I didnt want to mess up the Divorce thread with my issues, but I have a question about taking sides.
My son and dil were married 5 yrs, one little girl. Every day dil went to her mom's with the child (she moved 2 doors down after granchild was born) dil was never really domestic, my son cleaned, shopped, and cooked meals, she would come home after spending all day at her mum's, I thought it was odd, but its son's marriage, not mine. He was happy.
Then out of the blue dil faked marriage problems in order to fly out of town to "think about their marriage" but turns out she went to meet a man she met online.
(no marriage is perfect, I know, but before this trip everything was normal - she spent evenings online social media too much and son plays online video games too much but neither had complained to anyone of troubles.)
She lied to her husband, parents and child about why/where she was going.
She came back and it was found out on social media where and who she was with.
She said nothing happened, but wants wants nothing to do with being a wife now. Moved in with her parents with their child, Suddenly her family is acting like this is normal after being shocked and angry at first now everything is fine, I received a series of texts from her mother, going on and on about how they are trying very hard to get them back together but they keep stopping son from trying to talk with her alone. She just keeps saying "i don't want to talk about it" and her parents are ok with that. They are also hinting that my son was not the perfect husband (is there even such a thing???) and he shares the blame equally for their troubles. Ok, fine, let them talk about it!
After yet another text from her mother telling me how wonderful they are and how hard they are trying to fix the kid's marriage, and saying that son is to blame too - I had enough and I blasted back that if they would just butt out and let the kids work it out it would be much better!
She wrote back that I was a horrible person to say that and if they stopped "helping" the kids it would end up in court and implied that it would get nasty. She texted that they even called "the other guy" and texted with him over and over and saying they would fly there and tell him off in person if they had to, that is how hard they are working for this marriage -
I wrote back that they have interfered in the marriage too much already and to leave them alone! She freaked and wrote some nasty stuff, dil texted me too saying that we never accepted her, and she was always alone and no one talked to her........total lies and I have tons of family photos of her happy, and laughing over the years that proved we loved her and accepted her.
So now, child is not allowed to visit us, my son is forbidden to bring her here by his wife. We can meet at parks or at his house but never here. Not for Christmas, not for Easter, not for anything. They constantly threaten him with judges not liking this or that.
Once when I came over to sons house to visit the mother texted my son "Remember, judges don't like people who talk behind other's backs..."
My son is now ok with things, he lives in the family home, child visits every day, and he doesnt want a divorce because he would only get child on weekends. He loves being a daddy. He is scared to death he will lose his child to them if he doesnt play by their rules. So as long as he gets to see his daughter every day, he pretends everything is fine. And he wants me to also.
What he doesnt get though is that I now I can't stand dil and her parents! He wants me to say hi to them if I see them out and about, come over even if they are over. He once asked me to the zoo with them coming too - and I'm supposed to go over for the granddaughter's bday soon and I don't want to! Makes me sick to even think about seeing them again. I went last year before the texting and she had the gall to bring up a lie about my other son in law - (he is a "yelling" father, but he has never ever been physical to their child, but according to her, he's a child abuser. Not her business at all)
I love my grandchildren very much, but they are already turning her against us. I called the other day and grandaughter answered and after hearing my voice she said "Ick, I thought it was MY grandma calling" and gave the phone to son.
My question is this.....how do I NOT take sides? I just can't fake it and be nice to them anymore even if it means not seeing my grandchild on her birthday.....is that awful of me?
Good Morning Friday 19th April 2024
