Tired of being the 'every other weekend' girlfriend

He isn't doing anything wrong. He's just not what you want. Be kind to both of you and finish with him.

Have you ever had him and his children stay at yours for any weekends he has them?
If you were intending this to be a longlasting relationship, then his children would need to be included, too!
But, I think you have your answer already and you should tell the man it isn't working out.
As for his mum, maybe the poor woman has an inkling of things and just doesn't want him having a string of girlfriends under her roof!

When people show you who they are, believe them “...the first time”
I love that quote from Maya Angelou.
It’s so true.

I've asked to speak to him about the situation and aid I'm unhappy. This isn't the first time we've had this talk. He is trying to start his life again after divorce but he's been spending money on fancy clothes etc and hasn't made any moves to find a place to live. I can't afford to carry someone else financially. As far as love goes, I'm very wary of falling in love after the last partner threw me under a bus so I've probably had my guard up, despite my current squeeze being a childhood friend. That's what makes this so hard.

Which part of “it’s not working” don’t you understand?
Life’s too short to be wasted with another person who is not on the same tracks as you. You sound like an energetic amazing woman who deserves a kindred spirit.
Get out before you waste another weekend on this chap. He’s not the one for you.

He sounds like a perfectly nice man trying to sort out his life but the living with his mother and preference for same routines seems to make him incompatible for you…. Maybe keep him as a friend if you can but no romantic relationship. Your heart is not in it.

My friend's daughter was in a similar situation. Met a really nice man online, steady NHS job, all good. Then it settled into a boring routine. He would see her twice a week, cook dinner, then she cooked dinner. Never really went anywhere,no trips outings. He was lodging with a colleague, no plans for his own place.
On her birthday he turned up for 2 hours. Gave her a present and left to go out with his mates. She asked him to accompany her to a friends wedding and he said no.
So after the wedding she said Goodbye as the relationship was going nowhere.
OP you should do the same it's a dead end relationship. Don't waste your time

This isn't about being the "every other weekend" girlfriend. Its about how you are being treated on those weekends and on other occasions!! And the fact he isn't listening/getting it. And the fact that his mother is dictating to such an extent ...although I do accept it is her home!

Doesn't sound like you are happy in this relationship, unsurprisingly!

Don’t you feel you’re being used? It sounds like that. If you only spend time with someone every other weekend it’s not much of a relationship - why bother?

The fact that you're not enjoying the relationship - and are questioning it and future plans - is evidence that it's not working. Don't expect others to change, just end it.

If you feel like this in your mid forties then I think it may be time to move on. He sounds very set in his ways and there are a few red flags in your post. I think at the very least you need to have an honest conversation with him and be up front about what you want from life. If he doesn’t want the same, then move on.

I completely agree with Sparklefizz here, When people show you who they are, believe them.

What you see is not what you get. It's what they are.

Sad for him really. You can move on but his life sounds dire. I wouldn't want to be him.

You are obviously not compatible, don't know why you are still together.

Move on fast, no point in waiting as you’re incompatible, unhappy and you have higher aspirations!

He's not going to change.
He's had 2 years to make improvements and he's done nothing.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

You're not compatible.

I feel rather sorry for this man he sounds as if he’s trying to start again in all areas
You have a moan because he gives you a nice present but not a card !!! Blimey
I don’t think you’re compatible but I m not sure it’s all his fault you re just different people wanting different things
I don’t think you should try and change him
Move on if you don’t love him..ll. I haven’t seen that word mentioned

What do you do with your time when you are not with this man?

Do you have other friends or interests?

Maybe you should try to build life away from this relationship. After all, one weekend every two weeks isn't much of a relationship anyway.

You sound like a hard working determined person. Could you encourage him to have a proper plan to get out of his current situation that he will agree to. If he does agree but there is no progress after say, six months, I would very seriously consider calling it a day as I suspect this relationship will never change.

I'm dreading the weekend he's due to come over

I feel this says a lot. If you don't look forward to seeing him it seems that this relationship is not working for you. You deserve better than this.

Don’t carry on with a relationship that you are in two minds about.
Better to be alone or look for somebody who fits the criteria you are hoping for.Ultimately better for him and his children too.Good luck.

I really could not be bothered with all the hassle this relationship seems to bring, apart from that you just don't have anything in common. This is only my opinion but sadly this relationship is not going to work. I really don't understand why he has to live with his mother. If he does not want/cannot afford to buy a house, he could rent. Is he waiting for you to suggest that he moves in, so you can take over from where his mum left off? Im sorry if this comes across as hurtful, but it is my honest opinion. Personally, I would be happier on my own than with this man.

Whether you’re being over ‘critical or have a point’ is neither here nor there. You’ve really answered your own problem. It’s not working is it? Just finish.

Time to move on.
I notice you didn’t mention your passion for the man. How you can’t wait to be in his arms, how you spend all your time when he is away FaceTiming or phoning each other….
You are a convenient bolt hole each other weekend. Act accordingly.

If you like him, continue to have the occasional date but no more than that. I feel that you will eventually come to resent him which is not good.

You seem to have done well in planning your life over the last couple of years - long may you continue with your upward trend.

only you know what you want or can accept.

I think you're just at different stages - he's not long out of his marriage and has teenaged children and is back living with his mother, and you're more settled.

And as he's a long-distance lorry driver I can understand why he would go cycling in his leisure time.