Grandson bitten at playschool

Very young children often bite. I agree it isn't nice, but children have to learn to cope with upsetting events, making a big issue of the incident and allowing your grandchild to stay at home isn't helping and could quite easily make him a target to bullies as he gets older. By all means reassure your grandchild and speak to the staff, but keep thing in perspective.

As a former teacher, and mother of three, this does happen with children now and again. The school will deal with it - keep an eye for infection - the human bite is one of the worst for bacteria. As a student my daughter was in the Cambridge women’s rugby team and received a terrible bite from one of the opposing team - her arm swelled with a massive infection - regular hospital visits for a few weeks - Needless to say I was furious- don’t know what action was taken against the biter - if any!

This isn't at all unusual. Sadly, once a child has been bitten, they sometimes bite others.

My grandson went through a stage of biting others. Nursery dealt with it and told us lots of children do it and not to worry as it generally passes quickly and it did. He learned other ways to deal with frustration and be patient. He has also been bitten. It’s not nice of course but, unless seriously wounding another child, not the end of the world.

It happens, many children find their teeth and have a go at biting. I wouldn’t make too big an issue out of it and I would ask the staff to sort it out.

Ah bless I would like to think I would leave it in the hands of nursery to deal with im sure they have had to deal with it on many occasions before. I know it’s difficult but try not to make a big deal about it in front of your grandson and he will forget in time. I used to be a childminder and if any of the children bite I’d make the child that did it say sorry and I’d inform parents normally it’s a one off thing. My sons never bite and all my grandkids have never bite as of yet but I do have a 3yr grandson Too and I’d hate it if someone did it too him. Just give him lots of nanna hugs

Blondiescot

Happens all the time and it's no big deal. The more fuss you make, the more they will make. My friend's daughter was 'expelled' (for want of a better word) from her first nursery for biting - she's now a paramedic.

I was just about to say the same Blondiescot. It is all part of of childhood behaviour and the people in charge of the biting child have to make their child aware that it is unacceptable. One of my boys used to sink his teeth into you with unerring accuracy with your softer, more painful spots. Nothing I said made a difference until he bit me somewhere which was particularly tender and I bit him back. He never bit again!

My son's best friend bit my son a couple of times and on the last occasion, the friend was older than the norm as he was 7. My son just said to him that if ever did it again, the friendship was well and truly over. Strangely enough it never happened again. Kids learn with the right message.

Happens all the time and it's no big deal. The more fuss you make, the more they will make. My friend's daughter was 'expelled' (for want of a better word) from her first nursery for biting - she's now a paramedic.

Don't keep bringing the subject up. Let him forget. It was a small not unusual incident. Don't fuss. He'll have worse to face as he gets older.

ElaineI, it is true that these things can be learning experiences. However, when there is an ongoing problem, a wrong lesson can be learned by the child too. They can learn to accept being hurt or treated badly, they can learn that no-one is going to help them so they just have to accept whatever is dealt out, or they can learn that they don't deserve to be treated badly and it is okay to stand up to such behaviour. This is important when they get into personal relationships later and for their developing sense of self-worth. Too many of us, especially girls, have been told to 'be nice' and not stand up for ourselves. We need to turn this around.

CafeAuLait

ElaineI

Sounds like the play school dealt with it appropriately. When something like that happens I think you have to tell the victim - after comforting - that it was not a good thing to bite and the other child was a bit cross but this is what you do about it - eg. say "please stop" and tell the grown up and the grown up will fix it. Hopefully the staff will keep a close eye for some time.

Fair enough and I accepted it had been dealt with when my child was bitten at preschool. Had my child been bitten a second time by the same child, I would have followed up and expected more action. I would not have sent my child back to a place where she is repeatedly hurt. She doesn't deserve that and I couldn't allow her to be in a place she would clearly not be safe.

I agree if it happened a second time with same child definitely should be followed up. But other things happen at play school and small children may never have experienced pushing, fighting over a toy (especially these days unless they have siblings) so sometimes it helps to show them how to deal with it. DGS1 often explains to his sister what she should do at nursery if someone hurts/upsets her and she listens to him and mummy. Mummy teaches P1 and she and her colleagues are having a difficult start to the term as many of the new beginners have barely had any time in nursery, play school etc because of covid and some have had little contact with other children their own age and have no idea how to react, play with others or listen and obey instructions like "Put your water bottle in your basket" never mind "sit on the mat". If she has a group for literacy or numeracy the rest of the class are running riot - racing round, destroying play areas, climbing over desks. And these children are all 5 or nearly 5 as the January/February birthday children were all deferred this year. They need a classroom assistant really but there are not enough. It's not just pupils in later years that have had their education disrupted but also the youngest pupils and probably children at nursery. DGD is 4, 5 in February, could have gone to school this year as she is very bright, huge imagination, can recognise letters and numbers (obsessed with numbers up to 100 at the moment) but has been deferred because of the disruption to her nursery placement. She has an older sibling so used to fighting for attention but is still learning how to deal with conflict with her friends, people hurting her and how to obey instructions from her teachers. Small children learn these things at early learning settings and it can be just as important as learning literacy and numeracy.

My daughters little friend was a biter.
He bit her just under her eye, once, and his mum was mortified.
I had to take her to the gp because she looked like she'd been beaten up.

We separated them and they spent all afternoon looking at eachother through a knot hole in the fence panel and crying because they missed one another.

ElaineI

Sounds like the play school dealt with it appropriately. When something like that happens I think you have to tell the victim - after comforting - that it was not a good thing to bite and the other child was a bit cross but this is what you do about it - eg. say "please stop" and tell the grown up and the grown up will fix it. Hopefully the staff will keep a close eye for some time.

Fair enough and I accepted it had been dealt with when my child was bitten at preschool. Had my child been bitten a second time by the same child, I would have followed up and expected more action. I would not have sent my child back to a place where she is repeatedly hurt. She doesn't deserve that and I couldn't allow her to be in a place she would clearly not be safe.

Thanks Faye I m so glad you took my post the way it was intended as I didn’t want to be harsh but kids learn everything from us so we have to teach them that everything is going to be fine

Welcome wise words Blue Belle, kindly delivered
Thankyou

I m agreeing with others It’s so so important to play it down (without obviously dismissing it if he wants to say something to you about it) but the very best way is to let it completely die down it’s been dealt with and dealt with well by the sounds of it , he’s back at school he ll forget about it in a few days
It won’t be the last knock he gets, so without being unkind can you toughen up a little bit, when you said I can’t look at it as I d cry my eyes out That is not good for you or him He will get lots of bumps and scrapes and black eyes, and broken bits over his childhood but that a boys life (sometimes a girls) you being so worried and weepy is the worst thing, you can feel it inside but you must show him how to be brave it might be how ‘you are’ but you have to change that part of you or else he will grow up frightened of his own shadow and always the victim
When he falls you brush him down and tell him he’s fine if you are a mess of emotion he will be too

With rethinking over and over = processing it

OP

You are way over involved with your gs. You need to take 1000 back and stop projecting your feelings and anxiety on him.

You cannot help him, he has to solve his life bumps and events by himself, you cannot do it for him.

It is only a bite! How are you going to react if he is bullied, made fun of, excluded from an event, etc...?

Life is hard and you cannot protect it from it.
He needs to learn to navigate it himself

No wonder he doesnt want to go back to school when the adults around him are so upset for just a bite.

OP

It is not unusual for kids that age to bite, kick, etc.

Your worry of your gs rethinking about it over and over again is your own, not his.

Forget it happened and dont hype it up. His main carers and daycare have dealt with it appropriately

It happens.
My mother who would now be 105 if still us, was bitten on the bottom by my cousin. He declared his love for her with a cuddle and a bite he was definitely under 5 we all loved that story and it helped when considering biting children.

Sounds like the play school dealt with it appropriately. When something like that happens I think you have to tell the victim - after comforting - that it was not a good thing to bite and the other child was a bit cross but this is what you do about it - eg. say "please stop" and tell the grown up and the grown up will fix it. Hopefully the staff will keep a close eye for some time.

My son was a biter up until he was 3. I remember being so upset when he was told he wasn’t welcome at a play group. We tried everything but in moments of frustration he used to bite, his poor sister suffered the worst. We were advised that when he bit remove him from the situation, tell him its wrong and make him apologise. He had stopped by the time he went to the school nursery and grew into a kind, sensitive person who is now 34!!

Oops my son was a biter. There I’ve said it. I was mortified. He wasn’t aggressive then and he’s not aggressive now, he was a two year old who didn’t know how to behave with other children. My daughter was bitten and scratched by another child at nursery and they dealt with it. It’s not nice but it’s something some children do, for many reasons. We need to support our children to survive in the world without transmitting our own anxieties to them.

I can't look at it as I'd burst into tears in front of him which I know would be anything but helpful but thats who I am

I'm really sorry to be harsh but you need to woman up! How on earth can you demonstrate resilience to your grandson when you're being so pathetic. Seriously you need to consider why he is nervous about going back when this is the message he is getting from you. I say this as a totally besotted grandmother of a 2 year old.

Please , play this down for your GS sake. A very unpleasant thing to happen and I understand how distressing it is for you. The biting child is not destined to grow into an aggressive person. , and no doubt the parents are mortified!! It is something my children were not guilty of or subjected to . However as a nursery worker in the past I know it happens! Don't worry I am sure your GS will regain confidence about attending nursery if the adults around him deal with it appropriately- which I am sure they will.

Feeling better about it going forward having read all your kind & helpful replies - lovely to have this forum to run to; it's like a warm hug
His Dad just told me he's in school today so fingers crossed. Thankyou all very much ?