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Over anxious about bad things happening to my granddaughter

(50 Posts)
Carolanne1 Wed 02-Dec-20 16:48:26

Please help! I have a beautiful 3 year old granddaughter. I'm worried all the time that something awful will happen to her. I mean it plays on my mind every day & can't be healthy. I worry about her getting lost, running into the road, being snatched, anything you can think of, it's gone through my mind. She fell down the stairs when she was 2 & broke her arm, so it's been worse since then. Please tell me if anyone else has these intrusive thoughts. I'm normally not an anxious person, but when it comes to my precious granddaughter, I worry about everything. I would be so grateful if someone can help me. Thank you

Lolo81 Wed 02-Dec-20 16:55:19

It’s been a tough year and that’s given us all more space than normal to sit and think- which isn’t always a good thing!
It’s good you’ve identified that this is an issue for you. Have your thoughts affected your behaviour?
I personally do have Anxiety and it displays quite similarly to yours via what I’ve had called catastrophic thinking. CBT has helped me - there are some good YouTube videos on this.
I’m a linear thinker so do well with lists etc and when my brain starts down this path I do breathing exercises and list my way out of them - thinking of probability as to why the catastrophe won’t likely happen.
Speaking to the doctor might also help - I have medication I can take which prevents my anxiety developing into a panic attack - I’m not sure if that would help you?

Grandmabatty Wed 02-Dec-20 17:00:32

I feel for you. Occasionally I have a hit of the what ifs and imagine my dgs running into the road or hurting himself. I consciously stop and ask myself questions. Has it happened before? How would I stop it happening? Is it likely? I think you have to be careful not to let your anxiety affect your dgd. She's broken her arm in the past and lots of children break bones. Is she particularly careless and if so, what can you do to mitigate that when you see her? When she isn't with you, it is out of your hands and you will have to really distract yourself or you will make yourself ill.

Carolanne1 Wed 02-Dec-20 17:03:42

I know it isn't right to think this way all the time. My granddaughter isn't particularly accident prone. I don't know why I've got so bad. I definitely will take on any advice. Thank you x

Rosy2 Wed 02-Dec-20 17:12:21

Carolannel. Since my teenage grandson was so ill at 11 years and we nearly lost him my mind does overtime with worry. Like you I know it isn’t healthy for me but don’t really know how to handle it. These intrusive thoughts are a torment so I’m going to try CBT to try and put more positive thoughts in my mind. I also take an anxiety pill sometimes from my GP but not sure if this is the real answer. It’s because we care so much. It really isn’t uncommon apparently so don’t be too hard on yourself

hellymart Wed 02-Dec-20 17:15:12

Sorry to hear that you are worrying so much. I agree with others - this has been an anxiety-ridden year and worrying can almost become a 'habit' - but if you read this useful post on the Headspace website ('how to stop worrying') it might help. www.headspace.com/articles/how-to-stop-worrying

Carolanne1 Wed 02-Dec-20 17:36:26

I'm so grateful for all your replies. I'll certainly take all the advice on board, because I know its not healthy. I've been overwhelmed by my love for my granddaughter. I didn't realise how much you could love the child of your child. She is a grandchild I never thought I'd have. Thank you everyone

Carolanne1 Wed 02-Dec-20 17:38:50

I'm so sorry to hear your grandson was so ill. I can't imagine the anguish. I sincerely hope he is better now. X

Georgesgran Wed 02-Dec-20 17:57:38

I think this is quite typical. We’ve had our children and the worries morph from physical to more practical? We get a few years of ‘respite’ then we’re back on the roller coaster again.

I worry about my 3 year old DGS - but when I’m out with him and DD, it’s obvious he’s quite confident and outgoing, but always a worry at the back of my mind.

Summerlove Wed 02-Dec-20 18:17:27

Carolanne1

I know it isn't right to think this way all the time. My granddaughter isn't particularly accident prone. I don't know why I've got so bad. I definitely will take on any advice. Thank you x

Kindly, I think it’s time to broach the idea of therapy. It will help you get out of this destructive thinking pattern.

Good luck!

Carolanne1 Wed 02-Dec-20 19:43:27

Thank you. I think you are right. X

Callistemon Wed 02-Dec-20 19:52:56

Carolanne
I wake up in the night sometimes worrying about the DGC - it's not rational but it happens sometimes.

I think it's because we're not the ones in charge of them and, although my DC and their spouses are wonderful parents, inevitably they do things differently to us and to accept that, perhaps, we were not always right.

I think we are all more anxious at the moment.

Hithere Wed 02-Dec-20 20:03:24

1 vote for summerlove

V3ra Wed 02-Dec-20 20:38:31

If I worry about my granddaughter, it's because of how upset my daughter would be if anything bad happened to her.

LizziesMom Thu 03-Dec-20 03:18:37

Just curious, did you worry about your children this heavily and this often? Or did this overbearing worry skip a generation? No malice intended, simply curious.

welbeck Thu 03-Dec-20 04:35:46

you might want to look into frazzled cafe,

www.frazzledcafe.org/faq

welbeck Thu 03-Dec-20 04:40:34

the louder he talked of his honour,
the faster we counted our spoons.
ralph waldo emerson

for some reason that quotation popped into my mind.

Coco51 Thu 03-Dec-20 09:56:39

I understand your fears. With me it extends to other GCs and ACs - I call it ‘Dead in the gutter syndrome’ i.e fearing the worst. A friend once pointed out to me that if something dreadful did happen, you would probably know sooner than if everything is fine.

Jools1x Thu 03-Dec-20 09:59:32

I have felt exactly the same as you since my first grandchild was born, constantly worried if he would be ok and imagining scenarios that could happen, it has eased slightly now he is three and I have two more grandchildren but I don’t worry as much as I did with the second two, your right the love you have for them is overwhelming perhaps even more than for your own children x

FannyCornforth Thu 03-Dec-20 10:04:03

welbeck

the louder he talked of his honour,
the faster we counted our spoons.
ralph waldo emerson

for some reason that quotation popped into my mind.

welbeck (or anyone else)
What does that mean? I don't understand it. thank you.

Rosina Thu 03-Dec-20 10:10:19

Callistemon has hit the nail on the head - we love our GC so much, but are not directly in charge. I know my AC are excellent parents and careful with the GC's health and care, but I am often, in the small hours, worrying about their safety, and about potential disasters, which is irrational. It sounds as if it has got slightly out of hand for you, Carolannel so your feelings that some counselling might help are wise and timely. It will avoid spoiling your life with anxiety. You cannot be the only person who has needed some advice about this.

Janburry Thu 03-Dec-20 10:16:32

FannyCornForth my understanding of that phrase is if you have to keep telling people you wouldn't steal the spoons then you probably stole them lol not sure how that fits in with the query though

Nanananana1 Thu 03-Dec-20 10:35:51

I have started this worrying already and my GD isn't even born yet! I think if you are predisposed to catastrophising, these thoughts start with your own children and migrate to grandchildren! I know now that they are just thoughts, I let them pass through. I move on and get on with my day. All will be well, until there is something you have to deal with and then you will

Azalea99 Thu 03-Dec-20 11:03:40

I’ve read that EFT can help (tapping on certain points while repeating a ‘mantra’). Anything must be worth a try to improve the quality of your life (& thoughts). There are probably lots of YouTube examples, or you can go to the Dr Mercola website, which is where I’ve seen a video.

nananet01 Thu 03-Dec-20 11:05:20

And there was me thinking I was the only nana that did this! It's for my children and grandchildren no matter what age they are. Added to that, I don't get to see my daughter's children. Not a good place to be.