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Love letters 💘

(63 Posts)
tanith Sat 19-Oct-19 15:22:57

I was sorting through some papers this morning and came across letters and cards that my husband and I exchanged early in our relationship. I spent an hour reading and reminiscing and weeping as DH sadly died a year ago a bitter sweet morning.
Now I wouldn’t want my family reading them for various reasons so I’m now not sure what to do with them, keep, which I would prefer or dispose of now in case future events mean they are read after I’m gone as none of us know what tomorrow may bring.

What would you do?

WOODMOUSE49 Sat 19-Oct-19 15:30:11

If you can't dispose of them yourself, could you leave them with close friend or solicitor (if they keep your will etc). Instructions are to destroy them on your death.

They are always there then if you want to read them again.

I wish I had the letters my DH wrote when we met in 1968. We lived 100 miles away from each other then.. Snail post then was only choice.

Nico97 Sat 19-Oct-19 16:05:41

flowers tanith . Much as Woodmouse suggests but instead of destroying them on your death what about leaving them in a sealed envelope and instructing that they be buried/cremated with you ?

Namsnanny Sat 19-Oct-19 16:08:32

Nico97... what a good idea!

SisterAct Sat 19-Oct-19 16:12:25

I have some letters my mum and dad sent to each other in the war, which are wonderful and general chit chat with bits of news etc

When Dad died she found her love letters to him and my mum burnt his and hers when her health deteriorated. When she told me what she had done I was sad for her but she said they were always in her heart and they were for their eyes only.

WOODMOUSE49 Sat 19-Oct-19 16:21:52

Nico97

Excellent thought.

Nannyxthree Sat 19-Oct-19 16:21:53

I decided to get rid of most of mine and just keep a couple. None of them said anything which could not have been read by anyone else but I didn't want that to happen. I don't regret it as I still have the sender!

Grandma70s Sat 19-Oct-19 16:22:39

I threw mine away. I didn’t want anyone else to read them. I can’t remember exactly what I did with them, but I didn’t find it a difficult decision.

Isn’t it sad to think that with the computer and the iPhone there probably won’t be any proper letters in the future?

Oopsminty Sat 19-Oct-19 16:24:25

My father had a box of 'stuff' with a note telling us to destroy after his death.

My sister wanted to open it

I didn't

I won... as usual

Greenfinch Sat 19-Oct-19 16:57:10

My parents had only just got married when war broke out.My father was in the army and spent most of it abroad. They wrote to each other every day and when he eventually returned they went out into the garden and burnt the lot.I am so glad they did. There is no way I would have liked to have read such personal correspondence.

Daisymae Sat 19-Oct-19 17:00:26

It's early days yet. I would keep them and maybe thin them out a bit? You could always re read them in a years time and see if you have changed your mind.

Nannarose Sat 19-Oct-19 17:08:30

Nico97, it is a lovely idea, but was not allowed at my dad's cremation - clothing only. I don't know if this is a common restriction, or specific to our local crematorium.
Burning seems to be a common theme - it destroys everything, but has a celebratory element.
That is what we did with my parents' love letters - we gathered all the grandchildren, built a bonfire, and we spoke of the love our parents had for each other, and how we wished the same for them.

Jangran99 Sat 19-Oct-19 17:15:56

My DH ( of 52 years) and I decided together to destroy our letters and cards.We felt that they were for us only. This way neither one will feel any guilt when one of us is gone and the other has to preserve our privacy.

Beechnut Sat 19-Oct-19 17:16:16

I have some cards and poems that perhaps I wouldn’t want anyone else reading apart from my DD because I know she would probably think ‘typical of dad’. I think I’ll ask her anyway.

tanith Sat 19-Oct-19 17:47:03

Thanks it’s nice to read everyone else’s plans/ideas, I do like Nico97 idea, I’m going to give a bit of time and then decide.

whywhywhy Sat 19-Oct-19 17:49:08

I burned mine as I don't want others to read once I'm gone but we are all different. Xx

goldengirl Sat 19-Oct-19 18:11:05

I'm puzzled. Why does it matter if someone reads them when you're gone? You are not there to comment or be embarrassed after all and if my father's letters are anything to go by I'm glad he didn't get rid of them as they showed a very human and loving side of him

crazyH Sat 19-Oct-19 18:15:12

I burned mine when I moved here. Just as well. We are now divorced and he has married someone else. Words meant nothing .

crazyH Sat 19-Oct-19 18:17:37

52 years Jangran - how wonderful !!

Calendargirl Sat 19-Oct-19 18:21:34

It’s my diaries I wonder about. I’ve written in them since 1963. I suppose 90 per cent is trivial, everyday stuff, but the remaining 10 per cent are my innermost thoughts on my life’s major events.
I like being able to look back to verify dates and happenings, so don’t want to get rid, but also don’t want them goggled over in the fullness of time.

fizzers Sat 19-Oct-19 18:22:07

After I managed to breakaway from my controlling and somewhat violent husband, I found the love letters from his 'girlfriend' that he had previously hidden in my house.... came in handy they did, when I gave them to the solicitor who was dealing with my divorce.

tanith Sat 19-Oct-19 18:27:33

goldengirl I have my reasons.

newnanny Sat 19-Oct-19 19:07:49

After my Auntie died and my sisters and I had to clear her house we came across a package of love letters tied together with a pink ribbon, from her late husband. He was in the Navy in the war. We were so sad as if we knew they were there we would have had them cremated with her. We did cremate her with a photo of her late husband. In the end my sister just shredded the love letters.

Doodle Sat 19-Oct-19 19:13:08

I think love letters are private and only the two people involved know their true meaning. I would not like anyone to read mine.

tanith Sat 19-Oct-19 19:49:48

Thankyou Doodle 🌻