Listening more than talking

Morning all-I’ve been emailed by a long time friend to ask if I’m free this afty for her to call-she’s been v busy so I’ll make a drink, get comfy (or put phone on speaker and find a job to do!) while she tells me ALL about everything. At some point she’ll throw me completely and suddenly ask how I am and family too and go completely silent-that’s my turn, see?-then straight back into listening! Good job I can ?

Alexa

PS if I said what really interests me most people would run a mile.

so, what is it ?????

No, Welbeck, thanks! I am not psycho just an idiot more so than most.

Alexa,
taxidermy ?
butchery for beginners ?
how to make friends and scam people ?
how i achieved humbleness, in ten volumes ?

gi's us a clue !
or is it too horrid to mention...

most of us cannot afford that alas, at least i cannot.

I trained in psychotherapy but for personal reasons didn't take my residential final exams. Might still do so. It's good to listen. What I am recommending is a professional who will listen because they are trained and paid to do so. Just a thought.

PS if I said what really interests me most people would run a mile.

I don't have anyone to talk to me apart from my kind sons, and I'd welcome some friendly person who wants to talk to me. My two friends who I talked with over the phone are dead and I don't leave my house and garden.

I managed an exchange with the Tesco man yesterday I asked was his cab warm enough and he said he'd had to take his coat off. I'd like to have cuddled him but of course I could not say any such thing and I cuddled my dog.

Well said Welbeck

That message is for you Newatthis

And how IS your new grand-daughter? HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you & all your family
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy

A friend of mine says she waits for a gap and says “And now it’s my turn”!

Thank you Peardrop . So far so good. He has been in remission for 6 years. We were lucky. My poor friend's husband wasn't.

Kate1949, gosh it must be difficult to hear that 'you have no idea' when clearly you absolutely do. Hope things are going well for you both.

Some people forget that conversation is a two way thing. If you are really feeling that you would like to off load, and talk openly without any judgement, where the time is all just for you, and for you to talk about all that's troubling you, please phone the Samaritans. They are always open and are there to listen to you, just talking about things really can help.

Oh and. . .some folk are hard of hearing too! When I asked a long time friend who talks a lot about herself(she was an indulged only child) and she seemed not to hear I PERSISTED and asked if she’d heard me and did she think she might have hearing problems? DEFINITELY NOT!!

Wow! What a can of worms I opened! Glad to hear it’s not just me! As OP said I know God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth to listen more than talk but, honestly, some folk do go on don’t they? I like the radiator/drain analogy. Funnily enough the good friend I’d had the walk and talk with is SO involved with many folk, helping out etc. So I have to hear all about them and their problems. I made a new friend a few years ago and we just hit it off and have lovely conversations. She’s recently bereaved and has no DGC so I’m always careful about what we talk about (little GC boasting from me!). I have to remind DH when I encourage his to ring his lonely sister to listen more than talk. You’d think by the time you get to our age you’d know that wouldn’t you? I have noticed that few of the “coronials” folk I make contact with rarely ring me back although they DO say they’re glad I called! Oh dear this is beginning to make me sound saintly which I’m not at all-just exasperated and as fed up with this tedium as everyone else!

Yes Peardrop it does make you feel better to have a reasonable conversation.
The person I had the difficult conversation with last week has had a rotten time, which is why I phoned her. Her DH died of cancer a couple of years ago. She tells me every aspect of his illness and treatment, hospital visits, scans etc every time I call. It was really awful for her. However, she says ''you have no idea'
My DH has the same cancer, fortunately in remission at present. We had all the visits, scans, 37 days of radiotherapy etc. I get a bit miffed at the 'you have no idea'.

How lovely nana5852 to make a new good friend.

I have so enjoyed reading this thread. So thanks to all the above contributors. I sense a mood of, justifiable, fed-upness. I understand and share some of the above experiences of being taken for granted. I just wanted to interject with my very positive experience of finding a friend in the time of Covid. A fellow volunteer at our local charity shop has been popping round from time to time with gifts of home grown produce. We sit in the garden and natter companionably. I have enjoyed learning about her life and family. I have no idea if anyone hogs more of the conversational time than the other. The listening has been interesting and the talking easy. To connect with another person is a joy.
The ego-centric chat hoggers aren’t really looking to connect. We are all likely to be needy and greedy with others from time to time. Some folk seem to get stuck in that way of being. Annoying, but what a lot they are missing.

it's tricky isn't it.
years ago i knew a very interesting woman, well she'd had an interesting life, much older than me.
she shared a lot of her life with me, not really a conversation, but difficult times she had lived through and not spoken of.
it felt a bit like counselling. i felt she needed to talk it out, and i felt honoured that she trusted me.
so i assumed there was some connection between us.
but now i'm not so sure. i've had similar experiences since.
i guess that's why people speak with a counsellor or confessor, rather than a friend.
perhaps i got it wrong. it was not a sign of friendship, almost the opposite, a sign that i was not a friend, so could function as a listening ear.
that was at the beginning of our acquaintance. which began when she asked me to give her a lift to a cathedral to hear a speaker.
later she would ramble on about obscure relatives of past neighbours, and i would be baffled. who cares. they were not her intimates. why did she even waste her mind on that.
she also went through the rubbish bin of her lodger, told me that he'd had a take-away. i said that was his business.
she said i've got to know what is going on in my house.
they never stayed long, the lodgers.

I must say, in my job as a ward receptionist, I'm always on the receiving end of someone who wants to talk a lot. I don't mind that, as the patients and/or relatives need to offload or to ask questions.

One of my friends keeps in touch daily, by texts. She's 39, so much younger than me.

We tell each other about our day/meals we've made, exciting stuff like that , but whenever we meet up or chat on the 'phone, she yaps on about herself and her husband/holidays/kid/savings/how successful her husband is, etc., etc.

Almost as an afterthought (about 10 minutes before the end of a 1 hour chat), she'll ask how I am or she'll ask about my family. I can only think she must be lonely/insecure.

I always find myself listening rather than talking too. Next door neighbour being a prime example also! She never ever asks me a thing about myself. I don't care atm with lockdown I haven't got anything to talk about anyway. I feel like my world has really shrunk.

I knew someone like that as well V3ra not advisable to ask how he was or you got every last detail of his symptoms, every intimate medical investigation he had undergone. His wife would stand behind him waving her hand and mouthing "don't ask"