taking action. Create a contingency plan or get others to help you with the plan as you may find there are things/people who can help.

If the consequences for you directly of the matter you worry about cannot be dealt with by a contingency plan it may be beyond your control and worrying about it will only make you feel more helpless.

A book I am reading on a related subject advises to never catastrophise. For example, a situation you worry about may make you concerned and upset but it is not necessarily a catastrophe.

I hope this helps.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 25-Jun-19 16:55:45

I too prevent myself from worrying to much by being prepared.

I always make sure I have the local ambulance service, fire brigade and police numbers with me, both on my phone and written down, in case my phone dies or there is no mobile service.

If you don't drive or are nervous about towing a caravan, could you have an agreement with a family member or good friend that if, heaven forbid, you need to have the van towed home he/she will see to that, while you stay with your husband if he needs medical attention while you are away.

Alternately, perhaps a caravan isn't the best kind of holiday any longer. In a hotel you would be able to get help more easily.

hollie57 Tue 25-Jun-19 17:21:45

Hi Judy I can so relate to you we have just moved after 40 years but at least I had my hubbie we had lived in our family home so long we had another house in the loft it took us 6 months to clear it all such a hoarder it was so stressful and emotional my husband couldn’t eat for the first week and I kept crying and wanting to go home we are now on week 3 it is getting better but still stressful such a lot to do hope things get easier it is not easy on your own could you not get packers or have you a good friend who could help you ,good luck and I hope you are settled soon xx

Dillyduck Tue 25-Jun-19 17:43:24

It's really important that you both share things as much as possible, because one day one of you will have to manage everything on your own, sadly. I was widowed at 54.

Do you drive? Have you ever towed a caravan? Do you know how to hitch up? I've towed a caravan up and down the country many times, there's nothing to it once you get your confidence up. Why not go on a weekend towing course. Alternatively, if you have Green Flag, AA, or similar they should be able to help. Ring up and find out. Can your husband cook? Why not swop roles now and then?

legray22 Tue 25-Jun-19 17:44:47

Dolly, enjoy your holiday! 9
3% of what we worry about never comes to pass xxxxxxxxxx

legray22 Tue 25-Jun-19 17:46:08

In case of confusion, I typed 93% and that is widely accepted.

Juliet27 Tue 25-Jun-19 19:09:14

oldgimmer1. I suffer from the exact same syndrome and I wake in the night and worry some more!!

Glenfinnan Tue 25-Jun-19 19:16:48

I can relate to what you are saying. We are Motorhomers and my DH does not keep well. Just like some others I too note names of Doctors and Hospitals in the area. These details are usually kept in the information section of any site. Campers are usually VERY helpful so you are not alone! Plus Wardens do go over and above when needed.

okimherenow Tue 25-Jun-19 19:29:46

I can see where you are coming from..
What my husband has done to help him deal with his massive anxiety is two fold
He went to see a counsellor..
Chose the first name in a list off Google..
£25 an hour 7 x sessions in all AND bought read and worked through book OVERCOMING ANXIETY
By helen kennerly
Very practical and has without a doubt enabled him to deal with and REDUCE his anxieties..
When he feels getting agitated he phones the counsellor and has 1 x meeting and gets back into perspective.
It was the counsellor AND the book which he thinks saved him...
Good luck...

Glammy57 Tue 25-Jun-19 23:34:35

I’ve always been a big of a worrier but anxiety has been the bane of my existence for many years. The only thing that works for me is medication - Sertraline. Have moved house about nineteen times and lived in several countries - all very stressful. No longer enjoy overseas holidays, too much anxiety. We enjoy short European breaks or city breaks in U.K. Hot countries always avoided as heat contributes to my anxiety!

Glammy57 Tue 25-Jun-19 23:35:30

bit of a worrier!

50ShadesofGreyMatter Wed 26-Jun-19 00:52:57

You have to retrain your brain. I was making myself ill with worry over my adult daughter until I came to the realisation that if/when she came to me for help I would be no good to her if I was a basket case. From then on I started working on myself. When you start to worry, put those thoughts firmly inside a box in your head and padlock it shut. I now have lots of boxes 😁 it might sound daft but the more you practice the easier it gets.
Repeat this many times a day, "I may not have control over what happens to me in life but I do have control over how I respond to what happens to me". Also this: "If you can't fix the problem in 5 minutes let it go, cos your time is better spent working on something you can achieve".

Katyj Wed 26-Jun-19 06:28:32

hollie57. I feel your pain and anxiety.Were on day 5 in our new home, and I feel exactly like you.Everything that could go wrong has and more besides.I feel ill and know we need to eat properly, but even Dh has no apitite. I went out yesterday in the car and found myself driving down the road were we used to live, house before last, got to the bottom of the road before I realised where I was! .Think I need a holiday in a very familiar place.Hope you settle soon, I'm hoping the sun might make a difference, when it decides to shine.

Sweetness1 Wed 26-Jun-19 07:43:41

Okimherenow..thankyou for positive suggestion of the self help book and counsellor.

TerriBull Wed 26-Jun-19 08:07:47

dolly56, if it's any comfort, you are not alone. I see worse case scenarios around every corner, I think that has escalated since the menopause, and from everything I read, worrying does seem a facet of that condition.

luluaugust Wed 26-Jun-19 09:03:22

I thought I had got better at handling the worry but have realised that an event last has week triggered a few sleepless nights and now I am worrying about everything. I have a Drs appointment which I have waited ages for as I think I need to go back to the Consultant who dealt with my shoulder and have got really worked up in case the GP says I can't, I know this is irrational.

DillytheGardener Wed 26-Jun-19 09:24:36

Cognitive behaviour therapy is a effective treatment for what sounds like in your case anxiety. Anxiety can gradually become crippling, perhaps when you’re back at home ask your doctor to refer you for CBT. I’d pay however, the waiting lists a long and you’d probably only need a few sessions.

Dawn22 Wed 26-Jun-19 13:16:51

I have had a bad case of anticipatory anxiety for the last few years.

Anyone else have experience of that?

I think it is a rotten form of anxiety. Am trying everything.
Best wishes. Dawn

SueSocks Wed 26-Jun-19 15:23:18

Dawn22, me too. I start a course of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) next month. It is a group course suggested by my GP. I had a phone consultation with a mental health worker to discuss my issues, she suggested this course, I don't think it is just CBT, I think it is more than that, the focus seems to be on dealing and coping with the anxiety - I think this is what I need. I am in Sussex, but there are probably courses elsewhere.
Good luck.

grammargran Wed 26-Jun-19 19:09:46

I think people belong basically to one of two groups - the What If-ers and the So What-ers. If only I could belong to the latter ......

oldgimmer1 Thu 27-Jun-19 07:19:14

@juliet: I'm not the only one, then!

Thanks to the poster upthread who posted a link, I've realised that my worry is mainly related to letting others down, be it at work (my main worry), my relatives or even random strangers sometimes. I seem to have a very highly developed sense of responsibility which I can't shake off.

I've recently been "cut off" by a relative in whose life I probably meddled too much due to feeling overly responsible for him.

I should have just let him be. sad

Haydnpat Thu 27-Jun-19 12:56:02

I too suffer from this, it's horrible

moonbeames Thu 27-Jun-19 21:45:12

I am a worrier as well, I have to struggle daily not to frighten myself with "what if's" I am exercising a lot which helps. Sometimes I think its good to worry a bit and in your case I think it is pretty normal. In a caravan somewhere just the two of you. As others have said, make a few plans such as phone numbers and contacts to ring in case you need them on your travels. I think there would even be caravan clubs that you could join to hook up with others in the same boat. Go girl.

RillaofIngleside Sun 30-Jun-19 08:28:13

Have you always worried? Or is it a more recent thing?
I never worried about anything until about 5 years ago when I developed gradually an obsessive anxiety about illness, insurance, tax , you name it. I would obsessively worry about having a form of cancer till I researched it away then started on the next. I could barely function and thought i would have to give up my job.
Then I realised that it coincided with taking statins and my cholesterol being pushed down low. I took advice and stopped the statins. I began to feel better almost immediately and now am just about back to normal although I think my body has unfortunately learned to fear so i still react to insurance!
My cousin had a similar reaction to a different drug.
It's worth considering if it could be drug induced if it is a new anxiety. My nurse wanted to put me on HRT. A drug to counter the effects of another drug. No thanks!
And my cholesterol has remained at acceptable levels without the statins.

Chewbacca Sun 30-Jun-19 09:02:04

Thank God I'm not alone. I thought I was going mad.

Anniebach Sun 30-Jun-19 09:13:42

I so want to be a ‘so what - er’ ,

BradfordLass72 Sun 30-Jun-19 09:54:40

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it but chronic worry and anxiety often begins after menopause.

Sounds like it could be that oestrogen strengthens us when we need it most (protecting young?) and then tails away leaving us as worry worts.

Just guessing, I haven't researched it. Yet. smile

Anniebach Sun 30-Jun-19 11:01:12

Then I need oestrogen

oldgimmer1 Sun 30-Jun-19 11:38:20

Exercise works well for me too.

Can I join the wannabe "so-whater" club?