Hi 👋 I’m very new to this! I think I’ve already posted this on the wrong thread! So apologies for that.
I would very much appreciate any suggestions or advice.
I am a 48 year old Nana to our 2 precious girls - 4 and 2. We have always provided childcare while our daughter and son-in-law work. We have always been guided, as grandparents, by the wishes of Mummy and Daddy.
Before DGD2 came along, our DD worked very long hours, sometimes leaving the house at 5am and not getting home until 8pm and our son-in-law had to leave for 6.30am too. DGD1 would quite often stay over so her bedtime routine wasn’t interrupted. She always slept very well, in her own cot, both here and at home. When our daughter went onto maternity leave, she started climbing out of her cot, so they tried to get her into a bed so that she wouldn’t get hurt. This didn’t go down very well and she ended up in bed with them. During this time she still had occasional sleepovers at our house (because she wanted to) and despite having her own bed here, she ended up sleeping with us. Around 12 months ago, DGD1 began having night terrors.
We both watched our beautiful DGD2 come into the world and then exactly a week later, we were with my father-in-law as he died. Our DD found this extremely hard. We weren’t able to physically be there for her as much this time around, but she did an amazing job and never complained, despite the baby being a terrible sleeper, waking for hours on end every night! She still does this to this day! Our DD had 12 months maternity leave this time around, specifically to have as much time as possible with both her babies before she went back to work. When she did return to work she did 3 days a week.
She was only back at work for around 6 months when COVID-19 started. Due to health problems my husband has been shielding, so our DD was furloughed, then her partner was too. For the first 2 weeks of the national lockdown, we didn’t physically see the babies, other than me dropping groceries off at the door. This was the only time I left our house (being lucky to get online delivery slots) and because I was able to get their groceries when we got ours, they didn’t leave their home either. At the start of week 3, DGD1 became very down and was extremely distressed at not seeing us. I know everyone was in the same boat with the restrictions, but our DD likened our relationship with our DGD1 to that of a split family, so we decided to let her come for a sleepover. We knew there was absolutely no risk to my husband as none of us had been anywhere. She packed her own little bag and I picked her up. She went running around our house and garden, checking everything was the same, stayed for around 3 hours and then wanted to go home before dinner. A couple of days later she wanted to come again and she did end up staying over.
We carried on like this, when she wanted to come, she did. Can I just say at this point, she’s not a spoiled brat. Our rules at Nana and Grandads’ house are exactly the same as at home, always have been. Our precious girl is a worrier and a deep thinker.
In August this year our DD started a new job. It’s full time, spread over a 7 day week, for a six month probationary period, after this she can do part time. It’s mostly working from home, so there’s no travelling involved and her and our son-in-law have been working their rotas so that we don’t have to have the girls for 5 days, but when they do come DGD1 will say she’s having a sleepover or 3 and then she’ll go home.
Which brings me to now. For the past 6 weeks or so, it’s become increasingly difficult to get DGD1 to go home. Each time getting worse and it’s very distressing for all of us. She doesn’t want to go home, begging and pleading with me not to make her go home, like she’s absolutely terrified. It took me nearly an hour yesterday evening to get her into the car, Grandad drove them home and she screamed for me all the way home. When they got there she kept locking the door to try and stop them getting her out. When they did manage to get her out of the car and calmed her a little, my husband FaceTimed me like she asked him to as she wanted to see me and he said ‘see there’s Nana’ and she said ‘yes but I can’t touch her’. My husband and DD sat with her to again try and get to the bottom of why she’s feeling like she is and she said that ‘she just loves Nana, that she likes to cuddle Nana, Nana’s got a nice couch and Nana’s like her Mummy’. This is heartbreaking for our DD. I know her Mummy and Daddy adore her. Daddy plays with her for hours on end, but she just wants to be here.
I know it could be any number of reason, which is why I’ve told you our life story for the past 4 years!
But what do we do? Is it a phase? Do we let her stay when she wants to stay, even though she wants to stay all the time? Do we continue forcing her to go home?
We genuinely don’t know what to do for the best.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, as long as it is! Xx
NanaSquid Sat 31-Oct-20 12:47:03
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Oopsadaisy4 Sat 31-Oct-20 13:48:49
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Callistemon Sat 31-Oct-20 14:08:29
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Illte Sat 31-Oct-20 14:30:02
Bibbity Sat 31-Oct-20 14:30:31
GagaJo Sat 31-Oct-20 14:33:05
Illte Sat 31-Oct-20 14:34:58
GagaJo Sat 31-Oct-20 14:37:13
Harris27 Sat 31-Oct-20 14:38:15
Bibbity Sat 31-Oct-20 14:38:58
ExD Sat 31-Oct-20 14:43:09
Jaxjacky Sat 31-Oct-20 14:49:40
Callistemon Sat 31-Oct-20 14:52:26
Feelingmyage55 Sat 31-Oct-20 14:53:29
ExD Sat 31-Oct-20 14:57:52
V3ra Sat 31-Oct-20 15:22:27
Callistemon Sat 31-Oct-20 15:33:11