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How often do you see grandkids?

(101 Posts)
AbbieS9812 Fri 09-Apr-21 18:12:19

Hello everyone smile my little girl is 14months old. I was wondering how often you all see grandkids?
i love my MIL to bits, i really do. But her work schedule is about to change which give her lots of free days. I get lots of comments about how she can have those free days dedicated to spending time with us. Its not that I dont like her company, I do but sometimes I just need space to just breath. Things have died down but at one point I'd be getting visited 5 times each week. I dont want this again, I need space to clean the house, go out, run errands and such. I'm a stay at home mum but that doesnt mean I have all the time in the world. I will say no when the times comes, but is expecting to see the baby this much normal? I know I'm not in the wrong when im busy, but is it wrong to not want to see her when I'm not busy? Fil doesnt see baby during the week, only weekends. If I decided not to visit am I preventing them from seeing baby? I live 3 mins away, I do wonder why its always on me to visit them but at the same time I can leave when I want.

Speldnan Mon 12-Apr-21 17:02:27

I see mine every week when it’s school holidays, occasionally during lockdown (pre vaccine) as I’m in a bubble with them. And every couple of weeks when they’re at school. They are 9 and 5 years old and live an hours drive away. I have 2 in New Zealand who I’ve only ever seen once or twice in their 10 and 5 years ( very sadly)

TrendyNannie6 Mon 12-Apr-21 17:00:20

Five times a week goodness me poor you! I’d wonder if she’s got a life at all, you must do what you feel is right for you, like you say you have to breathe, you don’t have to explain yourself either love, do what you feel is right for you, no it’s not wrong to not want to see her when you are not busy, your child your rules,

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 16:57:11

Do you make these "rules" up as you go along or are they published in the How To Create Conflict In Families Rule Book #1?

Good question Chewbacca

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 16:55:44

Yes, staying at home is a more than full time job and the person manages his/her own calendar

Absolutely. But that has got nothing to do with her DH having to present for all MILs visits etc etc!!

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 16:54:18

His mother, his time, his responsibility

confused !!

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 16:52:35

All visits should happen when her son (your dh) is there present to host her and visits have been coordinated by him too

Why on earth would that be the case?

H1954 Mon 12-Apr-21 16:50:27

Is there a reason why MIL doesn't want to spend time with FIL? Maybe visiting the GC is her way of escape? If she works surely her time off is taken up with shopping, chores etc?
Either way, I can think of nothing worse that having any relative dropping in every single day but I don't think it's the sons place to sort this out. OP needs to set the boundaries for herself.

Buffy Mon 12-Apr-21 16:33:12

Don’t feel guilty. Once a week would be ideal in my view. It would easier if it were your own Mother and not your husband’s. Can he talk to her? She must be very bored and lonely to want so much contact. She needs a life of her own too.

Chinesecrested Mon 12-Apr-21 16:20:31

I probably see mine twice a week, but that's not enough for dgs8. He'd like me to move in with them really. He cried last time I saw him and didn't want me to go. Remember that the children develop love, wants and wishes of their own, which may be different from yours.

Alypoole Mon 12-Apr-21 16:03:59

Has anyone had blocked tear ducts treated successfully?

Chewbacca Mon 12-Apr-21 15:46:03

Some mothers don’t want a break. And some do. Some don’t want their child away from them at such a young age. And some are glad to have the chance to have an hour to themselves.
Especially at such a young age. When they've had sleepless nights because their child is teething etc. The OP does not have to hand her child over to appease the MIL. No one, as far as I can see, has said she does. confused

Which proves, once again, that communication is the best way forward so that assumptions on both sides are avoided.

Bibbity Mon 12-Apr-21 15:17:08

Some mothers don’t want a break. Some don’t want their child away from them at such a young age.
Especially at such a young age. The OP does not have to hand her child over to appease the MIL.

Hithere Mon 12-Apr-21 14:49:54

Then it has to come from the mother to the mil, not the other way round.

Chewbacca Mon 12-Apr-21 14:37:37

Is this for the benefit or mil or the child? Or the mother, so that she gets a break and has a bit of time to herself?

SuzieHi Mon 12-Apr-21 14:37:30

Maybe see if she’d like to look after your daughter once a week, for a few hours on her own- at her house. You can then have some time to yourself. One other time with you & hubby & child each week should be enough- maybe alternate between your house and theirs? Not necessarily at weekends as you must want some free time for other family or friends?

Hithere Mon 12-Apr-21 14:31:31

"I don’t understand why you can’t drop off your daughter for your Mil to look after."

Is this for the benefit or mil or the child?

Scentia Mon 12-Apr-21 14:24:03

I see my DD and DGS once a week on a Wednesday and then I take DGS on a walk on a Sunday morning. Sometimes DD will stay at ours if her DH is offshore but I am at work anyway.

MrsChips Mon 12-Apr-21 14:20:42

I don’t understand why you can’t drop off your daughter for your Mil to look after. If you’re only 3 mins away, then you could easily pop back if anything crops up. This would give you free time to get on with the housework, or anything else. If she has her for a morning twice a week then she’ll probably find that exhausting and not require any more days.

Cs783 Mon 12-Apr-21 13:01:15

Supporting you here. It’s up to you to set the pace, plus of course (you are being very considerate) being kind in your manner with MiL. I have 3 GC - love them all and feel privileged to have contact of whatever sort their parents make possible. Contact ranges from daily to weekly to a few times a year.

jocork Mon 12-Apr-21 12:29:25

Sounds to me as if she hasn't enough interests etc in her life, to want to spend so much time with her grandchild. Obviously some grandparents spend more time if they give childcare, but as you are a stay-at-home mum that isn't necessary. You need to set boundaries now. I had a MiL who announced how frequently she wanted to see my eldest shortly after her birth. It wasn't too frequent as they lived over an hour's drive away, but even then it sometimes became too much, as it involved entertaining them for most of a day, including meals. I sometimes had to point out how infrequently we saw my DM who lived much further away!
When I was a child I saw my grandparents once a week. They were only a few miles away. Maybe start a regular pattern around your other commitments and don't neglect time for your own friends and interests.

Summerstorm Mon 12-Apr-21 12:07:28

Should say love not live

Summerstorm Mon 12-Apr-21 12:06:21

Why not arrange with her to take the children/child out for an afternoon a couple of regular times a week. That would allow you ME time to do housework/shopping/long soak in the bath etc. I live my grandchildren and their parents but nothing beats one on one time with my sons/daughter/grandchildren and maybe occasionally let your partner take your son/ daughter out on his own

icanhandthemback Mon 12-Apr-21 12:00:42

There is no right or wrong amount as long as access to a loving relationship is encouraged for the sake of the child. I rarely took my son around to my MIL's but her son used to visit at least once a week with him. She would have always been welcome to come over at any time but chose not to. She was a lovely lady but she wasn't somebody I would have chosen to visit 5 times a week!

Goingtobeagranny Mon 12-Apr-21 12:00:40

I see my granddaughters most days. My son and daughter-in-law both work and I do childcare. We live next door to each other and share all outside space. We all come and go from each other’s house like we live together but we also do stuff on our own and there’s never been an issue with overstaying our/their welcome and we are quite happy to speak up if we/they want some peace. I know we are very lucky and our set up is unusual.

Helenlouise3 Mon 12-Apr-21 11:57:12

When our first grandchild was born, we had him overnight either every Friday or Saturday night, so that mum and dad (both working fulltime) could have some "me time". When the second came along it went to once a fortnight etc. We have four from our son ranging from 20 to 13 and we pop in when we can -no prior arrangement is ever made, but we only stay around 1/2 hr. They live 7 miles away. My daughter's two are 9 and 8 and I see them every day as they go to the school I work in. Again we pop in when we feel like it and they do the same here. They only lie 3 miles away. We've never had a problem and both families know that we'd stop everything at the drop of a hat if we were needed.