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Relationship with DILs

(83 Posts)
LovelyCuppa Wed 02-Dec-20 14:28:31

What is your relationship like with your DILs? And if you have a DH/parter, what is their relationship with your DILs like?

I saw a similar post on mumsnet asking about relationships with inlaws and it got me thinking.

It's not a loaded question by the way. I am just musing on my own family relationships as I sit writing Christmas cards!

ExD Wed 02-Dec-20 14:38:21

My DIL is in the process of divorcing my DS so my relationship with her is non existent. I thought we had a Good friendship until she dropped that bombshell. It came completely out of the blue for DH and I.

I love my SIL and must confess I now feel vulnerable when I consider the future.

tanith Wed 02-Dec-20 14:39:26

I have only one DIL and she is lovely. She’s the best thing that happened to my son and they have two beautiful children. She asked my DH to be god father to her daughter when she knew he was dying it was the loveliest thing and he was overwhelmed by her kindness as he was step-grandad not my sons father. I couldn’t hope for better.

Smileless2012 Wed 02-Dec-20 14:41:15

Our DS got divorced a couple of years ago and after getting married and having his first child, our other son estranged us 8 years ago, so my experiences of D's,i.l. aren't exactly positive.

LovelyCuppa Wed 02-Dec-20 14:53:47

Sorry Smileless2012, that was quite insensitive of me. I hope it's not an upsetting post for people.

silverlining48 Wed 02-Dec-20 14:55:19

ITs interesting isnt it Cuppa. I dont have a Dil and it just struck me that in the years I have been on GN I have read so many posts about dils but rarely about getting on with sils.
I have two sils one lives abroad, so we see him rarely but he is fine when we do see him. A bit quiet.
The other is ok too, he doesn't make us feel uncomfortable if we visit and for that I am grateful. I dont have any expectation of them and therefore have not been disappointed. Could this in law thing be about expectation. I dont know. My dh and mum got on very well but I have no idea what mine think about me, hope they like me as have always tried to be fair and not to take sides.
Am wondering what my dds mothers in law think of them. Theres a thought. Oh to be a fly on the wall. Or not, perhaps. .

Smileless2012 Wed 02-Dec-20 14:59:39

I didn't find your OP insensitive or upsetting LovelyCuppa and I'm sorry if my post made you feel that way.

Nanawind Wed 02-Dec-20 15:09:07

My Dil allowed me to be present when she delivered our first grandchild. She was in foster care all her life and treats me as her mum.
SIL was an idiot then DD chucked him out. Her new partner cares about DD and her 3 children puts them first in everything.
Stepped up to be a better father than their own. (They have all said that) Lovely lad who also had a sad childhood.

Daisymae Wed 02-Dec-20 15:11:03

I have a current and ex Dil and have a good relationship with both of them. Life happens and we just have to deal with it, while we might wish that things were different for all concerned. I have a lovely SiL too who is an excellent husband and father.

Septimia Wed 02-Dec-20 15:12:36

Ex-DiL is out of the picture. We don't communicate but I would if necessary. It isn't hostile, just that there's no need and nothing much in common.

Current DiL is lovely but we live so far apart we haven't really had a chance to get comfortable with each other. Hopefully we will have plenty of years ahead to do that.

annsixty Wed 02-Dec-20 16:05:37

I have an ex DiL.
My S and she married 28 years ago and have been divorced now for about 18 of those, they have one child, my DGD who now lives with me and looks after me.
She remarried in Feb this year after living with her partner for some time and I went to the wedding.
They have two children who call me Nana.

My S has a partner with whom he has 3 boys, it is a volatile relationship and I only see her about once every 18 months, we are civil but nothing more.

harrigran Wed 02-Dec-20 16:18:34

I could never find fault with my DIL, she is more like a DD. I would do anything for her, she is kindness itself and the mother of my only GC.

LovelyCuppa Wed 02-Dec-20 16:21:40

silverlining48

ITs interesting isnt it Cuppa. I dont have a Dil and it just struck me that in the years I have been on GN I have read so many posts about dils but rarely about getting on with sils.
I have two sils one lives abroad, so we see him rarely but he is fine when we do see him. A bit quiet.
The other is ok too, he doesn't make us feel uncomfortable if we visit and for that I am grateful. I dont have any expectation of them and therefore have not been disappointed. Could this in law thing be about expectation. I dont know. My dh and mum got on very well but I have no idea what mine think about me, hope they like me as have always tried to be fair and not to take sides.
Am wondering what my dds mothers in law think of them. Theres a thought. Oh to be a fly on the wall. Or not, perhaps. .

Yes, those are all the kind of things I am wondering! 😂

trisher Wed 02-Dec-20 16:27:39

ExD

My DIL is in the process of divorcing my DS so my relationship with her is non existent. I thought we had a Good friendship until she dropped that bombshell. It came completely out of the blue for DH and I.

I love my SIL and must confess I now feel vulnerable when I consider the future.

Oh me too ExD: thought we had a good relationship but when I offered some advice when the marriage broke down I was swiftly cut out of her life!

7sx2k Wed 02-Dec-20 16:28:01

I could never find fault with my DIL, she is more like a DD. I would do anything for her, she is kindness itself and the mother of my only GC.

tanith Wed 02-Dec-20 16:33:00

😳

Lolo81 Wed 02-Dec-20 17:31:46

I don’t have a DIL yet, but I didn’t have the best relationship with my MIL so I have a blueprint of what not to do when my time comes!
I have an excellent relationship with my sis in law and her dad and his wife are hugely welcome members of my extended family and a shining example of how to manage extended family relationships.

M0nica Wed 02-Dec-20 18:04:45

I have been very,very fortunate. My MiL was the best ever and so is my DiL

BBbevan Wed 02-Dec-20 18:20:54

I love my one and only DiL. She is a fantastic wife to my DS and a great mother to the two GDs. Couldn’t have wished for better .

SpanielNanny Wed 02-Dec-20 18:40:47

I love my daughter-in-law very much, and I certainly feel that she loves me.

But most importantly I know that she truly loves my son, and she is a wonderful mother to my only grandchild. I couldn’t ask for more than that, my relationship with her is a lovely bonus.

Gingster Wed 02-Dec-20 18:47:49

I haVE 2 lovely D’s IL. Couldn’t wish for better. The same can’t be said for SIL, sadly. He’s a waste of space.

Hithere Wed 02-Dec-20 20:20:31

I get along great with my mil.

nanaK54 Wed 02-Dec-20 20:29:54

I feel blessed to have two lovely daughters-in-law and an equally special MIL

SisterAct Wed 02-Dec-20 20:42:37

Not posted for a long time and when I did was shot down in flames when I said I was concerned about becoming a MIL 🥴

I now have 2 DILs and am fond of both of them, both different and fab mums to my 3 granddaughters. 1 is naturally more relaxed but both love their husbands (so far).

We all get on very well, but I’m still careful about what I say and keep quiet on occasions .

morethan2 Wed 02-Dec-20 21:04:23

Buying Christmas cards today I caught sight of a
‘To my son and daughter in law at Christmas’
I wanted to cry when I realised I might never be able to buy a similar card again.
My lovely DiL died this year
My difficult but ‘love just the same’ DiL told me she is divorcing my other son.
We had our ups and downs but I love them. Between them they gave me six wonderful grandchildren and they are part of my family. I hope I’ve been a good mother in law to them